Being a host is no easy task. You need to make sure your guest feels comfortable while also managing your home and your own enjoyment. Hosting good friends can be fun, especially if they chip in on a few things, but that doesn’t always happen.
One woman had the misfortune of hosting a man who she couldn’t figure out how to get rid of. He hadn’t planned on staying for too long, but a sudden breakup put a wrench in his trip itinerary. His unlucky host found herself in a fix after that.
More info: Mumsnet
Travel plans can sometimes change due to sudden life events, but this can end up putting travelers and their hosts in a big fix
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The poster explained that her American friend had planned to stay with her for 2 weeks, after which he would be going on a European trip with his girlfriend
Image credits: pikisuperstar / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Unfortunately, the man’s girlfriend broke up with him, so his summer plans fell through, but this meant that he’d be staying with the poster for even longer
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The woman didn’t know how to get her friend to leave, and she became increasingly frustrated as he showed no signs of going or even helping out with chores
Image credits: MadzG1471
Eventually, the poster took people’s advice and told her friend she had other guests coming, so he ended up leaving and going on a trip to Scotland, followed by Paris
One of the biggest reasons why the woman found it so tough to kick the guest out was because he was her friend and had just been through a breakup. She probably didn’t want to make him feel any worse, but also didn’t want him to keep imposing on her. She tried behaving passive-aggressively but that probably didn’t get through to him.
To get an expert’s opinion on this situation, Bored Panda reached out to Jo Hayes. She’s a world-leading etiquette expert, relationship commentator, and founder of EtiquetteExpert.org. She is the world’s only etiquette consultant with academic research to her name and is also a speech-language pathologist specializing in social skills training.
Jo explained that “these sorts of situations can, indeed, be awkward and challenging to negotiate. One wants to support a friend going through an unexpected and difficult time/breakup and avoid creating ‘bad blood’ in the friendship, but, at the same time, it is important that this woman protects her peace and her personal boundaries.”
“The MO for approaching situations like this is kind, calm, clear communication. I encourage the woman to sit down with her friend and explain that she was happy to host him for a couple of weeks, and while she understands that he’s had an unexpected and difficult breakup, she needs her personal space back,” Jo added.
The OP was probably feeling too shy to bring up the subject directly and must have felt that saying anything would come across as being mean. That’s why Jo said that “any decent house guest/human would completely understand, and have empathy for, what she is saying. She's not being unkind. We all need our personal space, and having a house guest for too long is an invasion of said personal space.”
Image credits: Mizuno K / Pexels (not the actual photo)
One of the reasons why the man probably felt okay staying for so long was because the OP hadn’t specifically set a time limit for his stay. They had only spoken about his trip in vague terms, and probably if he hadn’t been broken up with, he would have left after two weeks.
Jo Hayes mentioned that “an open-ended stay is not going to work for most people. People need their personal space. It’s ideal to set out a clear time period that is agreeable to the host. If, for whatever reason, the stay needs to be extended, speak to the host as soon as possible about the possibility of staying longer. Don’t pressure them to say yes to the extension.”
Another thing that added to the woman’s annoyance was how her friend never helped out with any of the house chores despite living there for 3 weeks. She was shocked that he hadn’t bought a “thank-you gift,” and that he had once asked if a friend of his could stay over.
That’s why we asked Jo for tips on good houseguest etiquette. She said that “no matter how long a guest is staying, it’s basic good manners to help out around the house. Make it so that the host’s life is made easier by your presence in their home, not made harder.”
“Either on arrival or on departure, it is appropriate to offer your host a thank-you gift. Again, they’ve been supremely kind and generous in hosting you, a gift is the least you can do. A bouquet of flowers, a potted plant, a bottle of wine, a box of good quality chocolates, a gift card to their favorite store, plus a thoughtfully written card expressing your appreciation,” she added.
Luckily for the woman in this story, she worked up the courage to talk to her friend, and that helped sort things out. Next time, she’ll definitely set a time limit for any guest’s stay.
We’d love to hear if you’ve ever been that clingy houseguest or had to deal with one yourself. Let us know in the comments.
People told the poster that the best way to make things easier for herself would be to just be honest with her friend
