Relationships are never a walk in the park. They demand patience, compromise, and sometimes, a level of forgiveness that tests your limits. And we’re not talking about the little stuff, forgetting to turn off the lights or skipping the grocery list. We mean the big, heart-wrenching stuff.
When someone online asked, “What’s the hardest thing you ever forgave your partner for, and how did the relationship turn out afterward?” people didn’t hold back. From cheating to lying to moments that shook the foundation of trust, the answers are raw, emotional, and eye-opening. Keep reading to see how couples navigated the toughest tests of their love.
#1
Less than a year after marrying, my husband confessed his alcoholism was worse than I knew and he was over $10k in debt. Counseling, ultimatums, lots of fighting and thinking we would not make it, and especially since I was raised by an alcoholic dad I was not keen to stick around and thought we were headed to an early divorce. Tried to live with it for a while, had a baby, thought things were okay, then a b**b dropped and I found out he was having booze delivered to our house and getting wasted while home alone caring for our infant. I just about set his a*s on fire and never wanted to see him again. I kicked him out and was in the process of figuring out how to get him out of my life for good.
He stayed with his parents while he worked his a*s off to better himself, came clean to everyone in his life and admitted he had a drinking problem, started SMART meetings and got an at-home blood alcohol test to show me his sincerity and hold himself accountable, overcame his alcoholism, and is a completely different person today than he was 3 years ago before we both quit drinking completely. That, in my opinion, was 1000% undeniable marriage-level commitment, that was what I signed up for. He showed me he was fighting for us and was worth that fight. It genuinely made us closer than ever and helped me further appreciate that I married an incredible person.
He stayed with his parents while he worked his a*s off to better himself, came clean to everyone in his life and admitted he had a drinking problem, started SMART meetings and got an at-home blood alcohol test to show me his sincerity and hold himself accountable, overcame his alcoholism, and is a completely different person today than he was 3 years ago before we both quit drinking completely. That, in my opinion, was 1000% undeniable marriage-level commitment, that was what I signed up for. He showed me he was fighting for us and was worth that fight. It genuinely made us closer than ever and helped me further appreciate that I married an incredible person.
34points
#2
My ex-boyfriend had an affair with one of his classmates when he started grad school. It was extremely difficult but I forgave him and hung in there. We had been dating for a few years at that point.
A few years later he cheated again and we broke up for good. I'm not sure I can ever excuse that kind of behavior in a relationship anymore.
A few years later he cheated again and we broke up for good. I'm not sure I can ever excuse that kind of behavior in a relationship anymore.
27points
#3
Being a jerk.
Since he got a CPAP machine, he's amazing.
Turns out he's been exhausted from years of terrible sleeps. Now that he's sleeping through the night, he's a totally different person.
Since he got a CPAP machine, he's amazing.
Turns out he's been exhausted from years of terrible sleeps. Now that he's sleeping through the night, he's a totally different person.
27points
We’ve all heard the saying that forgiving is divine, and when it comes to relationships, there’s a lot of truth in that. Forgiving your partner for big mistakes doesn’t just smooth things over; it actually helps your emotional well-being. First and foremost, forgiveness reduces resentment. Holding grudges or replaying past mistakes in your mind only builds tension and bitterness over time. Letting go doesn’t mean you’re weak; it means you’re choosing to prioritize the relationship and your own peace of mind.
#4
I stayed with him after he beat me the first time. And the second time. And the dozens of time afterwards. What made me finally get the courage to call the cops was after I had our child and I wasn’t only out for myself anymore. Our lives are much better now. I try to take it as something to learn from— I will never allow anyone to put their hands on me again.
24points
#5
He got way too drunk at a friend's party and cheated on me with a coworker. Not like full on s*x cheating, more like snuggle and kiss cheating. The next few months were really tough. He immediately quit drinking, saw a therapist, and we set some boundaries and house rules to rebuild trust. For example, if he was going to be late getting home from work, he called me. These little things, over time, were essential to rebuilding trust.
I also had a bunch of therapy. Like others have said, it can be hard to let go of stuff. I made a choice to stay with my partner, and I realized that continuing to be mad at him wasn't fair to either of us. I decided that our present and future together was more important, and when anger would surface, I would remind myself of that. This only worked because we were both putting in effort to move on.
This event was three and a half years ago, we've now been together like 8 years. We're doing great.
