When you hear the term "nice guy", what comes to your mind? If you imagined a gentle and thoughtful fellow always ready to lend a helping hand, consider yourself lucky. You see, it means something else in the dating culture — men who act all chivalrous in public but change for the worse behind closed doors.
These insecure men believe they are entitled to romantic relationships and deserve to be rewarded with physical affection because of their allegedly kind personalities. Well, women who encountered them while navigating the dating maze say otherwise.
Redditor targetgoldengoose raised a question to fellow members of Ask Reddit: "Has anyone ever given a 'nice guy' a chance after they've thrown a tantrum because you didn't let them treat you like a queen?" Below, we selected some of the best answers, but be warned — some of them might make your blood boil. Continue scrolling and be sure to share your thoughts in the comments below!
#21
I've had this situation too. Dated a guy for a few mths. From the beginning though, he was just embarrassing. We had mutual friends, and he would spend full outings, parties, weekend trips voicing his disbelief that I would date him. Telling people how lucky he was in a self deprecating way that was gross, that he has "won the lotto" and I was "out of his league", no matter how many times I asked him to quit it as he did it every single time we were in public.
It got so bad that his best friend actually snapped and told him in the middle of a self deprecating rant how embarrassing it was and to look at how uncomfortable he was making me. That started a huge argument about "but she's a queen, I'm just treating her like one!". When I had the audacity to agree with his best friend, full cry melt down. In front of everyone. To the point where people left a paid wknd early because he made everyone so f***ing uncomfortable. Broke up with him that wknd, the break up lasted for hours with me begging him to gtfo of my house while he cried and cried and cried about how he treats me so well, how could I do this to him. Then it turned to rage. Had to block him on everything when I started dating someone months later, a lot of friends blocked him as well when they found out he was stalking me (parking outside my home for hours, etc).
I was naive. And dumb. Looking back, I wish I had been aware enough to recognize emotional manipulation. If you're dating someone and they act like you're doing them a favour, don't date that person.
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74points
"Men need to correct other men," she added. "Also, the amount of mental illness that is not being treated is an epidemic. Then you need to throw in the fact that a lot of these 'nice guys' are coming from broken families, they have unrealistic ideas on how a woman would magically make all their problems disappear."
When asked why do these men say they’re "nice" when they’re anything but, the author said it’s because a lot of them think that being kind is enough to keep a girl. "That's just the basic package a person can have in their personality," she continued. "It is a manipulation tactic, 'I did this nice thing for you so therefore you need to have sex with me.'"
#22
You guys should know that gay men do this too.
I was talking to a guy several years back and on paper he seemed fine. We had conversations here and there and after a few weeks he wanted to meet. We’d planned on meeting halfway and getting to know each other in person.
A few days before we were to meet I messaged him saying I was a little nervous and I wanted to message a bit more first. Then he blew up with the stereotypical tantrum. You know how it goes.
“No, we aren’t waiting you ARE going to meet up with me. How dare you string me along. I’m a catch you’ll never do better than me I could have given you everything” blah blah blah. Big yikes.
I didn’t even respond, I just blocked him and moved on. Bullet dodged.
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68points
#23
I have given 'nice guys' a chance and not a single one of them treated me like a queen. They might pay for dinner, but then they badger for sex afterwards because it's a debt owed. One of them bought me gifts, but all the gifts were cruel and insulting. Things like dieting books (I was 5'7" and 125 lbs, not that it should matter but it shows you the particular lengths).
The man I married didn't fit the 'nice guy' mold. He was just a sweet, weird guy. He did genuinely kind things like tip well and walk me to the bus. He'd ask before a kiss. He'd talk to me about how he felt and ask about how I felt.
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67points
#24
Yes. 2 months later he forced me into his car, sped insanely fast with metal music blaring to a very rural area, pulled into a field, raped me, then paced back and forth for awhile. Im guessing he was wondering if he should kill me or not. I told him what a great drive i had and suggested we get donuts. I wrote help and his name plate number on a paper towel and stuck it on the mirror. I still have a hard time comprehending everything about that night. Just say no if someone feels off. You don't owe anyone something because they pitch a hissy.
