The gym is a place where people of all ages, gender, shape and size can come together to exercise and improve their health. With that in mind, most want to focus on working out without being interrupted. Unfortunately, women find that this isn’t always the case for them.
Avrey Ovard is the latest person to catch this on camera. Whilst filming herself exercising at the gym, she is approached by someone who wants to get to know her better. In the short clip posted on Avrey’s TikTok, he introduces himself, asks for her number but leaves without it.
Although there’s nothing wrong with being forward and asking someone out on a date (when the conditions are right), you should also be prepared for the chance of getting rejected. In this case, it’s the response of the respective Romeo in the gym that has captured the internet’s attention.
Some consider that Avrey was rude about turning him down, others think that what she said was perfectly acceptable. Check out the video below and let us know what you think.
The video highlights a recurring instance that happens to women in the gym: whilst exercising, they get asked out by a man who’s had their eye on them.
To gain some insight into why this continues to happen, I spoke to Samantha Brennan, Professor of Philosophy and Dean of the College of Arts at the University of Guelph. With Tracy Isaacs, she's the co-author of Fit at Midlife: A Feminist Fitness Journey and the co-founder of the Fit is a Feminist Issue blog.
Prof. Brennan told Bored Panda this: "The gym is an uncomfortable environment for lots of people, but especially for women and for those who don't fit into society's gender norms."
"Because so many of us associate fitness with looking a certain way rather than about sports performance or overall health (a mistake in my opinion), there's a lot of attention in gym environments with the way our bodies look. People at the gym scrutinize their own bodies and the bodies of others," she said.
"That can mean, for many women, unwanted attention. There's the mistaken view that if you're at the gym, you want that attention. And many, or most women, just don't."
Avrey Ovard was filming exercises for her YouTube channel when it happened
In the expanded version of the video, Avrey explains more about the situation and how she feels about it.
She said that although she had seen a lot of TikToks of other girls that it happened to, it was a first for her. “I have never had an experience like this, getting hit on in the gym,” she said.
The encounter left her feeling embarrassed but she asserts her view on it: “Men, leave women alone in the gym,” she said. “It’s literally the last place where I would ever want to be hit on.”
As gyms are a shared space, it's important to be respectful of each other whilst there. Prof. Brennan highlights the need for safe spaces in gyms, especially for women. She said, "We all need spaces to work out where we aren't being observed for the way we look. Lots of physical activity isn't pretty or graceful. Women athletes often hold back because they don't want to be seen as sweaty or breathless."
She continues to talk about women's sporting outfits too, an important topic in the Tokyo 2020 Olympics this year where athletes in Germany's and Norway's Olympic teams protested the sexualization of their outfits.
Prof. Brennan said, "Lots of sportswear is form-fitted for performance reasons. Think about the uni-suits that rowers wear or the skin-suits worn by track cyclists. Even in a regular gym, it may be that you're wearing clothes that you wouldn't normally wear."
She told Bored Panda that she is "in favour of judgement free workout spaces for everyone, where we can focus on what we're doing and not on how we look".
The man tries to start small talk with her whilst she's busy
Prof. Brennan concludes with her advice for those going to the gym. She said, "Try out lots of gyms and find one that feels comfortable for you. Speak to the manager to see if they have a code of conduct for members."
"I like gyms with staff on the floor and I find that makes a difference in culture and behavior," she continued, "I also like gyms with a specific focus on inclusion. For me, it's not about women-only spaces so much as finding a gym that has a commitment to inclusion and respect."
It’s clear that being mindful of others in the gym is important. So, is there ever a right time to try asking someone out there and can it be done respectfully?
A survey completed by 'Top Protein' set out to find the United Kingdom’s preferences on flirting in the gym. In a survey of 1,914 people (men and women), 44% of respondents said that they liked when they would receive attention like this in the gym. 38% said that they didn’t mind when it happened to them and the remaining 18% had a negative view of it.
According to the answers they collected, 57% of people said the best technique for making a connection is: ‘just smile and try to make conversation’. Whilst the man in Avrey’s encounter does try to make conversation, he does so rather abruptly.
As you can see from the video, he interrupts her twice whilst she is wearing earphones. Firstly, to ask if she’s recording a video when it’s quite obvious and secondly, gesturing for her to remove the earphones before she is even aware of him talking to her. Perhaps he could have read the situation better.
He comes back to try talking to her again
Laura Williams, a fitness expert and writer at ‘Men’s Journal’, gives her advice to men on when it’s right to approach women at the gym.
She said, “Some women are open to starting conversations while working out. Some women aren’t.”
“If a woman smiles or says hi, she’s giving you the go-ahead to engage in small talk. If, however, she’s wearing headphones, avoiding eye-contact, and is completely engrossed in what she’s doing, don’t interrupt her.”
Avrey feels uncomfortable and tries to show her disinterest
The man asks her out but she turns him down
He retorts with an embarrassing comeback
Image credits: avreyovard
Whilst the interaction is very brief, people are debating whether or not Avrey said the right thing.
Although she probably meant that she herself was “too young”, she maybe didn’t think of the implication that the man was “too old” at the same time. And feeling insulted, this could be why we see him instantly snap back at her.
Perhaps she could have explained that she wasn’t interested or that she had a boyfriend?
Women have shared their experiences of unwanted attention and have used those same excuses too. Some have been successful, others have been ignored with men insisting even more. So, others believe that Avery was right in what she said in shutting the man down.
We’ll let you form your own opinion on the matter. Have you had a similar experience? Share your thoughts and stories in the comments.
Most people called out the man for his creepy behavior and fragile ego
But others said she was unnecessarily rude
In both social settings and structured environments like the gym, the approach taken in striking up conversations can vary. Much like the idea of learning the art of persuasion to ask someone out as explored in Jake's experience, there is much to be said about understanding the elements of intention and perception.
Just as Jake went for advice before messaging his crush, it might be beneficial for gym-goers to consider reading about effective communication strategies before attempting to connect with a stranger during their workout.