Hey Pandas. So recently I've been in this situation and the other P.O.V. is trying to convince me im in the wrong. So basically I'm just here to find out the internet's opinion on the whole thing.
It all started when I first met my best friend (I'll call her Mary) at school. I was a very introverted person who barely speaks a word in class but ever since I met her I became a lot more social with people at school.
We were best friends for a pretty long time. There were times when Mary dragged me into unnecessary scenes she would create at school and times where she vented to me hours on end about her serious depression problem. I was kind of bored of listening to her problems all the time but all I told her was everything is gonna be ok, you can tell me anything, that's what friends are for, etc.
Then this thing happened. We got into an argument. In summary, she was having this argument with another student. That student (I'll call her Aria) was my friend too, and I hated to see them yell.
So I kind of came up and told them both to be quiet, end of story. Of course, Aria obeyed at once and apologized for making a scene. Mary, on the other hand, yelled at me and told me I was basically telling them to shut the f*** up.
I tried to explain that wasn't what I meant, but she yelled it off and stomped away. That day later on when I was back at my house (Aria came over home with me that day) she texted me in a private chat telling me I was the most unsupportive b**** and the worst friend she'd ever had.
She then went on to explain how she was such a helpless depressed stressed anxious person with no one to stand by her side, and she was a "lonely piece of s***" and she thought that I was going to help her out and stand by her side but instead I was "just as worthless" as her.
She even called me fat, ugly, stupid, worthless, introverted motherf*****, and insulted me more than anything. I was so heartbroken. I apologized many times for whatever I had done but nothing can change Mary's mind. Aria suggested she can text her back from my phone, but instead, I blocked Mary and brushed the whole thing off.
We ignored each other at school. She cussed me out, made scenes, lied behind my back, and spread false rumors about me. Since no one really knew me, it was scary to me how now everyone knew me for what I did to Mary, although I don't see the mistake at all. All i know is that I did something to make her mad enough to ruin my life.
Mary stole all my friends and did some serious stuff to me. She made my life a living hell.
Fast forward to now, another girl also in my class (I'll call her Nella) posted a question about our homework on her Instagram. Mary replied to her locally, asking the same question.
I came across the post and decided, why not, I should help her out. So I tagged them both replying to the post and briefly explained the concept. Mary replied saying thanks, and I was relieved she hadn't made a scene for no reason again. I replied saying "np :)".
Soon though, she texted me in private chat and said, "Oh, I didnt know you were Nella." I figured she thought Nella was the one who had replied to her and tagged her because I had tagged them both and from Mary's device it looked like Nella was the one who had answered her question and not me.
She then started insulting me and hurt me a lot (calling me fat, ugly, stupid, worthless, etc. like before). In the midst of tears and rages, I texted her caps lock style:
"You bring me so much joy...when you leave me alone. Don't you have something else to do with your life other than making these pointless fights with me? You build your joy by seeing the misery of others. You're a toxic, manipulative b**** and you don't care about anyone because you're trash, and you're an idiot."
I also told her some other stuff (didn't insult physical appearance at all unlike her) because my aim wasn't to destroy her. My aim was to stop her from doing whatever she's trying to do.
Anyways, she left me on read for a week. she was also absent on all school days (to be honest, that week was good, finally got to talk to my friends without her ruining everything by stealing the attention. The only people she wants to talk to are the people I talk to.)
Then on the weekend, she sent me a long paragraph. In summary, she told me she had lots of suicidal thoughts, stress, depression, anxiety, and how two of her grandmas died.
I told her some nice stuff and actually supported her real good. I told her I would always be there for her and she's not alone, and that she means a lot to me, etc. (I even sent her a wikihow link on how to convince yourself your life has meaning. I was trying to help.)
I was crying and I felt super bad for her for some reason. I also sent her an apology letter and I apologized for everything I did. Instead, she replied to me saying, "thanks for making me feel even more bad about myself."
Anyways, now we're back to ignoring each other. I don't know if I should feel bad or not. I dont know if I should have said the things I said, or if I should have done the things I did. Please give me your sincere opinion on this whole thing. AITA?
#1
I think you need to, as much as possible, limit your interactions with "Mary" to encouraging her to get help. Get the conversation off of your issues with each other, and on her depression and suicidal behavior, and the fact that she needs to get medical help. If your school has counseling services urge her to visit, and if not, she needs to see her own doctor and ask for referrals, and give her the number of a suicide hotline or youth mental health services. You aren't responsible for making her happy or making her better, she has to get a qualified adult to help her with that.
4points
#2
You are understandably hurt by her, but hurting her in return is not the way to handle it. Whatever Mary did, it doesn't excuse your behavior. The message was unnecessary. In the future I would encourage you to continue with disengaging from Mary. Don't go out of your way to help or avoid her. Should she blow up again, calmly respond with "I'm sorry you feel that way, I will leave you alone" and end the interaction. It would probably be best to remove her from any social media accounts. If a mutual friends tells you something she is saying about you, listen to it, tell your friends your side and change the subject or leave the conversation. If the rumor is absurd or an outright lie, laugh it off. Good friends will see your integrity and stand by you. If you lose a friend over a false rumor, they are not people you want for friends.
2points
#3
NTA! Don’t listen to someone else saying your response was too much. That’s not fair. She is trying to manipulate you. Put yourself first. You’re not in the wrong for giving the same energy back to after being the better person for what seems like weeks. I’m proud of you for standing up for your self. Don’t ever text her again, I would block her number. Even if she is actually struggling you are not responsible for her. You are allowed to be picky about who you surround yourself with.
1point
#4
thanks for the answers everyone, and for being completely honest with your opinions.
0points
#5
She is being so immature. You wanna know what I think? I wouldn't blame you if you publicly told her what an entitled b***h she is and walked away never to contact her again. She doesn't deserve your support, and you have nothing to feel guilty about shunning her. I know how it feels to think that even though that person just ruined your life. It's nothing to feel guilty about, YOU have nothing to feel guilty about, and I'll stand with you when you flip her off. 🙂👍 We got you, pal.
0points