I also had a bunch of therapy. Like others have said, it can be hard to let go of stuff. I made a choice to stay with my partner, and I realized that continuing to be mad at him wasn't fair to either of us. I decided that our present and future together was more important, and when anger would surface, I would remind myself of that. This only worked because we were both putting in effort to move on.
This event was three and a half years ago, we've now been together like 8 years. We're doing great.
15points
#6
My ex boyfriend of 6 years was cheating on my but I didn’t do anything about it. I had his phone to give directions and he got a message from a girl named Rebecca. I opened it. And saw countless of conversations of them flirting. Spamming a few months. Then he got a snap chat. I opened it and it was her naked saying “good morning” it was evening. But whatever. I kept quiet about it for a day, then questioned him. He said it was all in joke and nothing serious and she’d never sent him a n**e before. Stupidly, I bought it. About 10 months later he ups and leaves me. No reason. Nothing. 6.5 years. Won’t tell me why. Then she adds me on snap chat and starts harassing me. I no longer tolerate that behavior. I also don’t search my husbands phone. Total trust. I shouldn’t of wasted my time on my ex.
15points
One of the immediate benefits of forgiveness is less stress. Carrying anger or hurt acts like a weight on your chest, affecting everything from your mood to your sleep. People who forgive often notice that they feel lighter and sleep better, free from the constant replay of past fights or slights. Your body and mind get a break from the constant tension, making it easier to enjoy other aspects of life. Emotional release through forgiveness is surprisingly liberating and can even improve your overall health.
#7
My husband of 6 years cheated on me 3 years ago and i was going to leave but he begged me to stay so I stayed. Things seemed to be okay for about a year and a half after that and then out of the blue he told me to take our son and get out. Turns out he had been having an online relationship with some random girl from another state and had a ton of secret dating profiles, so of course I left. Three months later he begged me to come back because online girlfriend found out what happened. I’m now happily engaged to someone else who actually respects me and makes me a priority.
14points
#8
I always asked him to never drink and drive. He totalled my car and got a DUI like 6 months after he turned 21. I stayed with him. He was a raging drunk. Relationship fell apart a few years later. I'm much happier without him.
12points
#9
He ghosted me for a week when my friend died because he couldn’t handle my emotions, I forgave him and then he did the exact same thing on the anniversary of her death.
There were a lot of other red flags and the relationship was very on and off, but that was the final straw.
There were a lot of other red flags and the relationship was very on and off, but that was the final straw.
12points
Forgiveness also opens the door to having fun together again. When resentment or anger clouds a relationship, even simple moments like laughing over a joke or going for a walk feel strained. But once forgiveness enters, couples can reclaim those small joys. You can tease each other, make inside jokes, and enjoy your shared life without the shadow of past mistakes looming overhead. It’s like finally wiping the fog off a window; you can see clearly again and enjoy the view.
#10
I caught him talking to a college friend online about our s*x life in disturbing detail. I continued to catch him emotionally and online cheating on and off for the next 7 years (he never had the guts to do it in person, as far as I ever found out.) It was always little stuff. He always had his reasons. I was 18 when the relationship started and didn't really have a solid foundation to understand how someone should treat you.
He also lied repeatedly about our finances, locked me out of our own online bank account so that I wouldn't know about his lies. He lied about losing a job and pretended to go to work everyday for months. He sold a family heirloom of mine to cover this up financially. That was the final straw.
In the end it came out that he was a narcissist. He did a lot of nonsense to feed his own ego without regard for others. Narcissists are pretty ace manipulators (and as I said I didn't have a great foundation myself at the time) so it took me a LONG time to realize what was up and leave.
He also lied repeatedly about our finances, locked me out of our own online bank account so that I wouldn't know about his lies. He lied about losing a job and pretended to go to work everyday for months. He sold a family heirloom of mine to cover this up financially. That was the final straw.
In the end it came out that he was a narcissist. He did a lot of nonsense to feed his own ego without regard for others. Narcissists are pretty ace manipulators (and as I said I didn't have a great foundation myself at the time) so it took me a LONG time to realize what was up and leave.
12points
#11
I was with my ex for like, 6 years and about once a year I'd catch him sexting random women on dating websites, like sending the same messages to scores of all types, even trans though he's not gay? Idk, but he always said that p**n was boring and using these sites and getting these people to send him nudes was how he got off. He cried, promised not to do it anymore, things got better... So I bought it, or wasn't sure what else to do so I stayed.
