Everyone wants to be there for family members in their time of need. Although this isn’t always possible, most people try to be there for their loved ones to the best of their ability. This can, unfortunately, also lead to some folks being taken advantage of for their niceness.
This is what happened to one man whose relatives expected him to house his autistic cousin for almost a month to help out his aunt. He probably would have been okay offering help, but he disliked how his cousin behaved toward him, so he refused.
More info: Reddit
Sometimes, family members are disrespectful and rude, which is why other relatives may not want to spend too much time around them
Image credits: Vitaly Gariev / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The poster shared that his aunt, who had lost her husband, was struggling to find a job, and hence needed someone to care for her 15-year-old autistic son
Image credits: Monstera Production / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The poster was asked to take his cousin in for close to a month while his aunt looked for a job, but the guy didn’t want to do that because his cousin was rude to him
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The man also felt that since his cousin hated him, and he’d have to manage his expenses more carefully, he didn’t want to take on the responsibility of housing the teen
Image credits: UnspeakableActions
His refusal to look after his cousin angered his parents and relatives, who felt that he was being unreasonable, even though they didn’t want to help either
The poster explained that he had always struggled to connect with his 15-year-old autistic cousin because the teen kept making fun of, criticizing him, and complaining to his mom. He tried his best to be cordial toward his cousin because he knew about his autism, but still didn’t like spending as much time with him.
According to experts, a few reasons why autistic individuals might come across as “rude” are that they might view a situation differently. Some individuals who have sensory processing difficulties might get overwhelmed and react a certain way to stimuli they don’t like. They may also get fixated on certain things or struggle letting things go which can be difficult.
The OP understood the struggles his cousin might be facing, which is why he tried to be patient with the teen but also kept his distance. This became a problem when the boy’s mother asked the poster to look after him for a month so that she could find a job. She had no other option because her husband had passed away recently.
In such cases, it might be difficult to say no to a family member who reaches out for help. The OP felt obligated to help his cousin, but he also didn’t want to have to deal with such responsibility. Although it might be tough to say no to certain people, one should not feel coerced by feelings of shame, guilt, or fear causing them to give in.
Image credits: Tim Mossholder / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Unfortunately, the OP faced a lot of backlash for his decision not to take in his cousin. Even though most of his other relatives didn’t want to step up to the plate, they expected him to make the effort and look after the teen for a month. This only made the poster feel guilty and more pressured.
Although it might seem right to offer help to everyone who needs it, it doesn’t mean that one needs to overextend oneself. Some acts of kindness can really brighten people's days, but putting yourself in a difficult position to rescue someone else will only make things worse.
To understand this type of situation better and to get a better understanding of boundaries, Bored Panda reached out to Dr. Tori Olds. She is a psychologist who helped start Deep Eddy Psychotherapy. She enjoys using experiential methods and learning about the mind.
Dr. Tori explained that “a good thing to remember: a real boundary requires you to do something, but the other person does nothing. In other words, it isn't a request. It is the act of letting someone know exactly what you will do in response to their (unwanted) behavior. That's the boundary. It's something you yourself decide to do.”
Even though the poster might come off as the ‘bad guy’ to his family, this decision might help preserve his time and mental health. His older relatives can also step up to the plate and be of service instead of putting him down.
What do you think about this situation, and who are you siding with? Share your thoughts in the comments section.
People sided with the poster and felt that taking in his cousin might end up becoming a permanent thing if he isn’t careful
