Adults often forgive kids for their behavior because they are young and don’t know better. This is definitely true, but it is important to react, because how will they know better if we don’t point out what they’re doing wrong?
Emotional intelligence is key to raising successful people and it seems that this girl is on the right path as she communicated to a boy who annoyed her that she doesn’t want to have contact with him by setting clear boundaries.
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Girl in 5th grade was not interested in a boy who kept showing her attention, so she wrote a list of rules to keep him away
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Many people struggle with setting boundaries and the thought of it causes stress or anxiety, but at the same time, when others cross those boundaries, they feel the same way. Dr. Erin Eatough, an occupational health psychologist, says that the most common reason for struggles to set a boundary is that people don’t know how to do it or are unsure about what is reasonable.
It seems that this 5th grader doesn’t have this problem, because when she became annoyed by a boy showing her unwanted attention, she wrote 7 rules and regulations for him to follow and expressed her irritation openly.
A while ago, a woman shared a letter her friend who works as a teacher was shown by a student
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The list was posted by Cydni Jenkins, whose friend is a 5th grade teacher and sent it to her. It went viral in 2016 both on Twitter and in the media as the whole concept was unexpected, let alone the rules and how clearly the girl could express her emotions. The topic is still relevant 7 years later and the letter is as surprising today as it was then.
The letter is titled Rules + Regulations and is addressed to Noah from Zoë. They are both in 5th grade, but in separate classes, as the Twitter user told BuzzFeed after the teacher got her hands on it when the boy gave it to her.
The letter was written by a girl and addressed to a boy who liked her and kept trying to spend time with her
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From what we can gather, Noah likes Zoë, as she mentions in the 7th rule, and keeps showing her attention, touching her and playing with her, which she finds annoying. When Noah gave the letter to his teacher, he told her that she liked Zoë because he admired how smart she was.
But the girl didn’t feel the same way about Noah and explained in her letter that she has a short temper with people and Noah keeps ruining her day by playing with her. If her day is ruined one more time, she says, she will have to go to counseling, so that is why she is asking Noah to stop interacting with her. She won’t even accept a greeting.
The letter specified the behavior the girl didn't appreciate and was quite direct
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As for consequences for Noah if he breaks any of the rules, he would have to face the adults because Zoë would simply report him. To make sure she gets her point across, she asks Noah to reread the rules 500 times and clearly states that she isn’t interested in him.
Although the idea of the letter is smart and shows that Zoë was taught about boundaries, people couldn’t help but notice how sassy she was and their favorite was the 3rd rule: “Do not speak to me unless it’s a greeting, which will be never” so some of them felt a bit bad for Noah.
Mostly she wanted to be left alone and didn't even want the boy to greet her
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Those commenters pointed out that the girl was being rude because they assumed the “fake mom” is her stepmom and believed she will grow up cynical and needs counseling now. Others responded to that and thought that they are saying that just because Zoë is a girl, and if a girl is anything but gentle even when rejecting someone, they are mean.
That goes back to Dr. Erin Eatough’s explanation about how people can’t set boundaries because they simply don’t know what is too much to ask for. Is a girl asking a boy not to greet her too much, or is she simply looking after her mental health because she’s on the edge after tolerating his behavior for so long?
Twitter users were quite impressed by how eloquent the girl was and how she didn't leave any room for misinterpretation
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Fresh Hope Counseling admits that “Putting boundaries in place can feel like you are being rude” and it may feel like you’re doing something wrong when you've just started. They explain that it’s just because this is something new that you are not used to, but in nature, their purpose is not to offend someone.
What could make you feel bad about it is also other people’s reactions, because you might face resistance and you might be called selfish. But if you compare boundaries to a fence around your home to prevent a neighbor from walking their dog on your lawn, you wouldn’t call it selfish, but just protecting your property. And boundaries are there to protect yourself.
They also applauded her for setting boundaries and loved the strict tone in which they were delivered
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Psychotherapist Sharon Martin says it loud and clear that it’s not mean or rude to set boundaries. And the negative reaction you get to them solely depends on the other person because they don’t like that you’re not agreeing to something.
Dr. Martin adds, “remember that when others call you mean or selfish, it’s often a manipulation tactic, an attempt to get you to do what they want. Stand true to your boundaries, even if others don’t like them.”
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It may truly be hard to set boundaries even if we really don’t want to do something, even if we know we’ll hate doing it, and we know that we are creating precedent to be asked something similar in the future, but despite being aware of boundary benefits, we still freeze up at the fear of confrontation or letting someone down.
Maybe this 5th grader will inspire you to tell people what in their behavior makes you uncomfortable or leads you to realize that you need to stop talking to someone who constantly ruins your day. Let us know if this has happened to you and what are your thoughts on the rule list and the tone of the letter in general.