30 Mothers Who Regret Giving Birth Share Why

To learn more about the challenges women face after giving birth, we contacted writer, director, broadcaster, and founder of the award-winning parenting blog Honest Mum, Vicki Broadbent.

"Often it's a hormonal pull: a broodiness that overrides logic in some cases," author of Mumboss (UK) and The Working Mom (the US and Canada), told Bored Panda. "The desire to procreate feels natural for many. We look at screaming babies and kid ourselves (pun intended) that our own future children won't behave like that. The future of the human race depends on this foolishness. I've always personally felt maternal, even as a child, enjoying caring and teaching others, and I desperately wanted to become a mother. It was a life goal for me and I feel lucky to have achieved it."

However, it was only after Broadbent had her own children that she fully understood "how short the short straw is for mothers in the workplace and society as a whole; how high childcare costs are and how deeply careers can be impacted by having babies."

Broadbent, who had her third child a few months ago, was unaware that mothers were not highly respected and how hard it can be to parent day and night.

"Work culture and policy needs to change to support parents more. The cost of house prices and living costs are directly affecting birth rates," she said.

It might seem odd but in 2018, the real estate company Zillow publish a report, saying birth rates were dropping most in US counties with the fastest-appreciating home values.

"Additionally, children were historically brought up in a village community, close to family and friends who could support the new mother and baby. That village concept has disintegrated. Mothers were never meant to raise a child alone or with little support," Broadbent added. "Add a pandemic on top and parenting is certainly not for the faint-hearted."

Research on the subject remains scarce but we have some data to give us a broader picture. In a 2013 survey conducted by Gallup, Americans above the age of 45 who had children were asked how many they would like to have had if they could do it once again. One of the possible answers was ‘0’, which turned out to be the answer selected by 7% of respondents.

But the situation might be very different depending on where we look. A 2021 study showed that in Poland, this frequency may be as much as 13% of parents between emerging and middle adulthood, that is, one in eight.

"The reality is you can't fully plan for parenthood," Vicki Broadbent said. "So whilst you can prepare yourself somewhat by reading books and blogs, speaking to experts, and watching video content, everyone's experience will be unique to them and down to their own circumstances, just as every child is unique too."

Vicki said you simply learn on the job. "The ambivalence starts on day 1 as birth plans usually go out of the window," she explained.

"The first child is the biggest shock of all as it disrupts your usual way of life and suddenly, you have the weighty responsibility of caring from someone other than yourself. Their needs now come first. Yes, motherhood can be a life-affirming, joyful love-fest where you see the world anew through your child's eyes but it can also be unrelenting, mentally and physically challenging, and exhausting, too. It's a marathon most days when babies are small but you soon find your way." Luckily for Vicki, motherhood is her greatest success of all.

Broadbent thinks women can lay the foundation for their parenting journey by prioritizing their wellbeing — both mental and physical — prior to conception and during pregnancy by taking vitamins, seeking medical advice where needed, being responsive to any changes that require attention, and eating well and exercising.

"Once baby arrives, it's critical to accept any help offered from those you trust and equally reach out for help too," the mom highlighted. "Practically, add pre-cooked meals in the freezer, test and buy items for baby in advance (getting the car seat fitted, testing the pram, etc). Finding just a few minutes of mindfulness using apps like Insight Timer can make a huge difference to your day, especially as you'll be sleep-deprived and hormonal."

"Deep breathing can help alleviate anxiety and will keep you calm when life feels overwhelming," she said. "Curate your social media feeds too and stick with those sharing the realities of motherhood: the good with the bad as I do (at instagram.com/honestmum) so you don't feel pressured to live up to some fake ideal of motherhood. Ditto when it comes to body image, unfollow anyone who might make you feel bad about yourself. My doctor recently told me that after birth, you need piecing back together. This resonated. With a 3-month-old, 9 and 12 year old, I often feel divided into thirds. Luckily my love and theirs have multiplied."

But whatever your situation is, the most important thing is that we’re talking and sharing our experiences.