“I Realized I Was Gay”: 29 Men In This Online Group Who Came Out Later In Life Share What Was Their Turning Point

I was about to turn 38 and my beautiful wife of 17 amazing years was about to turn 33. She looked amazing in a red dress and in that moment I realize that I still had an opportunity to give her a life that she deserved with a man that wasn’t living a divided life. In my profile I share my coming out experience. I am 42 now and she and I are the best of friends.

About a year prior to the end of my relationship with my last girlfriend, I made a pact with myself. If my relationship with her were to end, I would give men a shot. I had known since puberty that I was attracted to men, just never acted on it. I didn’t want to reach old age having never been with a man and regret it. My husband and I have been married 2 1/2 years.

I came out at 31, one wife, one daughter, and one son later. For me, it had to do with my personal happiness and my desire to be the best parent I could be. Knowing that I couldn’t be completely happy in my current situation, I took a risk that paid off for us all —> it’s been 16 years since I came out - my kiddos are grown and successfully contributing members of society and my ex-wife is still one of my closest allies. I’m thankful it worked out well for me.

61 (M), I came out as bisexual at 44, my stepson at 11-12 came out as gay and this pushed me to be truthful. As a very confused teenager who didn’t understand the double attraction and not having anyone to compare or talk to I had kept it private for years.

Met the love of my life, I was so awestruck he loved me back it seemed dumb not to come out!

Divorce. I came out to my wife many moons ago but it took us a long time to realize that praying the gay away wasn’t working.

I don't have flair I don't know how to do it..

Anyhow I am 47

Was 13 in 1986 and there was no chance of coming out then. At that time the last thing you wanted to be was gay (at least in my mind)

It wasn't until i was 26 or 27, i Forget, that a very good friend finally asked me when I was gonna come out of the closet.

I was so freaked out I told him I didn't know what he was talking about.

Eventually, after a mental breakdown pretty much and a lot of booze and tears, I finally admitted I was gay. (this was the 90s in Orlando FL)

So my friend got me to talk to other gay guys and try and accept myself.

But I didn't accept myself... I just admitted to being gay, but I didn't accept myself.

Then I moved and got into a job that put me in a lot of small towns.

I went back in the closet big time... and did not socialize or tried not to ..

During this time I saw several co-workers get together, get married and now have kids... made me really sad

Anyhow over the past 2 years I can have been seeing a therapist and finally came out for real... to myself.

I am still struggling but now I don't put sex into "right" or "wrong" categories

And I'm learning that being gay is normal and not really a big deal. Life is brutal and terrible and lonely and horrible for a lot of people, gay straight, bi or whatever.

I'm still struggling with a lot of self hate and self esteem issues, alcoholism, weed abuse, and suicidal thoughts.

But it's getting better.

I moved to Ireland just before the referendum that legalized gay marriage. I was 32, and after i experienced that i suddenly felt it was surreal that i am still hiding myself and denying myself happiness. That was my turning point.

I'm 39, and looking back I know I've had crushes on boys since kindergarten. In my teens and twenties, I'd find myself checking guys out and then denying what I was doing. 8 years ago, I decided enough was enough, and I came out to my best friend (since high school). We are currently housemates and are closer than ever. I still haven't told everyone in my life, it's a slow process in my case. I'm dealing with the triple threat of anxiety, insomnia and depression. But I think I'll be alright.

I'm currently 39, and came out around age 27-28. I was raised in the religious "you can change" culture. I was fairly certain I wouldn't change, but I felt like I owed it to God to try, before questioning and changing the beliefs I was raised with.

After spending years doing all the manly things that were supposed to straighten me out, I had a particular weekend - a men-only whitewater rafting trip - when I realized I had achieved all the things I was aiming for that were supposed to change me, and I was still 100% gay.

Once I knew the gay wasn't going anywhere, I figured I would want to be able to be open and honest with people from then on, regardless of how the rest of my life went. I only waited that long to spare myself and my conservative friends and family the grief and heartache of my coming out, just in case I ended up changing. Now I've been married to a great guy for 8 years!

