As tough as it may be, sometimes you just have to make peace with the fact that you’ve been friend zoned. Of course it’s disappointing, but trying to ignore the situation just makes you creepy and could even ruin the friendship for good.
A woman who went on one date with a guy she met at her climbing gym didn’t feel any spark, so she gently let him know she’d prefer to just be friends. Everything seemed fine, but a year later, he showed up with an “anniversary” gift. Shocked and confused, she turned to an online community to vent.
More info: Reddit
Being friend zoned is less than ideal, but it’s something you just have to accept, unless you want to come across as a creep
Image credits: roya ann miller / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
One woman went on a less-than-romantic date with a guy she'd met at a climbing gym, but decided they’d be better off just being friends and politely told him as much
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The guy didn’t put up a fuss, so the pair kept up with the friendship, but a few months later, told her he’d told his friends they’d been dating
Image credits: dikushin / Freepik (not the actual photo)
To make matters worse, he then showed up with a romantic “anniversary” gift, which creeped her out even more
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The woman felt forced to reemphasize the fact that they were just friends, but the guy still wouldn’t get the picture
Image credits: anon
After she vented to an online community about it, she updated her original post to share that she’d finally blocked the guy’s number to hopefully put an end to his dating delusions
Meeting someone in real life felt like a refreshing change for OP, so she agreed to go on a climbing “date” with a guy she’d met at the gym. After their casual climbing session, she politely explained there was no spark. Case closed, right? Not quite. Instead of moving on, the guy kept texting her, insisting he wanted to stay friends.
Over the summer, things took a bizarre twist. At a bonfire, he casually referred to her as his girlfriend, something she definitely hadn’t signed up for. Startled, she made it clear again that she wasn’t interested romantically. He agreed to “stay friends,” but still assumed her distance and lack of intimacy were just COVID precautions. Talk about delusional.
As the months passed, their “friendship” felt increasingly awkward. He was chronically late, endlessly gassy, and hardly compatible, even as a pal. Then came the cherry on top: an “anniversary” gift of a necklace with her birthstone. Confused, she reiterated they weren’t dating. His response? He thought they were together all along.
By then, she felt disrespected and, frankly, unsafe. Despite setting boundaries repeatedly, he ignored them and clung to his “more than friends” fantasy. Realizing communication wasn’t the issue (his entitlement was) she turned to netizens to vent and ended up ghosting him for good.
Image credits: Or Hakim / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
From what OP tells us in her post, the creep clearly didn’t understand, or flat out wouldn’t accept, that he’d been friend zoned. And it’s not like she led him on. So, what do you do when someone just refuses to accept your boundaries? We went looking for answers.
In their article for The Center for Anxiety and Behavior Management, Alexa Vernola and Dr. Cassandra Faraci write that boundaries are a way for us to communicate what makes us feel safe and comfortable. Even the kindest and most respectful presentation of these boundaries often leads the boundary crosser to take offense, however.
If your boundaries aren’t being respected, it could be happening for several reasons, including not verbalizing them, apologizing for setting them, modifying or abandoning them when they face resistance, or only expressing them once.
New York-based licensed therapist, Kate O’Brien, says that you get to decide what actions to take when someone isn't respecting your boundaries. Some of these may include recognizing that you can’t control others, setting limits and consequences, and checking in with yourself about how flexible your boundaries really are.
Who can blame OP for cutting off all contact with the creep? He obviously wasn’t going to take no for an answer; maybe this time he’ll take the hint.
What would you have done if you’d found yourself in OP’s shoes? Do you think she could have been any clearer, or is the guy just a deluded freak? Share your opinion in the comments!
In the comments, readers suggested the woman give the “anniversary” gift back, then ghost the persistent guy as soon as possible
