I'll go on a limb and say that most of us probably wouldn't like to be teaching someone we're dating manners. But life is full of surprises, and a now-deleted Reddit user got into a situation he probably couldn't even imagine before.
He recently asked the 'Am I The [Jerk]?' subreddit for their opinions about whether or not he was wrong to "silence" his girlfriend who mocked a cancer patient for her appearance. Sadly, it's as bad as it sounds, and even though the guy may have made the post to see if their relationship is worth saving, people thought it's not.
This guy didn't like his girlfriend making mean comments about people's appearances
Image credits: titovailona (not the actual photo)
And her making fun of a cancer patient was the last straw
Image credits: Anna Shvets (not the actual photo)
Image source: [deleted]
Of course, it's hard to say why the woman acted in such a despicable manner when we don't know her. But according to Nigel Barber, Ph.D., who taught psychology at Bemidji State University and Birmingham Southern College, it often comes from personal self-doubt.
"In a verbal society, such as the human one, physical aggression is less often used to settle issues of status: these are mostly deferred to verbal interactions," Barber wrote. "An insult can thus be interpreted as an attempt to reduce the social status of the recipient and raise the relative status of the insulter."
"If that logic is correct, we can assume that insults are often motivated by anger surrounding issues of status insecurity," he added.
We now live in an era of extreme concern about how we are perceived by others; social psychologists have been charting a steady increase in narcissism among college students. There is little consensus about why this is happening, but some experts believe that the more children are measured on evaluative scales—aptitude tests, IQ scores, and GPA—the more sensitive they are to threats to their social rank.
But this narcissism trend is accentuated by other factors as well. For example, social media where people are subject to unrelenting evaluation by others who encourage them to inflate their egos, often at the expense of others.
"Concern with how one is perceived creates social insecurity that may be relieved by lashing out at other ... people," Barber continued.
And this is not the way to go. "Effective communities maintain solidarity by keeping direct insults to a minimum. Hence the elaborate traditions of politeness and respect found in real-world communities of the past; people behaved that way to avoid unnecessary anger, disputes, and violence."
After the story went viral, the original poster (OP) gave more information in the comments
This story illustrates just how difficult modern dating can be
Image credits: bernardbodo (not the actual photo)
Setting two people up can be a tricky business even if it comes from good intentions. After all, not everyone’s matchmaking skills are the same as Cupid's.
But whether you've met someone online or have been introduced to at a friend's party, the truth of the matter is that nowadays romantic relationships are tricky business.
Among those who are on the dating market – the 15% of American adults who are single and looking for a committed relationship or casual dates – most say they are dissatisfied with their dating lives and that it has been difficult to find people to date, according to a Pew Research Center survey from 2019.
Daters who had difficulty finding people to date in the past year were also asked about some of the possible reasons that might be the case.
Among these daters, the most common explanations include the challenge of finding someone who is looking for the same type of relationship (53% say this is a major reason), difficulty in approaching people (46%) and trouble finding someone who meets their expectations (43%).
Sadly, for the author of the post, their now-ex girlfriend failed them as well.
And the majority of people unanimously said he did nothing wrong
Some, however, pointed out that he should've done something when he noticed her red flags
