Hey Pandas, AITA For Choosing To Give A Personalized Gift For A Baby Instead Of Picking From The List? (Closed)

I've never heard that a godparent should be financially responsible for the child unless something happens to the parents. Do they want you to pay child support? Very strange. I think you should be able to buy gifts that you want to buy. This is more like buying gifts for the parents who are using their child as an excuse to get stuff from other people.

When did this thing with people requiring or demanding gifts begin? I just can't even.

Being a godparent means you're an active participant in the child's life, but it's generally more of a religious role. A legal guardian, on the other hand, has one very specific role: Take care of the children if both parents were to pass away. I don't know what your friend expects? I recommend that you follow your heart ❤️ and use the memories of your own Godparents to guide your decision.

Your friend doesn't know what a godparent does. They severely misunderstood what it entails.

That's not what i thought a God Parent was. I thought they were like a special person in the childs life, like an uncle or aunt but closer since if something happened to the parents then they'd look after the child like theyre own? Someone that looked after an helped guide them in life yknow. Perhaps your friend has a different definition of being a god parent that you both need to discuss. My advice would be to provide for the child through your heart first and not the wallet and you'll kbow what to do. I find it particularly rude and offensive that the handmade gift youd spent so much time on and its own significance was so ill received. If someone made that for my kid id hug them so tight and be so touched, the fact that it wasn't enough or even noticed and then more "useful" gifts for every event have been demanded? You are the god parent, not the parent. Your friend helped create this life its only right she actually support it without guilting those around her.

Honestly, growing up my godmother would ask my dad (single dad, godmother is his sister) if he was running low on something for me: books, clothes, what not. My dad was honest but always let her know that he never wanted her to go over X amount of money cause what mattered is her being there for me as a motherly figure. Best gift I ever got was a minion she crocheted herself for me, I still have it to this day. Your friend seems just too entitled. Honestly I get telling someone: hey, if you're getting something for my kid, I'm running low on diapers so onesies so if you could do that instead of a gift, I'm thankful but never make a scene about it.... A godparent is supposed to be there for the child as a support parental role on occasion but in no case it means you become a wallet!!!!!

By godparent did your friend actually me spouse? Bc it sounds like she wants you to be the support for her baby. And didn't godparent mean you get the baby if the parents die? When did it become a full time job? And you can't tell someone what they have to get a person as a gift that just turns it into something else. They could ask you not to pick certain toys that they don't approve of but other than that it's a gift because it comes from your heart shouldn't matter what it is.

The role of a godparent is to provide spiritual and moral guidence for the godchild. It has absolutely nothing to do with money or gifts. I think its outrageous to be asking for gifts at all, let alone specific gifts from a list. I would have a serious talk with the childs mother and if this doesn't clarify your role to her, I would bow out of this "honor".

Definition of a godparent: a person who has pledged to help with the upbringing of a child, especially in a religious way. In some denominations of Christianity, when a child is baptized, they are sponsored by (usually two) adults who pledge to help in this way. I'm no way are they responsible to give gifts or money.

I believe a very important acknowledgement needs to be made; Godmother is NOT to be mistaken with FAIRY Godmother 😅

I honestly think it's a little entitled to ever expect a gift. They should be happy with whatever you choose to give them, especially if you worked hard on it and put thought into it to make it special

You support your godchild the way you want and can. I would be disappointed only if you were completely absent from the kid's life. Being a godparent is about the kid, and even then it doesn't you should cater to the kid's every need, and it absolutely doesn't require you to cater to the kid's parents desires. The parents need a reality check.

Get new friends and have your own baby. She sounds awful, the worst.

The towel is a lovely gift, but I think you should have also given her something from her list.

HOWEVER, this whole "godparent is a financial obligation" thing is ABSOLUTELY BS. That is not, at all, what being a godparent is.

Also, being expected to babysit all the time and go on trips with them??? That's not a godparent, either. That's a nanny. And they should be paying you for it.

It sounds like your friend is spoiled, entitled, demanding, and honestly not a very good friend.

Since when is being a godparent a financial racket? And telling you what you can or cannot buy for/give to them should be your decision. Easiest way to fix it? Don’t give them anything. Maybe a gift card for Christmas… otherwise nada!

The fact that godparents originated in the church and are meant to be more as "guides" in the upbringing of children anyway... do as you have done and continue to do so. Who does this entitled friend of yours think she is? Just imagine Mary holding baby Jesus... "Look kingy-poo, I know you MEANT well when you brought the gold... but that's not what 'I' told you to get him, okay?".
It seems as if this child will desperately NEED your guidance with their mother treating them like a payday to get what she wants.

I don't know what is wrong with people. This demanding attitude is completely unacceptable. I would say, get a new friend.

I make crochet blankets for the new ones In the family. I’ll get a gift card and send with it. People be asking for expensive baby stuff for their 2nd an 3rd kids. I can’t afford that. Not the AH.

A godparent is supposed to be there to support the kid. If your friend thinks that she's entities enough to tell you to provide presents and all of that stuff that you mentioned then they're wrong. You should only do that stuff if you want to, not because you're "required."
You need to set that boundary with your friend other wise your friend is just going to walk all over you like she's doing.

It's only been a month since the baby was born, and there are plenty of red flags here already.

What are these specific items on her list? Extra diapers, wipes, bottles, formula? Those are necessities, and they'll go through them quickly. However if her "list" contains unnecessary expensive or luxury items, she's barking up the wrong tree.
You claim she's already bought the items on the list, yet expects you to buy them anyway? Yeah, watch her also require you to provide the receipt, and pretend that it's just so she "knows how much cost it." I've heard this excuse way too much, to hide the fact that they're returning it for some quick cash. Like, you're the one who made your "list", you should know the cost.

She expects you to babysit daily or as needed, to go with them on trips short or long, with no regard for your own schedule. Meanwhile she's probably currently on maternity leave at work, if her job does have it. Within a few months, she's most likely going to go back to work, and expect you to have availability during all of her/her partner's working hours.

She demands and expects gifts for every birthday & holiday of every year for the rest of her son's life. This is mainly just an excuse so she doesn't have to fill that requirement herself/spend less on gifts for him.

Basically, your friend just wants an extra "grandparent" for the kid, regardless of your age. I'm not implying I think you are of "grandparent" age, I'm not assuming ages of anyone mentioned, besides the baby. She expects commitment from you. Time commitment, financial commitment, gift/present commitment.
You are in no way obligated to do what she wants, only what you want or what your godson needs/wants. Do keep in mind though, as he grows up, you'd need to gauge wether what he "says he wants" isn't really his mom manipulating, "tell your godparent you want this." Because quite frankly from what you're saying, all I'm seeing is that she's entitled, manipulative, and greedy. Using a baby as an excuse doesn't change that.

You want to buy a gift for your godson for his birthday or Christmas? That's your choice to make, not have it based on her entitled "need for free stuff" mentality.
Are you free to babysit on a specific day and not the other because of something mandatory, but she insists it has to be her way? Tell her you're sorry, but you have another commitment. She can either pay for a babysitter, see if her parents or in-laws can help, or take her son with her if it's not "work-related".