30 Brutal Lessons For More Effective Parenting, As Shared By Moms Online

You have to parent the kid you have, not the one you want.

Picking your battles. Does it really matter if your kid wears mismatched socks? Is it really a big deal if they wear a princess dress to go grocery shopping? Those are minor things that absolutely do not make a difference in the long run. Let it go and life is easier for you both.

Your kid isn’t giving you a hard time. THEY are having a hard time.

stone_fox_in_mud added:

Absolutely. And so much so for any child with a disability.

[deleted] added:

I wish more people would understand this, when their children are having a tantrum. So maby people write it off as bad behaviour. Where in reality it is your child having an overwhelming amount of emotions and feelings and no clue as to how to deal with them.

A parent would do their child's emotional development a huge favour by trying to understand this.

The book "The Science of Parenting" explains this from a neurological and attachment psychological point of view - with many great sources.

If you still have baggage or trauma that’s not dealt with, you and your kids will suffer for it.

You’re there to guide, not control. Even when they are doing it wrong.

That they are individuals and deserve respect. Also, you have to earn their respect. It shouldn’t be freely given just because you gave birth to them or provide them with basic necessities like housing, clothing, or food.

They are not you - now say it again 10 times. They may or may not like the things you do or did at their age. No amount of yelling, begging, forcing, or conjoling will make them just like you. They absolutely will not have the same life experience and they have a completely different perspective than you. Even if they're your "mini me" they are absolutely their own person. You can even go as far to say that if they're truly a carbon copy of either parent, you've probably done something wrong as a parent.

Don't punish them for having feelings and then expecting them to manage those feelings *perfectly* when you can't even curb your anger disappointment at your kid having a hard time. Sorry they can't get their tantrum together in 5 seconds. Maybe figure out why they are emotional and help them fix it.

You are not their friend (you are their parent), you will mess up but love and kisses are very important at every age

They (the kids) need to make mistakes.

That you aren't raising kids. They are already are kids. You are raising adults, hopefully competent adults. Competent adults who know how to be an adult.

Every single thing you do teaches them something. Signed, my kid’s first word was ‘s**t’

Parents need to do their part when their child is struggling in school. We can only do so much in 8 hours. If parents want results faster then they need to commit.

That the best thing to do is to prepare the child for the path and not the path for the child.

Kids tell lies. They do. It’s part of their emotional and intellectual development. Don’t make it a big deal. Respond appropriately to the untruthful ness. Discuss it. Don’t take it personally.

Hardest pill for me to swallow so far is that they are going to grow up. My kids are 8 and 12 now and I am already SO sad about them growing up and moving out etc. I do focus on the time we've got now, but when those thoughts pop into my head I get SUPER sad. We haven't reached the teen years yet though so check back in the next few years.

WORST part of parenting: figuring out what the f**k to make for dinner EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. I hate it so much. But if I don't feed them, they'll die, so that's lame.

Teach them independence. Let them fall and scrap their knees. Let them fail. You are preparing for the real world. There will be mean people so you need to know that it’s important to be confident.

My mom said, “That they are not a miniature version of yourself. As individuals they will need to do some things their own way, even if it’s not YOUR way.”

My mom has always allowed my siblings and myself to be authentically ourselves. She’s amazing.

Kids are tiny humans. It's easy to slip into seeing them as little machines into which you're supposed to input life lessons and get out good behavior. But even as kids, they are whole humans--they have bad days where they're grumpy and will be short with you, and there are foods they will never like no matter how many times you put it on their plate, and they'll pick the sports or hobbies they're into regardless of what you were into. If they're having a bad day, don't explain to them why they shouldn't be having a bad day; don't invalidate how they feel about things; treat them with the kindness and understanding and encouragement you give to your friends. I'm not saying "be your kid's best friend"--you need to be their parent and help them build the life skills and emotional intelligence necessary for a happy life, but do it in a way that treats them like the whole, individual humans they are.

At some point, around age 12 or 13, it will seem like they genuinely hate you and they will be incredibly unpleasant to deal with. It passes, but it is rough when you are in the middle of it. You have to weather it with patience and grace (and consequences when warranted) because it is only a stage.