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Getting people to see what’s right in front of their face is not easy. This is largely due to the fact that we, as humans, hate hearing the truth. It’s especially true when we are dealing with truths that involve something we need to improve or work on.
To find out more about why so many of us don’t feel comfortable around hard-to-swallow truths, Bored Panda reached out to Susan Petang, a certified life coach who runs The Quiet Zone Coaching. Susan is helping those who struggle with stress find relief, manage their fears, and build self-confidence so they can wake up happy in the morning.
Susan said that if the truth is something we don’t agree with, it will be uncomfortable to hear it because it all has to do with our core beliefs and values, and the way we view the world. “When what we believe to be true about ourselves, situations, other people, or the world, in general, is at odds with what we observe, the result is cognitive dissonance—when our beliefs and our observations are at odds. This can cause considerable stress,” she explained.
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However, one has to be aware that perception can be an issue here too. “So, what I have experienced as 'truth' may not be what you have experienced as 'truth.' For example, one could say that the truth is that water boils at 212 degrees. Or does it? If you use the metric system, water boils at 100 degrees.”
Susan said that even though these two are the same, the perception, the semantics come across differently, and “what one individual might experience as truth wouldn't be truth to someone else.”
Susan warns that when you’re telling people something they don’t want to hear, it’s going to sound like a criticism. She suggests keeping that in mind and not being surprised if you get perceived as the one launching an attack.“
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That being said, the first step is to remember kindness and the Golden Rule. How would you want to be told that something you believe isn't true?” Susan suggests thinking about your tone in communication, which should be kind, respectful, and encouraging.
Moreover, you may use reflective listening. “For example, you could say, 'It sounds like you see grass as pink,' or 'I'm hearing that you think crocodiles make great pets.' You can also add, 'Tell me how you came to that conclusion,' or 'I'm curious as to how you formed that opinion.'"
Susan encourages using expressions like "It sounds like..." "I'm hearing that..." "You seem to feel..." "I'm noticing that..."It’s also important to phrase the truth in a way that doesn’t undermine others.
And also, it's important to agree to disagree, since “even after you have (calmly!) stated the truth, someone else still might not accept it,” she concluded.
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Mark Murphy, the author of "Truth At Work: The Science Of Delivering Tough Messages," suggests that cognitive dissonance is to blame. It occurs when someone holds two psychologically inconsistent beliefs (or attitudes or opinions) that create unpleasant mental tension.
Murphy explains: “If you've ever been in a conversation with someone who just couldn't, or wouldn't, hear the truth, no matter how many ways you tried to explain it, or who reacted so badly to the truth that you regretted saying anything at all, you've likely witnessed someone who was experiencing cognitive dissonance.”
This is because such a reaction is a way of lessening psychological tension and reducing anxiety when people face something that contradicts their existing beliefs, attitudes, and opinions.
In reality, no human brain would ever enjoy receiving information that doesn’t help ourselves in the sense that it makes our lives more difficult or threatens our self-esteem, status, and public image. And it seems that the saying “truth hurts” wasn’t born out of nowhere.