For most engaged couples, planning their wedding is full of excitement and joy. The process may sometimes become stressful or overwhelming, but in theory, they’re getting ready for one of the happiest days of their lives. So the difficult times should be far outnumbered by moments of bliss!
But while one couple has been preparing to tie the knot, the groom's parents have made it clear that they want the father’s late wife included in the ceremony. Below, you’ll find a story that the soon-to-be husband recently shared on the “Am I the [Jerk]?” subreddit detailing the difficult situation, as well as some of the thoughts readers had.
Couples often feel pressure to balance familial expectations with their own desires for their wedding
Image credits: Dmitry Zvolskiy / pexels (not the actual photo)
But this man knew he had to draw the line when his fiancé was pressured to wear his father's late wife's wedding dress
Image credits: Kindel Media / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Maycon Marmo / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Karolina Kaboompics / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ByNerea
All wedding planning decisions should be made by the bride and groom
While the bride and the groom should get the final say when it comes to all decisions about their big day, it can be difficult not to be influenced by their families. Mom and Dad might have opinions on where the ceremony is held, what’s served for dinner, who gets an invite and what kind of music is appropriate for a wedding. But at the end of the day, the most important thing is that the couple tying the knot enjoys their experience.
When it comes to how much say parents should have on their child’s wedding day, Brides.com notes that it’s important to have reasonable expectations to avoid conflicts. “Some parents may help with the full planning while others may have a more distant role with firm boundaries set,” California-based wedding therapist, Ashley Precht, LMFT, told Brides.
“Having certain expectations going into the planning can be difficult, especially when the reality doesn’t match the expectations. It’s more helpful to go in with an open mind, have open and honest conversations, and ultimately remember that at the end of the day, it’s your child’s wedding,” the therapist continued.
According to The Knot, 49% of the average wedding is funded by the bride and groom, while families tend to cover the other 51%. And parents might feel like they can make more decisions if they’re paying for the occasion. But etiquette coach Lillian Njiru says that contributing financially should be like giving a gift. And we don’t get to dictate what others do with presents we’ve given them once they’ve been handed over.
As far as wearing a wedding dress that’s been passed down for generations, this isn’t an uncommon choice for brides to make. In fact, it can be a beautiful and meaningful gesture. I’ve personally always imagined myself wearing a tailored version of my mother’s gown if I decide to get married someday. But again, as with all wedding decisions, it’s important that the bride and groom get to make their own choices. Being pressured into doing something that your family wants isn’t the ideal way to spend your special day.
Image credits: Rene Terp / pexels (not the actual photo)
There's no timeline when it comes to grieving the loss of a spouse, and healing can take an incredibly long time
In this particular situation, however, it’s not only about the dress, but also about how the parents have chosen to keep Mia’s memory alive. Losing a spouse is an incredible pain that no one ever wants to experience, and it can be challenging for a widow or widower years, or even decades, after their loved one has passed. Verywell Mind notes that it’s perfectly normal to feel numb, shocked, heartbroken, anxious, angry or extremely emotional, especially in the beginning.
Clinical psychologist Dr. Christina Hibbert also explains that special occasions can be particularly painful. It may be helpful to continue celebrating anniversaries and birthdays for years to come. While the pain will never completely go away, you might reach a point where you can use these special days to celebrate the memory of how wonderful your loved one was.
Grieving can be especially difficult when you’re a parent, as you want to take care of your children as well as you can, but it can reach a point where they have to take care of you too. When it comes to supporting a grieving parent, A Place for Mom recommends being very patient. There is no timeline when it comes to grief, and unfortunately, healing is not linear.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this groom-to-be did anything wrong by putting his foot down and refusing to pressure his fiancé to wear Mia’s dress? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda piece discussing similar family issues, look no further than right here.
Image credits: Ivan Samkov / pexels (not the actual photo)
Later, the man responded to several readers and provided more background information
Many agreed that the groom had done nothing wrong, noting that he and his fiancé get to call all the shots when it comes to their wedding
However, some took issue with how he worded the post
