Mutual respect and good communication are the foundation of any solid relationship. Without them, you can’t exactly consider yourselves to be equal partners. It’s also essential that couples are on the same page when it comes to the big questions like family and finances.
Reddit user u/EfficientGazelle4739 asked the internet for advice after spilling the tea about the argument he and his girlfriend, who has kids from a previous relationship, got into. He shared how he was pressured to suddenly become the sole breadwinner. You’ll find the full story below.
Bored Panda wanted to find out how couples can find the balance between work and parenting, and what to keep in mind if they feel like they can't do both, so we reached out to parenting blogger Samantha Scroggin, the host of ‘Walking Outside in Slippers.' She kindly shed some light on the issue and explained the importance of open and honest communication. Scroll down for her insights!
Being the sole breadwinner in the family can be a lot of pressure
Image credits: Jep Gambardella (not the actual photo)
One guy shared how his girlfriend decided to become a stay-at-home mom, leaving him responsible for the finances
Image credits: EfficientGazelle4739
The man was honest that he didn't want to suddenly shoulder the massive extra burden
The author of the post wrote how he stood his ground and explained why it’s unfair that his partner suddenly wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. The issue is that his girlfriend has always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom for her two kids.
At the moment, she is financially stable and able to take care of them both. However, if the OP would agree to her plan, then he’d be the only one providing for the three of them. “Obviously, I knew I’d be somewhat financially responsible, I just don’t want 100% of the burden to be on me,” he explained to the r/AITAH online community.
“She has a job and I thought we’d pay things equitably based on our salaries. I make more so I’m not even asking her to split things 50/50 but I just don’t want the entire burden to be on me. I’ll have no savings if that happens,” he was open about the fact that it's impractical for him to be the sole breadwinner in the relationship.
Most readers were very sympathetic to redditor u/EfficientGazelle4739’s situation. Many internet users thought that it was unfair of the girlfriend to suddenly demand her partner to become financially responsible for her and her children. Others noted that it seemed like the woman might have been almost entirely disregarding the OP’s opinion and feelings on the matter.
Image credits: Dane Deaner (not the actual photo)
Letting go of the 'perfect ideal' of parenting can relieve a lot of the pressure
According to Samantha, who runs the witty 'Walking Outside in Slippers' blog, communication is paramount. For one, it's important to set expectations about childcare matters early in a relationship. That way, there are fewer surprises down the line.
"Ideally, this is a conversation that is had before you even have children. But with that not always being possible, I think it's important to listen to each other and do your best to meet the other person's needs while also providing for your children," she shared her thoughts with Bored Panda.
"Fewer people now than in the past are able to live off of one income. However, maybe there is flexibility in working from home. Communication is key when it comes to deciding these childcare and work issues," Samantha said.
In the meantime, Bored Panda wanted to find out what advice the blogger would give couples who feel that they can't focus on both work and parenting.
Samantha opened up to us that what has been helpful for her is letting go of the 'perfect ideal' of parenting. "The reality is, most of us are juggling work and home life imperfectly, and doing the best we can," she told us.
"I try to focus on enjoying the little moments with my kids and not being such a stressball. The house is going to be messy. The meals are not all going to be home-cooked. We are going to be running between activities like chickens with our heads cut off. But that's life as a parent," the host of ‘Walking Outside in Slippers' shared.
"I actually enjoy working outside of the home, because it fulfills my desire to be creative and productive away from the house. It also gives me a much-needed break from my kids," she noted that balance, in all aspects of life, is important.
Image credits: Alex Green (not the actual photo)
Couples need to get on the same page when it comes to work, expenses, and savings
In any happy and healthy long-term relationship, there needs to be a balance of effort. And a lot depends on each family: there are no easy solutions for every scenario. Some families might decide that both parents will go back to work. In other families, one parent might be the main breadwinner while the other works part-time.
And yes, in some cases, it can make a lot of sense for there to be a sole breadwinner while the other parent raises the kids. But it all depends on the financial situation and how both partners feel about their role.
If one partner finds themselves constantly shouldering the lion’s share of the financial or housework burden without having consented to it, then something’s deeply wrong. This is bound to lead to lots of resentment and frustration that slowly fester over the coming months and years.
It is absolutely necessary for couples to have those tough and sometimes awkward chats about the practical stuff in life, like saving habits, expenses, who washes the dishes, who takes care of the kids, and how to divide up the free time after an exhausting day at work/home.
Image credits: Vlada Karpovich (not the actual photo)
There's no real alternative to open communication and active listening
It’s really important that both partners hear what the other has to say. Actively listening, instead of just waiting to say something, is a wonderful skill to have in general. It’s best not to blame each other for ‘always’ doing this or that. Instead, try to focus on the issue at hand. If you want to decide what the working arrangements are going to be like when you move in together, stick to that topic, instead of bringing up problems from the past.
At the end of the day, your goal is to find a compromise that works for both of you. That might mean both parents continuing to stay at their jobs as before. Or it might make sense for one of them to reduce the number of hours they work or to find employment that offers greater flexibility, so they can spend more time with their children.
The key here is to ensure that both partners are fine with this sort of arrangement and that they’re not just saying ‘that’s fine’ because they dislike any sort of conflict. Healthy relationships need that honesty to thrive.
Most internet users were shocked by the woman's suggestion. Here's what they had to say about the author's situation
