Weddings are supposed to be about love and new beginnings, but they often turn into a show where the outfits and perfect pictures become the focal point. Brides’ demands are not always acceptable and then it leads to unnecessary stress and fights.
This one bride wanted a certain look for her bridesmaids and wouldn’t allow any deviations from that image. And when her sister refused to grow out her hair so she could have a hairstyle like the rest, the bride was so upset she cried.
More info: Reddit
Bride wants her bridesmaids to look identical and she is not willing to make any exceptions, even for her sister
Image credits: Ashley (not the actual photo)
So she asked her to grow out her hair because the specific hairstyle she wants for her bridesmaids works only on longer hair
Image credits: Ro_ro_ro4458
The sister refused to make such a change to her hair and that caused a dramatic reaction
Since the Original Poster (OP) was 16 years old, she had short hair and kept it that way for years. It was never a problem for anyone until her sister got engaged and asked her to be a bridesmaid as she had a specific image in her head of how they should look.
The OP actually had more issues than just her hair. First of all, the dresses were supposed to be long and bright pink, which the OP agreed to wear even though she doesn’t like dresses and actually hasn’t worn one in front of family or relatives even once. Then she was told that she would have to have a flower in her hair and that would be awkward because her hair is not long enough for that, but she still agreed to do it.
This is when the conflict started. Her sister showed her the hairstyle that the bridesmaids would have, so the OP pointed out that it wouldn't be possible because of her hair length, to which her sister asked her to grow it out as there was still a year left until the wedding day.
The woman could agree to the dress and the hair accessory, but this was where she drew the line because even if she felt uncomfortable in those, she personally could bear it for a bit for the sake of her sister’s happiness. Growing out your hair, on the other hand, is a permanent change to your body that takes effort, but that doesn’t even guarantee that you will get the results you want.
The sister was furious and when she didn’t get her way, she started crying and complaining to her parents. Thankfully, they were on the OP’s side, but she still wondered if maybe her sister’s request was not too much. She said in a comment, “It’s just not my thing. Which made me feel horrible because, it’s so simple, I couldn’t just do one thing for her?”
People in the comments reassured her that she absolutely didn’t need to grow out her hair and she should teach her sister how to respect her boundaries, especially when she already compromised with the dress and the hair accessory. They called the sister controlling and called her out for trying to have a say over someone else’s body.
The encouragement from the comments was what the woman needed and she talked to her sister again. They apologized to each other and they agreed that the OP wouldn’t be growing out her hair, but would be wearing the hair accessory as well as a tux in the same color as the bridesmaids’ dresses. Although the OP was wary about what could happen in the next year.
Image credits: Corey Balazowich (not the actual photo)
This situation is not that uncommon. Actually, Bored Panda already covered a few stories of brides asking people to lose weight, cut their hair or change their hair color, leading to them being called bridezillas for making demands about long-term changes.
But the discussion about how much say a bride gets in bridesmaids’ appearance is ongoing. PopSugar says that if a person has a specific hair color or hairstyle or tattoo, they most likely got it because they wanted it and it was their choice, which means it’s a part of them and their expression. So you should accept that person for who they are.
The same goes for a person’s weight or skin color. PopSugar considers forcing bridesmaids to wear dresses they feel uncomfortable with going too far as well and believe it’s not “worth antagonizing the people we love because we want them to blend in or ‘look good in photos’ for one day.”
They also point out that the bride should consider the bridesmaids’ budgets, because dyeing your hair or covering up tattoos costs money. PopSugar reminds brides that although their wedding day is the biggest day in their lives and you don’t mind spending money for it, that can’t be said for other people who may have a couple more weddings lined up.
There was also another discussion started by Hannah on the Wedding Wire forum where she asked how much she can control the way her bridesmaids look at her wedding, because as a bridesmaid, she had varying experiences.
Most people thought that asking to wear certain clothing and accessories is fine, but if a bride asks for a specific accessory or shoe, she should be the one paying for it, because people consider it rude to force bridesmaids to spend money for something specifically for the wedding.
Anything that was more permanent like spray tan, lashes, hair extensions was deemed not appropriate and asking to change their body weight or have a specific haircut was considered rude.
What would be your take? What is appropriate for a bride to ask from her bridesmaids? Do you feel that making bridesmaids look a certain way and all uniform is an American tradition? What do bridesmaids do and how do they look in your culture? Let us know in the comments.
People in the comments supported the sister because it's a long-term change and she already compromised on a dress she felt uncomfortable in
Image credits: Jennifer Morrow (not the actual photo)