Things were kinda normal until he made friends with two girls about 4 or so years younger than him at his restaurant job, they were bartenders and friends and they flirted while at work probably and definitely did so in text... Which was unprofessional af, since he was the manager.
Anyway, told him not to keep in contact with them after picking up on their "friendship, he did. Our relationship soured and one night I got fed up and waited til he was asleep and stealthy unlocked his phone (had to try the d**n fingerprint thing since he kept his phone on lock down all day and kept the passcode a secret too) and boy did I find a PLETHORA of texts and pics proving that he was having an affair with those two girls(sometimes together) and I ended it that night. It was a s**t show. My only regret is that I didn't get out sooner. We were pretty incompatible when I look back, and my current bf is my actual soul mate and I couldn't be happier now!!
Tldr: he cheated, and unsurprisingly, he did it again. 10/10 not worth.
Things were kinda normal until he made friends with two girls about 4 or so years younger than him at his restaurant job, they were bartenders and friends and they flirted while at work probably and definitely did so in text... Which was unprofessional af, since he was the manager.
Anyway, told him not to keep in contact with them after picking up on their "friendship, he did. Our relationship soured and one night I got fed up and waited til he was asleep and stealthy unlocked his phone (had to try the d**n fingerprint thing since he kept his phone on lock down all day and kept the passcode a secret too) and boy did I find a PLETHORA of texts and pics proving that he was having an affair with those two girls(sometimes together) and I ended it that night. It was a s**t show. My only regret is that I didn't get out sooner. We were pretty incompatible when I look back, and my current bf is my actual soul mate and I couldn't be happier now!!
Tldr: he cheated, and unsurprisingly, he did it again. 10/10 not worth.
12points
#12
He cheated 2nd year and 7th year (LOTS of backstory we do not have time for here - let’s just say infidelity is a SYMPTOM of things wrong in a relationship) - I forgave him both times. I’m not sure he has ever forgiven himself. It took many years (probably about 6-7) to trust again. We are now at year 33 and we couldn’t be happier. Our kids are grown. We have an incredible partnership. We are best friends. We have worked exceptionally hard on our relationship and it has been worth it. We love and adore each other.
11points
Another big payoff? Emotional connection and deeper love. When you forgive, it signals to your partner that you’re willing to work through challenges together. This can strengthen intimacy and foster a sense of safety in the relationship. Forgiveness doesn’t erase the hurt, but it does create space for empathy and understanding. You begin to appreciate your partner’s efforts and intentions, even if mistakes happen along the way, which can deepen the bond over time.
#13
Husband cheated. I told him he had to leave. Now. He cried, apologized. Said he would give me and the kids his paycheck and move in with his mom with just enough money to live on. I told him I didn't want his money. The kids and I will be fine. He cried even more. Weeks later we had a counseling session. He is back home now, has been for over a year and has done everything he can to appreciate me for all that I do for him and the kids. To make matters worse, he cheated in the middle of the year and a half between both of my parents dying so I'm in quite an emotional roller coaster now.
9points
#14
Found out my then boyfriend was messaging other girls the day before my birthday one year. Not the way friends would message, more like ‘I don’t love neonloneliness, I love you’ and ‘I’m gonna take you a hotel room and tear your clothes off with my teeth’
Took him back. He then slept with someone else a week later. Found out months after.
Took him back again (yes I’m an idiot but I was vulnerable and he was a manipulative compulsive liar)
Then found out he had said to a group of our friends, bearing in mind my mum had been dead about 6 months when we got together, ‘I don’t get why neonloneliness isn’t over her mum yet, it’s getting boring now’. That was the moment I realised he was an utter piece of s**t and was never gonna change. I’m still trying to build myself back up from all of that, I really didn’t think I could ever bounce back from it. But I’m getting there, one day at a time.
Took him back. He then slept with someone else a week later. Found out months after.
Took him back again (yes I’m an idiot but I was vulnerable and he was a manipulative compulsive liar)
Then found out he had said to a group of our friends, bearing in mind my mum had been dead about 6 months when we got together, ‘I don’t get why neonloneliness isn’t over her mum yet, it’s getting boring now’. That was the moment I realised he was an utter piece of s**t and was never gonna change. I’m still trying to build myself back up from all of that, I really didn’t think I could ever bounce back from it. But I’m getting there, one day at a time.
