Funerals are hard. There is no way around it, no way to prepare for the specific weight of standing at a graveside watching someone you love being lowered into the ground while wearing shoes that are slightly too formal and trying to remember the words to a hymn you have not thought about since school.
The grief is real, the silence is heavy, and for the people left behind, that moment at the graveside tends to stay with them for a very long time. Most of us just endure it. One Irish father could not bear the thought of his family standing at his grave in that silence and decided that, with a little planning, he could do something about it.
Tears of sadness are expected at a funeral, but one Irish dad decided he only wanted tears of laughter
A year ahead of his funeral, he cooked up a plan to help his family send him off in the most memorable way
Shay Bradley was, by all accounts, the kind of person who could light up a room without particularly trying. A 62-year-old Dublin man, a veteran of the Irish Defence Forces and, according to his son Jonathan, a "larger than life character who always wanted to make people laugh."
When Shay was diagnosed with a long illness, and the reality of what was coming began to settle in, most people in that situation might focus on getting their affairs in order, making peace with things, saying the important goodbyes. Shay did all of that too, presumably. But he also had an idea. A very elaborate, very Shay idea. And he planned it a year in advance.
Him and his son made a recording that would be played as people would gather around his open grave
Over lunch one day, Shay sat down with his son Jonathan and laid out what he wanted to happen at his funeral. Something considerably more memorable than the flowers and the finger sandwiches. He wanted a pre-recorded message played at the graveside, at the exact moment it would have the most impact.
The two of them set about recording it together, with Shay banging on a coffee table beside him to create the sound effect he needed. The resulting audio was saved, kept secret, and handed over to be played at the appropriate moment. Jonathan knew, but the rest of the family were completely in the dark. Shay went to his grave with the punchline ready.
His family shared heartfelt messages on social media, all agreeing that he was a one-of-a-kind jokester that they are lucky to have known
In the recording, he can be heard knocking from inside his casket, asking for help to get out
As the mourners gathered at the graveside, a speaker on the ground crackled to life. And out of it, from somewhere apparently beneath the earth, came the unmistakable voice of the man they had all just said goodbye to. "Hello, hello, hello... let me out!" Some knocking and some swearing followed.
And then, in case anyone had missed the comedic pivot he was going for, a little song. "Hello again, hello. I called to say goodbye." The graveside, moments before, heavy with grief, erupted. Jonathan later admitted he did not even know someone was filming it. It was supposed to be a private family moment. The internet had other ideas.
Someone shared the video online, and it went instantly viral, with many people applauding his brilliant plan
The video proceeded to rack up over 136,000 upvotes, with thousands of people leaving comments not just to pay tribute to Shay but to share their own stories of unexpected laughter in the middle of loss. Because it turns out that once you permit people to talk about the funny side of grief, they have a lot to say.
Shay's daughter Andrea also posted her appreciation on Twitter with the hashtag #Shayslastlaugh. Jonathan, speaking to the BBC, said his dad "wanted something special and for everyone to remember him as he was, so that everyone, especially my mother, did not leave the graveside sombre." Mission accomplished, Shay. Comprehensively and permanently accomplished.
But experts agree there is a deep connection between laughter and grief that can help us through those difficult times
As it turns out, Shay was not just being funny. He was, whether he knew it or not, doing something psychologically profound. Mary-Joan Gerson, PhD, explains that there is a deep connection between laughter and grief, noting that "the release we feel when we laugh is very close to the release we can experience when we face that we don't control our destiny."
In other words, laughing at a funeral is not avoidance; it is acceptance. It is the human psyche finding the most efficient route through something impossible. Gerson also links humor directly to resilience, describing the ability to "carry on, make meaning, and be somewhat hopeful" as crucial. Particularly in times of uncertainty and loss.
Weirdly enough, humans have been doing this for thousands of years. In Ancient Rome, families would hire a professional called an ‘archimimus’ to dance around the coffin, mimic the deceased and crack jokes at the funeral. First-century historian Suetonius documented one such performer at the funeral of Emperor Vespasian himself.
It seems like the Irish are the frontrunner to bring this concept back. Not only was Shay a top-class jokester, but young clown Gerry Perry quite literally tried to make funeral clowns a thing again. "We bring squirting flowers, we make balloon animals. We can even fall into the grave if you want us to. Let your loved one go down with a smile."
Dutch clown Roelof van Wijngaarden started off doing work in children’s hospitals but has on occasion branched out into the somber world of funerals too. He admits that breaking wind during an especially solemn part of the service is a speciality of his. Shay Bradley would have probably agreed. He just chose to handle it himself.
Do you think it is appropriate to laugh at a funeral? Share your thoughts in the comments!
Watch the full video of Shay's epic prank here:
People in the comments were quick to share stories of the laughs they have shared at funerals