I just fb stalked. It appears he had sex with a girl from his work. The condom 'failed' the first time they had sex. She married him, had 2 more kids back to back. Then went to single and started posting a bunch of dv survivor posts. It also appears her mental age is much younger than her physical one. I was certain he was trying to get me pregnant. I thought i was being weird. But i guess my instinct was right. Poor girl
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60points
According to targetgoldengoose, if someone says that they are a "nice guy", they fall into three categories. First, "you might be a good person but you lack the social skills to ask a woman out and not act weird because you are nervous." Then, "you think that just being nice is going to get you into a woman's sex life. And the final one is you … are pretending to be nice but you are a complete narcissist and you are acting this way because you think this is what women want."
#25
I had an experience with a ‘nice girl.’ Red flags everywhere, but I have it a shot. Extremely bad situation. It began with her moving into my place without asking within the first 2 weeks, thinking it would be a ‘surprise that I would/should love.’ She didn’t work, but expected me to make all the money AND also do every single chore since it was “my apartment.” It was only “our apartment” when she wanted to decorate something her way or change my stuff around. She had tantrums about everything possible, and if nothing was wrong she’d make something up to lose her mind about.
She also hit me with the “why don’t more guys just want someone who will love them unconditionally?” The irony of that escaped her. Men should want crazy girls because they’re crazy because they love you.
Yeah, f**k that.
She did do this thing where I would come home from work and she would be naked except for an apron thinking that was a ‘classic man fantasy’ and expected the world for doing it. It was great until I quickly realized it was for leverage. She expected the world of me while claiming to be the greatest woman on earth despite not ever showing the least bit of ACTUAL respect.
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60points
#26
Met a guy online and he seemed really nice. He was a tad pushy about meeting up but I ignored that little feeling. We met up shortly after for a quick date (I think we got coffee) and chatted. It was instant chemistry, he had 2 sons and i have 2 kids, both open to blended families, goal oriented, smart, easy conversation. We decided to go out again the next night, really nice date and he was a complete gentleman. He mentioned on the date we'd have to get the kids together to see if they like each other. I laughed it off, like "yeah maybe down the road, we just met" and continued the date. Two days later, during our texting I casually mentioned I was going to take my kids on a nature walk and I'd text him when I was back. He shows up with his kids. Now, I dont have it in me to be mean to children so I played nice and introduced myself (they were around 5 and 7, and very sweet boys) but inside I was creeped the f**k out. After we parted ways I called him and told him that was not cool AT ALL. Of course, he played victim and hurt until i said i was uncomfortable with what he did.. then it was "I'm just trying to love you and your kids", "how can we be together if they dont meet" and "you should appreciate a man trying with a woman with 2 kids"... as if he didnt have 2 his damn self. He sent angry messages for about a week, I never would respond and he went away.
To clarify, this all happened in a 2 week span. From start to finish.
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59points
#27
Pro tip: If he (or she) throws a tantrum, they are not a nice guy/girl/person. They are a manipulative jackass that needs to be avoided or blocked. You all deserve better than that.
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57points
#28
I dated one for 2 years. He seemed nice and was happy when I first started dating him cause girls "didn't give him a chance due to his looks'. (He was super nerdy, I was 16 and he was 19.) He was very needy and always demanded we do what he wanted. I missed out on a lot of things, including missing out going to see Phantom of the Opera with his mom, because he didn't want to go and would get sick at the last minute.
When I lost my virginity to him, he said I basically raped him because he didn't realize he wasn't ready for something like that till after we had sex. About a year and a half into our relationship he got religious. So then, whenever we had sex, he would want is to pray for forgiveness afterwards. But if I refused sex, I was a cold b**ch.
I actually left him for a female partner, (I am bi) and that's when I realized that it was a super unhealthy relationship.
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56points
The author also provided a few pieces of advice on dealing with such people: "The grey rock method, don't give them anything to use against you, don't give them any personal information, 'no' is a complete sentence."
"It's so hard to be safe nowadays. More and more women are getting hurt just for turning down someone. I'd say if it's online, block them as soon as you can. Don't entertain men that act like this. Don't try to explain yourself or don't try to find a reason why they are acting the way they are. It's not your place to try to understand why they are being creepy. Just shut it down. Period," she concluded.
#29
Yes. It worked out that he also felt entitled to other things and felt like “no” wasn’t an acceptable answer for things like sex when he “did so much for me.”
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54points
#30
In college. Was besties with a dude who lived on my floor freshman year. He was into me, I didn’t really feel the same way. Then he basically bullied me into dating him by throwing a tantrum saying I was a bad person to not give him a chance. He ended up being the most controlling and manipulative bf I’ve ever had. Managed to get out of it but wasted a year and a half of my best years on that s**t head
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51points
