the question, “What's a good sign a dude is secure in his masculinity?” Answers poured in as users provided their own definitions, many of which defy what a self-proclaimed “alpha male” would say about himself.
#1
I remember growing up, kids would say that my dad was really my 'mom' and would poke fun at him taking on that role.
But he knew my mom loved her career, and his career was long long hours so something had to give. And he sacrificed his career.
To me there’s nothing more masculine than putting your partner and family first, regardless of what is traditional or what others think.
#2
Nothing screams insecurity like a dude desperately trying to convince everyone how masculine he is.
#3
Society had been mainly patriarchal for decades, and toxic masculinity was almost a norm among heterosexual men. According to Jorge, the concept has been around since the 1980s, but society only became aware of it through the rise of social media in the 2010s.
Efforts like the #MeToo and #TimesUp movement also helped spread awareness about such distasteful behavior.
“When celebrities, sports, and artists started to talk about being emotionally vulnerable and the need to change what it means to be a man, these issues were talked about in places they hadn't been before,” Jorge told Bored Panda.
#4
#5
#6
We can’t really fault all men for these toxic behaviors. As Jorge noted, these were rooted in the “traditional” ideas of manhood, where parents raise their sons to control their emotions, be dominant, and put less value on things that are “feminine.”
However, we can’t deny that these traits are toxic. As Jorge points out, they negatively affect everyone.
“Masculinity isn't bad in and of itself, but toxic masculinity and its strict standards hurt everyone, including men, by telling them they can’t feel. It stops us from being vulnerable, having empathy, and truly expressing our feelings,” he said.
#7
#8
Some of my mates were giving me sh*t that I'm not a man if I'm not providing for my family. I honestly couldn't care if that's what they think.
I imagine a lot of men would jump at the opportunity to be a stay at home Dad.
#9
We love confident masculinity.
Don’t have to prove anything if you know it within.
Why do “alphas” act the way they do? Jorge points to society’s expectations, which, of course, include the opposite sex. Parenting from decades ago also ignited these flames, with many using statements like “crying like a little girl” or “Are you a man or a mouse?”
“In my experience, one sees that these lessons are reinforced by how families work,” Jorge explained. “Peer pressure, the media, and national stories that link being a man with being strong, nonemotional, and controlling all the time.”
#10
He pursues his interests no matter what they may be.
My dad was a butcher and a car mechanic. He trained in the armed forces.
He also learned to sew, embroider, cook, bake, style hair, garden and emboss leather.
He could fix a broken sink, tune up the car, do the laundry, iron his shirts, make the bed change the baby’s diaper, bake a cake and cook dinner.
No one ever questioned his manliness, though that might because he could also tear your arm off and beat senseless you with it.
#11
#12
Toxic masculinity may also be a product of unpleasant reactions to the pain brought on by the inability to express oneself freely. Jorge notes that men are also a product of “systems” that make them who they are.
“When people act this way, it's usually because they are in pain, feel pressured by society, or don't have the tools or support to express themselves in healthy ways,” he said.
#13
That doesn’t mean be a pushover or never stand up for yourself. All I’m saying is, when the drunk guy at the bar stumbles into you, no need to get into a bar fight.
Don’t scream at the jerk who steals your parking spot. Pick your battles—not everything is an affront to your masculinity.
#15
The bright side is that men today are moving away from destructive behaviors, and the healthy and secure behaviors displayed in these stories are slowly becoming a norm. But can toxic masculinity be eradicated from society? Jorge believes it would be a tall ask but not impossible.
As he explained, it may be challenging to eradicate, similar to racism, where a group of people will always hold such ideologies. However, what’s important is that the greater majority takes a stand against it.
“The idea is progress, not perfection,” Jorge stated. “And so we have to keep having the conversations and understand that changing hearts and minds takes time.”
#17
#18
#19
#20
God do I not miss being a teenager. All of these are basically the opposite of a guy I knew. From what I hear from mutual friends, he hasn't changed much.