To say that relationships are complicated is an understatement. Yes, there are plenty of nice things in a relationship – spending time together and having someone who loves you unconditionally, cares for you and that you know will always be there in times of need. However, they usually require quite a lot of work, compromises, accepting some hard truths and making complicated decisions.
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For example, one Reddit user recently shared his story online after deciding to break up with his girlfriend as he found out she had a one-night stand with his coworker while making him wait longer until they were officially dating.
More info: Reddit
Finding out your partner has slept with your friend may rock a relationship
Image credits: Helena Lopes (not the actual photo)
Man shares that he recently changed jobs and became friends with one guy, invited him over and he immediately recognized his girlfriend
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
After he left, the man found out that his girlfriend had a one-night stand with the other guy while dating him
Image credits: Alex Green (not the actual photo)
He noted that she had explained that their relationship was going to be special and she wanted to wait
Imagine credits: u/SeverePhoto1892
He then shared that he decided to break up with her as the whole situation made him feel not attractive to her
A few days ago, one Reddit user shared a story online asking community members online if he was wrong for breaking up with his girlfriend because she slept with another guy while making him wait, telling him that it was because he’s special. The post caught quite a lot of attention and got over 9.2K upvotes and almost 5K comments.
The original poster (OP) starts his story by sharing that he has been together with his girlfriend for about half a year, but noted that she made him wait before sleeping with him, stating that their relationship was going to be special. However, after inviting his coworker to his place and noticing that he immediately recognized OP’s girlfriend, they got to talking.
So, as it turned out, his girlfriend had a one-night stand with his coworker while dating him. He later added that in his opinion, this doesn’t count as cheating, as it happened when they weren’t official. However, he added that it made him feel not attractive despite his girlfriend’s statements that he was special and she wanted more with him, so the whole situation led to a breakup.
Community members backed up the author and assured him that he was not being a jerk and his feelings matter. “The logic just doesn't logic to me,” one user wrote. “Honestly I totally understand you, the best thing you did was break up with her I mean, if that's what she does to people she says are special then she's on another level of being disrespectful,” another added.
Image credits: Alena Darme (not the actual photo)
“The stereotype about one night stands is that it’s convenient sex with no strings. That’s the whole point of it,” shared Claudia Six, PhD, who is a clinical sexologist, relationship coach, author, TEDx speaker and professor, with Bored Panda. “The impact on a relationship is mostly on the partner who feels betrayed, understandably,” she added.
Dr. Six also noted that from the woman’s perspective, she understands that it was a quick lay while she wanted a deeper relationship to blossom with her new beau and maybe didn’t want to dilute the specialness of intimacy with him by engaging in it too soon, before feelings had developed. “Kinda like having a snack to hold you over before a big special dinner,” she emphasized.
“On the other hand, if she felt the new guy was so special, she could have demonstrated that by sucking it up rather than having the one-night stand. But I do get her point,” Dr. Six shared. “And the one-night stand guy is a schmuck for telling the boyfriend. He should have been cool about it and kept it on the down low between him and the woman he had slept with. What a tattletale.”
Speaking about the psychological effects on individuals who find out their partner has had a one-night stand, Dr. Six pointed out that the predominant feeling would be one of betrayal, but insecurity or a sense of inadequacy is possible too if one is inclined oneself unfavorably with previous lovers. However, she noted that in her opinion, the bigger issue is perceived betrayal. “Whether it’s insecurity about performance, or betrayal, these triggers can be addressed with a sex therapist.”
And finally, Dr. Six emphasized that if individuals feel insecurity and self-doubt after learning about their partner's one-night stand, it can be an opportunity for growth. “They can take themselves on and handle their triggers which create distance in the relationship. If you identify behavior or reactions in yourself that create distance, it behooves you to address them, in order to increase connection with your partner.”
She also pointed out that it’s easier to make the other person wrong and blame them for ‘making us feel’ a certain way, but that is not an empowered stance nor is it being responsible/response-able. “You can learn to be accountable for your emotional buttons and reactions, by talking with a sex therapist who is trained in psychotherapy,” she emphasized.
So, guys, don’t forget to check out Dr. Claudia Six’s website! But what are your thoughts about this story? Who, in your opinion, is in the wrong here? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Community members backed up the man and assured him that he did the right thing
