Healthy bodies come in a variety of shapes and sizes, and love isn’t measured by your weight or body index.
But when couples start judging each other’s bodies, one of the main sparks in a relationship — attraction — starts to fade away.
Of course, health concerns are a separate thing, but pushing someone to work out just because you want them to look a certain way is all kinds of wrong.
A woman started pressuring her boyfriend, a former swimmer, to get back in shape because she wanted to “show him off.” But when the man expected her to do the same, she got visibly upset.
The irony of the situation made him turn to netizens for some much-needed advice.
The former swimmer said he wasn't training for looks, but for speed
Image credits: david hou (not the actual photo)
But his girlfriend wanted him to get back in shape so she could "show him off"
Image credits: Sony Pictures Television (not the actual photo)
Image source: Distinct-March2456
Unsolicited comments about weight and fitness hit harder when they come from someone you love
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
If your partner criticizes you for not having visible abs or a specific body fat percentage, your confidence and self-esteem can quickly take a hit.
Studies have found that compliments from a partner, even about appearance, can make you feel more accepted and secure in a relationship. But negative comments can make you uncomfortable with your own body and at the same time, make you feel less connected to your partner.
The woman here was clearly focused on her boyfriend's appearance more than his overall health. On the other hand, the man asked her to lose weight saying she lacked strength and stamina.
Bored Panda reached out to Elena Christie, accredited practicing dietitian, to know if it’s ever okay to ask your partner to lose weight or get fit, and she believes it depends on the situation.
“For example, if you want your partner to get fit or lose weight for aesthetic reasons, then no. If you are concerned that their weight/fitness level is affecting their health, it is best to have an open discussion with your partner first, and respect that they can make decisions for their own health,” she says.
She says unsolicited comments about a person's body always have the potential to affect their self-esteem and body image. “When these comments come from a loved one, they often affect us more than those from a stranger. Negative comments about a partner's body can impact their feeling of acceptance and safety within the relationship.”
Experts say it is healthier to focus on mental wellbeing and body functionality rather than running after some superficial beauty ideals.
A study done in the US revealed that about 50% of women and more than 25% of men said they were not satisfied with their bodies.
Negative self-image influences everything from eating habits, wardrobe choices to social engagement — it can also make you avoid going outside or meeting people, in turn affecting your relationships.
How to handle body shaming in a relationship
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
Openly communicate with your partner and make them realize how their words affect your physical and mental health — because sometimes, people don’t understand the impact of their words.
“It is important to communicate that body-related criticism is not acceptable, and to clearly express the impact of the criticism on us. Secondly, having an open and respectful discussion could help a couple set healthy boundaries and work on strategies to support each other,” says Zhang.
You should also work on your own confidence by engaging in activities that make you feel good — such as taking up new hobbies and socializing with friends.
If nothing else works, and you still want to continue the relationship, try going for therapy to work on any body image issues that you might have — even couple’s counselling is an option if you want to sort the issues together.
“Couples can work together to clarify the purpose of getting fit — it is also very helpful for the couple to speak to a health and fitness professional who is skilled in supporting positive body image and mental health,” adds Zhang.
It’s good to keep reminding yourself that your worth isn’t tied to how you look, and that you are much more than that. While we may all know this, we rarely practice it.
Several readers reacted with anger towards the woman, but her boyfriend said there's more to the story
Many people felt that she crossed a line and was being hypocritical in her demands
