Hey Lovely Pandas! No Judgement, Just A Safe Venting Space.

OK, probably a bit trivial, but what is happening with Bored Panda lately... When I first joined, mainly to help with my sense of isolation and it seemed to be a fun, safe site... ( not an internet native so social media is a bit scary for me.. ). It used to be cool! full of funny memes, cute cats, cool art and travel pics. The occasional hard hitting lists to get people riled up but , on the whole, just.... Well, fun !!! But there just seem to be so much negative s**t lately.... AITA stories, petty revenge stuff, people complaining about trivial sht on tic tok.... And all these generally nasty lists about "karens",sexist pigs, idiots on Twitter, Europe vs America...... I used to come to this site to feel better about humanity, the world and myself but lately, I feel more fkn depressed and isolated after being here than I did when I started..... Maybe I expect too much but.... I don't know, maybe it's just me...what do other long term members think? Maybe , I no longer fit the demographic they're aiming for? Well, that's my view, anyway.... Trival, I know, but yep, whatever.... ( And more bloody anime lists!!! I love commenting about anime even if no one reads them...)

I have an eating disorder but I don’t say anything about it because I know my family is going to judge me for it.

I'm tired. Exhausted. I try to help and give. Contribute. And it's not their fault. They're young and learning; they're trying. Some more than others... Times are hard and people need help; I'm glad I'm able. But with a big family, it's constant, and I fear that parts of me are dying. Parts they may need me to keep.

I’m very confused about everything regarding myself. I spoke w my therapist last week and she says I might want to talk to a pediatrician abt being screened for: depression, anxiety, bulimia, anorexia nervosa, and schizophrenia. Also started question my sexuality again. I am literally not feeling any emotions I’m just numb. Also someone started a rumor about me harassing my friends sister so now he won’t talk to me. Another friend I accidentally was too awkward around and now they are ignoring me. Also I’ve been talking to a friend that turned out to be empty space. Also today i barely ate and I puked up what I did eat and then I self harmed.
In conclusion, things could be better. I will try to enjoy thanksgiving now because i get to see my cousins.

Due to social anxiety (and depression) I can't go regularly to school anymore. Therapy isn't bad but it doesn't help enough. The only solution is a clinic, but how could I guarantee that I am able to go there everyday (if it's without sleeping there)!? And if I go somewhere where I also have to stay at night I really don't know if I could manage to do that. I am like really scared of getting sick when I'm not at home and oh my god... I just don't know what to do anymore. Every solution scares me and I keep saying no. I am so scared :(
But I can't manage to explain all of this, so it seems like I just refuse help.

Also I just can't tell my childhood best friend about it and I feel so bad for it

(btw I'm not native so please ignore all the mistakes)

I guess I should comment! I have a friend who refuses to accept my sexuality, telling me he sides with my dad and that he thinks it's just a phase. He's also told me multiple times that he hates gay people and they should stop being open about it as they're sinning. He blames them for being part of the lgtbq community when it's not something people choose, and so what if they are gay or trans or anything? More power to them for figuring out who they are!

Anyway, I feel so drained talking to him and he honestly just makes me sick! I don't even know why I'm friends with him at this point, tbh.

So my problem that has been sucky a lot lately would have to be that I fell hard for this guy. Him and I talked everyday and he was so fun and easy to talk to and I couldn't help but fall for him. We ended up talking after school one day and we got to know each other and I had been getting my hopes up so much that maybe he liked me back cus he was being so sweet to me and actually complimented me. I don't get a lot of compliments so when I do it's always shocking. But anyway, we had been talking and get to know each other and at some point we had started talking about our past relationships and he asked if I was virgin because of a rumour that was spread about me and my ex. When I told him that I was in fact a virgin and that I was going to keep it that way till I was at least out of college, he kinda started to ghost me. Which was ofc a bit of a red flag for me. After this tho, a day later, my curiosity got the better of me and I asked him what made him change his mind and actually act like we weren't just peers and more like friends. It turns out he was only talking to me and being nice because he had complained to his friends about being lonely and they told him he needed to get laid and that he should go after me because I liked him and that it was obvious and how gullible I am as well. Now the same guy glares at me in class, won't talk to me at all, and yeah. And it's been really stressful because I want to ask him why he would use me like that but I also don't want to have to talk to him at the same time. What hurts tho is that I really thought that he liked me for who I was and that he was different from most guys I knew.