9points
#15
I found some messages on her phone to her best friend about me. Mean-spirited stuff. I was really hurt and she expressed that she was venting and didn’t really feel that way. We went to counseling and worked through some old resentments.
9points
Of course, forgiveness often comes into play when trust has been broken. And restoring trust is tricky; it’s not instant or automatic. It requires honesty, consistency, and patience from both partners. Rebuilding trust can involve small steps, like keeping promises, showing transparency in actions, and openly acknowledging mistakes. Forgiveness without effort to restore trust can feel hollow, but combined with clear action, it lays the groundwork for a stronger, healthier relationship.
#16
Deciding 5 years in, while actively try to buy a house together, that he didn't want kids. Covid lock down started a week later and we were forced to keep living together and trying to sort it out.
Honestly, I'm glad now that I don't have kids. The last few years have been really bad and my responsibilities have just skyrocketed. Both parent diagnosed with cancer, I was the primary caregiver, both have passed, leaving me grieving and running the family business alone. My granddad passed. My grandma suffered multiple strokes and had to be moved to an assisted living facility. My uncle has chronic intestinal bleeds and had to be moved to an assisted living facility. Multiple pets have had cancer or other severe medical crisis pop up and need extensive care or surgeries.
I've been struggling to keep myself and my business alive, I can't image what it would have been like to try to do it all with a toddler. If I had kids when I was younger, I think I would have been a good mom, but the last couple of years have chewed me up and spit me out and I'm afraid I would have royally screwed up a baby.
Honestly, I'm glad now that I don't have kids. The last few years have been really bad and my responsibilities have just skyrocketed. Both parent diagnosed with cancer, I was the primary caregiver, both have passed, leaving me grieving and running the family business alone. My granddad passed. My grandma suffered multiple strokes and had to be moved to an assisted living facility. My uncle has chronic intestinal bleeds and had to be moved to an assisted living facility. Multiple pets have had cancer or other severe medical crisis pop up and need extensive care or surgeries.
I've been struggling to keep myself and my business alive, I can't image what it would have been like to try to do it all with a toddler. If I had kids when I was younger, I think I would have been a good mom, but the last couple of years have chewed me up and spit me out and I'm afraid I would have royally screwed up a baby.
9points
#17
My ex and I were each other's firsts (we got together right after high school, and were together almost ten years). I confused his lack of interest in my pleasure for his inexperience. Honestly I'm fairly hard to get off (props to my bf who makes it happen on the daily and figured out how to make it happen within 10min) so I wasn't trying to judge and I'm sure it was very frustrating dealing with that. However even with communication about it, it never really got better. I didn't see him try harder. Eventually we stopped being intimate for the last two years of the relationship.
Second one was when he started a new job in a customer-service area. One of his coworkers was smitten immediately and apparently they were talking all the time at work. He didn't tell her we were engaged for the first three weeks.
Third was when he gaslighted me about his infatuation with her and defended their "friendship". People started putting their input about us into his head, and said I was trying to alienate him from having platonic women friends in his life. This went on for a solid year before he finally blocked her.
Last was right after our breakup. It was mutual and amicable, but it didn't make it any easier. I found out for the first few weeks of us being broken up, he was fooling around with his best chick friend (who was a mutual friend of ours and I had hooked her up with another mutual friend - they had been together about 3-4 years) under my nose. She broke up with her ex (the friend) and he was actually the one who gave me the heads up when he found out about it.
Anyway needless to say, we both gave each other lot of chances. We simply were not compatible.
Second one was when he started a new job in a customer-service area. One of his coworkers was smitten immediately and apparently they were talking all the time at work. He didn't tell her we were engaged for the first three weeks.
Third was when he gaslighted me about his infatuation with her and defended their "friendship". People started putting their input about us into his head, and said I was trying to alienate him from having platonic women friends in his life. This went on for a solid year before he finally blocked her.
Last was right after our breakup. It was mutual and amicable, but it didn't make it any easier. I found out for the first few weeks of us being broken up, he was fooling around with his best chick friend (who was a mutual friend of ours and I had hooked her up with another mutual friend - they had been together about 3-4 years) under my nose. She broke up with her ex (the friend) and he was actually the one who gave me the heads up when he found out about it.
Anyway needless to say, we both gave each other lot of chances. We simply were not compatible.
