Whether you love or loathe pranks, you can probably agree that there have to be some limits. There are some things that simply should not be joked about. And one of them is most definitely marriage.
Redditor u/snoodaz45 shared a heartbreaking story on r/TrueOffMyChest about how her (now ex) boyfriend pretended to propose to her. Then, after getting dumped, he and his family continued to harass her. Read on for the story, as well as the dramatic update.
Bored Panda got in touch with the team at Relate, the largest provider of relationship support in England and Wales, helping millions strengthen their relationships. Ammanda Major, the Head of Service Quality and Clinical Practice at Relate, shed some light on the types of emotions someone can experience after a break-up and what can help someone move on.
Happy and healthy couples will support and respect each other. If that respect goes out the window, things can fall apart
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
A woman shared how her long-term boyfriend broke her heart after faking a proposal
Image credits: snoodaz45
If you're the only one laughing after your prank, then you've pretty much failed as a comedian
It’s clear that the redditor’s ex-boyfriend completely crossed the line. He was so far across the line he couldn’t even see it. Though the OP notes that both she and her ex enjoy pranking each other from time to time, this time, it was a very mean-spirited joke.
After the fancy day at the spa and wining and dining the OP, ‘Andrew’ pulled out a ring box and had a beautiful speech prepared. Inside the box, however, was a note saying that all of this was just a joke. The guy tried to defend himself that he wasn’t ready for marriage yet after 5 long years together.
Insulted, embarrassed, and heartbroken, u/snoodaz45 dumped Andrew on the spot. However, things were a little bit complicated, as they had bought a house together and were planning on moving in. Now, they have to sell it. In the meantime, the OP is looking for an apartment to move into ASAP. All the while, her ex’s family keep harassing her about her decision to break up.
On the whole, where the line is in terms of pranks will partly depend on your audience. If someone is a big fan of them, you have a bit more leeway. Meanwhile, someone who you know hates pranks shouldn’t be forced to endure them. It’s mean. It’s shortsighted. It’s going to backfire.
In both cases, however, there are very clear, common-sense things that you should avoid making jokes about. Including fake proposals, fake breakups, fake moves abroad, kidding about you or your loved ones falling gravely ill or getting into accidents, etc.
When in doubt, put yourself in the other person’s shoes and try to see the situation from their perspective. Think about the topics that your significant other (or anyone else you’re thinking of pranking!) is sensitive about. If you know the person well, then you most likely know what you shouldn’t kid about.
Image credits: Pressmaster (not the actual photo)
If you're struggling to move forward after a breakup, consider seeing a therapist
"When you’ve been with somebody for years, it can feel really hard to make that leap and end the relationship, even if you know deep down it’s for the best. You may feel like you’ve invested a lot of time into the relationship and you may still have strong feelings for this person. If you’re the person doing the breaking up, it is still a loss and this can bring up feelings of sadness," Marjor, the Head of Service Quality and Clinical Practice at Relate, told Bored Panda.
"Depending on the circumstances you may also feel angry. You may find yourself questioning your decision and looking back on the relationship with rose-tinted glasses but try to remember in these moments that you ended the relationship for a reason. This can also be a time of great excitement as you embrace a fresh start. In time you may experience feelings of acceptance and contentment as you build a new life," she explained to us via email.
According to Major, a breakup doesn't necessarily mean that a relationship has failed. "It can be helpful to reflect on what you have learned from the experience and acknowledge the good times you shared together. Much like friendships, some romantic relationships don’t last forever and that’s ok."
She also highlighted the fact that everyone is different, in terms of how long it takes someone to move on after a break-up. "The circumstances of the break-up, how long you have been together and your approach to self-care are all likely to play a part in how long you take to move on. You may have good days and bad days. You may think you are over it and then something will remind you of your ex one day and you may feel triggered and become upset. That’s all completely normal," Major said.
"Do consider speaking to a therapist if you’re struggling to move forward with your life or even if you’d just like some support to process the breakup, understand how you may want to approach relationships in the future, and make some other positive changes in your life." Meanwhile, anyone looking to make informed decisions about their next steps in life may want to take a look at Relate's 'fresh start package' which can be found on their website, here.
Image credits: Cody Black (not the actual photo)
Couples have to be on the same page when it comes to important questions like marriage and having kids
Your and your prank ‘victim’s’ senses of humor might be very different. If they’re more on the mellow and wholesome side, you shouldn’t force them to like the niche type of dark humor that you personally enjoy. At the end of the day, if you’re the only one laughing your butt off, it’s an awful prank, and you’ve messed up as a comedian. You need to ask yourself why you’re pranking someone. Because if it’s to make them laugh, there are other, less radical ways to do so.
Five years is a very long time to be together. It’s vital that couples in long-term relationships are on the same page when it comes to the most important questions like family, finances, work, and interests. If one partner wants to move to the suburbs, get married, and have kids, but the other one doesn’t, disaster is waiting to strike.
Similarly, the relationship might fall apart if one person has a very passive lifestyle and spends more than they bring in, while the other is more active and thrifty. Those conversations about shared values and goals need to happen, even if they’re sometimes uncomfortable.
Marriage is the next logical step for couples who are fully committed to and respect one another, and genuinely love and are attracted to each other. Of course, nobody’s forcing anyone to get married, but many couples do make their relationships official this way.
You can tell that you’re ready for marriage when you honestly search your feelings for your significant other. If you don’t even want to consider the thought of being with someone else, then you’re ready to commit. Of course, it’s natural to be slightly nervous about taking the next step. But if you’ve been actively avoiding conversations about marriage, then there’s something definitely off.
The author of the post added some more details in the comments
Many readers were horrified by the ex-boyfriend's behavior. Here's what they said
The woman shared an important update about what happened next
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: snoodaz45