Raising multiple children who are on the autism spectrum can be incredibly challenging. Most parents would be happy to see their kids embrace more and more independence as they grow up. However, the sad reality is that some parents look for ways to control their kids, and some of their bizarre ‘support’ can lead to toxic family dynamics.
One desperate man asked the internet for help with an incredibly sensitive situation in his family. He revealed how his brother, who is autistic like him, has been behaving like a predator toward his girlfriend. However, the man’s parents completely excused his creepy behavior.
Scroll down for the full story, including two very important updates about just how bad his parents’ behavior got later.
Raising children who have autism and then caring for them into adulthood can be very challenging. However, some behavior is so wildly inappropriate that it needs to be called out
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One man, who has autism like his older brother, shared the toxic dynamics in his family. He revealed how his sibling behaved like a predator toward his girlfriend, but his parents' reaction stunned him
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Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
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Inappropriate behavior among autistic adults can range from small social misunderstandings to destructive and disruptive actions
Autism Speaks notes that, in the United States alone, 1 in 31 children and 1 in 45 adults have autism.
Autism can be reliably diagnosed by a specialist by the age of 2. However, the average age of diagnosis, at least in the US, is 5 years old.
74% of American autistic students graduate with a diploma, compared to 86% of all students. Meanwhile, 60% of Americans with autism are employed after receiving vocational rehabilitation services, which help them explore possible careers, find a job, and secure accommodation.
According to Autism Awareness Australia, inappropriate behavior in autistic adults can range from something as simple as basic social slip-ups to much more disruptive actions like rage episodes or destructive behavior.
Some of the main reasons why this happens can be due to difficulties understanding social cues or norms, sensory sensitivities, or communication challenges when expressing needs or discomfort.
“Teaching alternative behaviours involves a variety of strategies that can be quite effective. One approach uses social stories and narratives to teach appropriate behaviour in different scenarios,” Autism Awareness Australia explains.
“Role-playing is another useful method, allowing individuals to practice social interactions in a safe and supportive environment. Positive reinforcement is also key, where rewarding appropriate behaviour encourages it to be repeated.”
Consistently working together with a therapist can help you develop strategies to help calm down your autistic relative during moments of crisis
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Meanwhile, it’s also worth considering reaching out to professionals for guidance. “Working with therapists to develop tailored behaviour plans and customised strategies to meet individual needs effectively.”
Crisis behavior refers to actions that pose a risk to the individual themselves or to other people. For example, this can include severe aggression, self-harm, or destructive behavior.
“Immediate response techniques include ensuring the individual's and others' safety by removing dangerous objects, speaking in a calm, neutral tone, and avoiding physical confrontation. A pre-established crisis intervention plan with emergency contacts and steps to take during a crisis is also essential.”
In the meantime, long-term strategies include maintaining consistent routines in order to reduce anxiety, regular sessions with a behavioral therapist or psychologist, and prescribed medication in some cases.
In the case of rage episodes, which involve intense anger, you need to de-escalate the situation. This includes remaining calm, giving the individual space to calm down, and redirecting their anger to a calming activity. Therapists can help you develop personalized de-escalation techniques.
There is a level of personal responsibility and accountability that needs to exist. You cannot excuse every instance of creepy behavior by referring to the person's diagnosis
There are two core issues in the viral story here. The first problem is that the author’s parents kept gaslighting, manipulating, and controlling him. They kept flip-flopping between showing support and pushing him away.
What’s more, they seemed to be very much against his behaving independently, deciding things for himself, and enforcing basic boundaries regarding the way that his brother behaves.
The second issue is that the parents were completely unwilling to even try to change their older autistic son’s creepy, predatory behavior. They kept treating him as though he had no agency at all and that he wasn’t aware of any of the consequences of his own actions.
While some individuals on the autism spectrum can have (sometimes very serious) issues behaving in socially acceptable ways, this is not an excuse for aggressive, predatory, and indecent behavior.
What’s more, their loved ones shouldn’t excuse this type of unacceptable behavior. You can’t blame every single egregious thing on autism. There’s at least some level of personal and parental responsibility for one’s actions that has to be taken here.
And we’re not talking about an autistic child here, but a fully grown adult who has had more than three decades to learn and be taught the basics of socially appropriate behavior. For his brother, the author of the viral story, this is a particularly sore point, because he himself did his best to become independent despite also being autistic.
To be clear, this is not to say that there aren’t individuals out there on the autism spectrum who have an incredibly difficult time in all social settings. There are. And even siblings who are both on the autism spectrum can have different symptoms.
But most parents would likely do their best to teach them how (not) to behave toward guests, how to respect basic boundaries, and why privacy is so important. They wouldn’t try to pretend that nothing wrong is happening. Nor would they resort to victim-blaming.
This is a sensitive topic, but we’d like to hear your perspectives, dear Pandas. How would you have handled the entire situation if you were in either the sibling’s or one of the parents’ shoes? Do you have any family members who are autistic? If you feel like sharing your thoughts, you can do so in the comments below.
Many people were completely shocked by the awful situation the man found himself in. Here are their perspectives
Later, the author had an important update to share with everyone
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This is what readers had to say after they read the first update
After some time, the man shared another follow-up post about his family
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Here's how the internet reacted to the second update
