A difficult relationship with a mother-in-law can become more than just a personality clash. Repeated snide remarks, public disrespect, and attempts to undermine can make family gatherings exhausting for the person dealing with it.
A woman had to endure her toxic MIL’s personality for years, brushing it off as something she just needed to handle from time to time. However, their relationship soured during her son’s wedding, when spite-driven disrespect reached a boiling point.
Worse, her husband sided against her and refused to call out his mother’s antics. She now wants to cut off all of her in-laws, creating more problems in their marriage.
Difficult mother-in-law relationships can be emotionally draining
A woman shared her struggles dealing with her overbearing MIL, whom she’d been tolerating for years
After a big fight with her husband one night, the woman says the relationship with her MIL began to sour
Trouble began when her MIL acted rude during her son’s wedding
But the last straw for the author was when her MIL also disrespected her mother
After her husband refused to side with her, she began thinking about going no-contact with all her in-laws
Failing to prioritize a spouse’s emotional safety during family conflicts can lead to bigger problems
It’s bad enough that the author had to tolerate her mother-in-law’s behavior for years. But perhaps what made her situation more unbearable was her husband siding against her and refusing to call out his mother’s actions.
She likely felt alone in dealing with the problem, but experts say this can only cause bigger problems in the long run.
"At the end of the day, family is important, but you're going to be spending day in, day out with your partner,” psychologist and couples counselor Aanushka Panwala tells ABC Australia. “And what your partner thinks about their family, what their stand is, is more important."
The author’s desire to cut contact with her husband’s side of the family likely came from frustration and a sense of hopelessness that she and her mother-in-law could fix things. And she is entitled to do so, for the sake of her mental health.
“Certainly there are those moments in time where you have to just say — this isn't working for me,” she said.
Couples must carefully deliberate their decision if estrangement from a toxic parent-in-law would be their option
While going no-contact with her in-laws may benefit the author, it may ruin the entire dynamic. Their sons’ relationship with their father’s side of the family likely suffers badly.
Its effects are long-lasting, which is why Panwala says both partners should be completely on board.
"It cannot be one-sided where one partner says 'You cannot see them', where the other person's feelings are not taken into consideration, because that will blow up for sure. Later down the line, with kids and grandkids, it will be very messy.”
Before deciding on no contact, the couple may need to sit down and talk things out first. In their situation, they may even need professional help.
Most commenters sided with the author, with some advising her to rethink her marriage
The woman shared an update, revealing a trend within her in-laws’ side of the family
She also patched things up with her husband and shared the compromise they made regarding the MIL situation
