42 Popular Green Flags That People Realized Too Late Were Massive Red Flags

He seemed so devoted to me. Even my friends said so. He became my stalker when I left. Beware extreme devotion.

Extreme confidence. Sometimes it’s just arrogance in disguise.

Green flag -- has a close relationship with their Mom.

Red flag -- tells their Mom too much about your relationship, lets Mom interfere in private manners, and won't defend you against or draw boundaries with their Mom because they always pick her side.

People pleasing. They seem so generous and considerate, but once you get to know them you realize it can come from a place of anxiety and that they are (unconsciously) manipulating people to like them, they can have trouble saying (or even knowing) what they need, they'll create covert contracts and resent you for not reading their minds, they won't be able to set boundaries with others, etc.

Always wanting to do exciting stuff. Eventually you're going to have a boring day where you need to cope with being bored or create a conversation without having something around you to talk about.

Recent one for me: it was him having nearly all of the same interests/causes/values/hobbies as I did.

I thought it was ✨️meant to be✨️.

Turns out he was just mirroring me after going through all of my socials and old posts to find out what I was passionate about.

To this day I have no idea who this man actually is and it creeps me out.

Edit: Thanks for the range of stories on both sides for this kind of scenario! I should have included this in the initial post, but I think that intent & motivation is the biggest driver here when crossing in to red flag/scary territory.

After the rug-pull, it was the overt lies re: shared values & vision for the future that was so shocking.Thanks to the comment section for making sure that this was highlighted.

They’re friends with everyone. At first, it seems great. They’re social, they’re outgoing, and they’re easy to get along with. You think it’s an awesome trait.

Then you realize they can never truly be your friend because everything you say gets out somehow. You can’t confide in them. If there’s a disagreement, everyone thinks you’re the issue because everyone has them as a friend. Very similar to the whole “a friend to all is a friend to none.”.

Went out of his way to make sure everyone knew he was a feminist. He was not and wanted to manipulate his way into trapping women.

Excessive romance and love bombing. It’s a sign they may not be connected to reality or will cycle through very strong emotions quickly. It’s not inherently “wrong” to be that way, but it can mean bad times are in your future.

Lots of “therapy speak”. It can signal emotional awareness and an ability for self-reflection and psychological mindedness at first, but often - especially if it’s excessive - it can reveal a tendency for self-centeredness, conceit, and arrogance. 

Almost everyone who I’ve met who’s told me “I’m trying to be less of a people pleaser and prioritize my own needs” has ended up being profoundly selfish .

They “like” everything. Without exception.

Being overly 'helpful'. It's the sunny side of control.

Green flag 💚 - very social and happy, overly positive and brightens the room, can work any room or social situation.

Red flag ♥️ - loves the attention too much, is flirtatious with others because it's a quick way to get positive attention, always has to be the center of everyone's world.

Sometimes work ethic can fall into this category. In the beginning, someone might seem like a hard worker who is always going above and beyond, but for some as time goes on, you realize they’re really a workaholic.

How confident they are. Usually in my experience this just turns into being extremely prideful.

Being low maintenance or just wanting to “go with the flow” can seem refreshing at first, but it will eventually mean more work for someone else. Decisions have to be made sometimes, and it’s annoying when one person in the relationship has to make them because the other person has a “oh whatever is fine” attitude.

Edit: Wow, I did not expect my comment to get so much attention, R.I.P. my inbox and thanks for the awards! It’s been interesting reading the comments.

Obviously, there are situations where “going with the flow” is a good thing, sometimes it can be difficult to express your opinion and make decisions when you’ve spent your life being shot down by other people, and sometimes there are relationships where one person naturally takes the lead.

My main point is that communication is vital, if both people are fine with one person making the decisions, that’s great. In a healthy relationship you need to communicate with each other to make sure one person doesn’t feel put upon or feels like their opinions don’t matter. Resentment is a relationship ender!

Extreme attentiveness can be seen as a green flag a lot of times, but usually turns into a red flag pretty quickly where they become controlling and/or get frustrated when you want space.

"My family is very important to me"
Could be a general sign of healthy values, but could also mean you get to spend endless time with their family.

Coming over too affectionate at a very early stage, and being controlling of your time - wanting to be with you all the time and not wanting you to have any conversation or activity, however innocent, with anyone else. Many people mistake this for affection when it is the thin end of a very controlling wedge.

Some of the biggest cheaters I’ve known have had that ‘golden retriever’ energy - adorable, sweet, playful seeming guys who want to be friends with everyone, have lots of women friends etc. Not saying those traits are inherently bad at all and of course there are exceptions but it’s very wolf in adorable-sheep’s- I’m so harmless -clothing. And their family members are usually clueless and think they’re the sweetest dudes to exist.

You start to notice it when their closest friends start dropping like flies because they always need to feel popular and validated with female attention.