One of the most amazing things about being a parent is witnessing and celebrating all the milestones your child goes through. Whether it’s lacing up a shoe, acing a test, or riding a bike, making these moments memorable and filled with excitement boosts kids' confidence and encourages their continuous growth, too.
Unfortunately, when this woman completed her PhD and announced the good news to her parents, they couldn’t be less enthusiastic about it. This completely broke her heart, which pushed her to share about it online.
Parents who celebrate their children's successes boost their confidence and growth
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Unfortunately, these parents failed to do so, which left their daughter heartbroken
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: DraculasCoffin
“As adults, those who never experienced positive reinforcement as children fear failure"
Image credits: unsplash (not the actual photo)
Studies have shown that when parents celebrate their children’s successes and milestones, they are building their kids’ self-esteem, confidence, and motivation to pursue their goals and interests. This ultimately shapes them to be resilient, determined, and well-rounded individuals. No matter how big or small, acknowledging their efforts and growth creates a positive reinforcement environment, where children feel valued and supported and have an overall good emotional well-being.
Acknowledging milestones and successes also strengthens family bonds. By actively being there for their children and celebrating their triumphs, parents are fostering a deeper emotional connection with their children, which lets kids know that they’ll always have the support and guidance they need.
Making a child’s milestones and successes memorable doesn’t always have to be elaborate, either. Sometimes all it takes is a verbal phrase, like saying, ‘You did great today, bub! I’m proud of you. Your hard work really paid off.’ At other times, it can come in the form of a reward, such as a treat or a sticker. Bigger milestones might already require a family celebration, like a dinner or a movie night.
Unfortunately, not every child gets that, which can lead to undesirable traits in adulthood, like anxiety, fear of failure, or even imposter syndrome.
“As adults, those who never experienced positive reinforcement as children fear failure and as a result they tend to avoid opportunities and challenges due to fear of not ‘measuring up’ or meeting expectations,” psychologist Dr. Adolph Brown pointed out. “This is all correlated to the lack of support and encouragement they received as children.”
Positive reinforcement from parents is important in adulthood, too
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Receiving positive reinforcement from parents isn’t only crucial in childhood, but it’s important in adulthood, too. It helps to maintain good relationships with adult children and lessens the likelihood of conflict, stress, and anxiety. Even if it’s a simple card from parents, feeling supported, appreciated, and loved is very impactful for adults.
That said, some are of the opinion that parents shouldn’t be too focused on kids’ achievements, as too much pressure to succeed can cause stress and anxiety, which hinders their likelihood of accomplishing something. Unrealistically h**h expectations can be counterproductive, especially when it comes to education.
“Although parental aspiration can help improve children’s academic performance, excessive parental aspiration can be poisonous,” said lead author Kou Murayama of a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. “Simply raising aspiration cannot be an effective solution to improve success in education,” Murayama said.
So how can parents help their children succeed without unintentionally putting too much pressure that can interfere with their milestones and achievements? Well, one solution could be to celebrate their failures as much as their successes. If parents want their children to develop, their kids have to know that experiencing mistakes is how we learn and grow. They’re sometimes even more beneficial than our small, easy wins. As Billie Jean King said, “It’s not failure, it’s feedback.”
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