7points
#18
I'm in the midst of this. My husband lied about having a job for a year, getting the money from his parents instead. I found out in February and I'm still wary about trusting him. We went into marriage counseling (before I found out), and after the reveal he went into individual therapy, got on antidepressants, got a job (for sure), and basically has done everything I've asked in order to regain trust.
I forgave him because his action was rooted in shame of not being able to get a job. I get that. And he seems to be trying really hard to become a better person, not just for me, but for himself. Often though, I wonder if I'm just fooling myself by staying. If he could lie about having a job, what else could he lie about?
I forgave him because his action was rooted in shame of not being able to get a job. I get that. And he seems to be trying really hard to become a better person, not just for me, but for himself. Often though, I wonder if I'm just fooling myself by staying. If he could lie about having a job, what else could he lie about?
7points
Dr. John Gottman, a world-renowned expert on relationships, explains why forgiveness is such a game-changer. According to his research, holding onto negative emotions takes a massive toll on both individuals and the relationship itself. It drains energy, saps joy, and makes even small conflicts feel overwhelming. Genuine forgiveness requires courage and strength, but it’s the key to unlocking a future full of connection and growth. When you forgive authentically, you’re not just letting go of pain; you’re actively creating space for love to flourish.
#19
I stayed after he got real drunk, chased me down the street and tried to lock me in the trunk of our car by my neck. It was the first time he had ever been violent in 3 years. A minor incident of violence a couple of years later, and ended up leaving him 2 yrs after that because-after being voluntarily unemployed for over a year while I worked 80+ hrs per week to support us-he went into a rage about my wanting to give a homeless man $30 for a pair of shoes (we could afford it, his feet were wrapped with packing tape, and it was negative 8 degrees Fahrenheit in Chi).
7points
#20
He pinned me against a wall by my throat.
He'd been emotionally abusing and gaslighting me for a few years, so when he said he was sorry but I'd just pushed him too far, I believed him.
I tried to leave, he convinced me to stay.
The isolation, gaslighting and emotional a***e got worse. I forgave him for everything he did while ripping myself apart inside for every little mistake.
I had to call my mum when I was getting groceries because otherwise he wouldn't let me talk freely.
I tried to leave again a year later. He threatened to k**l himself. I stayed with a male friend who s****************d me in my sleep. I had nowhere left to turn, so I went back.
He said that guys like that are why he didn't want me to be alone with other people.
It took me another 2 years to realise that when she slapped me while I was crying, it wasn't to "snap me out of it", it was to make me stop being annoying. So I learned not to cry.
4 years after he pinned me to the wall someone crazier than him tried to take over my life and claim me as a trophy. She and her boyfriend got most of my stuff moved out in a day, then that was it.
He told me that I was "good at making people fall in love with [me]" but I would "hurt everyone around [me]" and the words that haunt me still are;
"One day you're going to look around and find yourself all alone, not knowing how you got there. It'll be because you pushed everyone away who was trying to help you."
I'm still recovering 5 years later. I'm engaged, I'm getting better, but he did a number on me.
As soon as he laid his hand on me in violence I knew do down I had to leave. But it was so much harder and more complicated than I imagined.
He'd been emotionally abusing and gaslighting me for a few years, so when he said he was sorry but I'd just pushed him too far, I believed him.
I tried to leave, he convinced me to stay.
The isolation, gaslighting and emotional a***e got worse. I forgave him for everything he did while ripping myself apart inside for every little mistake.
I had to call my mum when I was getting groceries because otherwise he wouldn't let me talk freely.
I tried to leave again a year later. He threatened to k**l himself. I stayed with a male friend who s****************d me in my sleep. I had nowhere left to turn, so I went back.
He said that guys like that are why he didn't want me to be alone with other people.
It took me another 2 years to realise that when she slapped me while I was crying, it wasn't to "snap me out of it", it was to make me stop being annoying. So I learned not to cry.
4 years after he pinned me to the wall someone crazier than him tried to take over my life and claim me as a trophy. She and her boyfriend got most of my stuff moved out in a day, then that was it.
He told me that I was "good at making people fall in love with [me]" but I would "hurt everyone around [me]" and the words that haunt me still are;
"One day you're going to look around and find yourself all alone, not knowing how you got there. It'll be because you pushed everyone away who was trying to help you."
I'm still recovering 5 years later. I'm engaged, I'm getting better, but he did a number on me.
As soon as he laid his hand on me in violence I knew do down I had to leave. But it was so much harder and more complicated than I imagined.
6points