I came out to myself in October 2019 at 36. I really thought I was going to pass away in the closet. I had repressed it for so long, but my wife and I were not getting along, I wanted to start couples therapy, but she insisted it was me and that I go to therapy, and what would you know, she was right! Although she never suspected the end result. I still planned to just idk, try to figuring things out with her, but then I reconnected with my best childhood friend who came out to me as bi, and at that point I was if you can do this so can I. Told him I was bi, then the next day I told him I lied, that I was gay. That really started it all for me. Got a new therapist with a new focus and made a plan to come out to my wife. It was so hard, but also so freeing. We have 2 kids and currently going through all of the not fun parts of the divorce, but we’ve been good co-parents, and I hope that once we put this part behind us we can be some sort of “friends” someday. We don’t hate each other, but it’s just all raw and hurtful at the moment and that kind of stuff takes time. I wouldn’t change anything about my past because my kids are my world, but I am so happy that I can finally be truly happy. I thought I was happy before and sure there were moments of happiness (and I don’t mean to imply I was always unhappy), but this part of me was missing and I’m glad I found it.

I realized I was gay last year after 36 years. I kinda always knew, but I wasn't sure I guess. After seeing a gay guy I could see myself in I stated to question myself more.

I live in a small town and there is no queer representation here, but I also have almost zero sexual attraction to anyone.

So it was really hard to get to the conclusion without the help of physical interaction (doing the self discovery process during lockdown)

I told one of my friends a month later I guess and after a couple of months I told the whole world I guess.

Why not so much later in life, but I came out at 28, always knew I was gay, but didn't have the confidence or self worth to do it until I REALLY had to, by which time I had been married for over 4 years. The internet and being able to chat to other men was my way of reaching out, as I never would have gone to a gay bar.

Then in 2002 it got to the point where I REALLY need to find out, so I arranged to meet a guy and loved it, 2 weeks later I met another guy, 2 months after that I came out to myself, 2 months after that I came out to my then wife and then family and friends the following day.

I felt so free, but I couldn't "start my life" for a further 4 months as I couldn't get my own place.

Best thing I ever did. I dont think I would still be alive if I hadn't have finally come out, yes I feel bad for wasting her time. But you live and learn, luckily I never wanted kids, so I didn't have that complication.

It's not an exciting story by any means. Throughout my teens/20's I didn't pay any mind to sex/attraction; just repeated to myself I'll worry about it later.

I never really imagined myself with someone else until my 30s and when I started thinking about that stuff I noticed I was paying more attention to men than women. One talk with a gay friend later and then the pieces fell into place.

Mine was because I had this quote in my head saying “ you only live once “.

I always knew since I am was about 10ish, however due to community and family influences, I never came out while I was younger. I eventually came out at the age of 31 after my ex wife cheated on my with my best friend. We had a young son together. After the divorce, I came out to my close family and friends and started my journey of figuring out how to be gay. Found out it actually wasn’t a huge deal to my family, they were just sad that I had to hide my true self for so long because I thought they wouldn’t accept me.

I’m 35 came out few yrs ago even the when I did my family’s like I’m ok we knew since you were a kid then I’m like ok should of said something they said nope when you were ready to you will we didn’t need to tell you... when this happened the best and most freeing and the happiness of the elephants on your shoulders just up and gone was the best feeling ever in my life it was something out of this world and every since this I’m like OMG I can say it out loud I’m gay and hear myself say this and not feel one once of remorse! I hope everyone gets to feel this because it’s something when it does your life just falls into place and you could care less what someone thinks of you anymore and then you can be who you want be free from society’s upside down opinion.... sorry just got so passionate and kept on writing could of went longer... anyway bro’s hit me up I need friends haha just moved and I’m in a small country town full of faceless pics in the app lol

I came out at 30 , I never dated women or was I interested in it , I was just sick of not living my life authenticity. So that was the reason that I came out

I came out when I was 46 will be 49 in March. Married for 23 years with 3 kids. I had always known I was gay or at least bi I grew up in a Christian home and always attended church. The turn point for me was when I had surgery and had a piece of my kidney taken out. After that it was I had to live my life happy. Not saying I wasn’t happy with my family. I would do it all over again for them. My kids was old enough to know and understand when I did. Never thought I would. I always thought that I would sneak out and cheat on her. I care what people think of me and didn’t want to let anybody down. When I came out it was the biggest relief off my shoulders. I am truly happy. I meet a guy who could pass for my son and we have been together for almost 2 years. I always wanted the FWB status but after 8 months he came in my life and we haven’t looked back. It was a struggle at first with his parents but the love me because they know I love their son and I make him happy. All my kids love him as well. I could go on but I won’t.

I slowly came out to my immediate family. The last one was my dad. This was last year, so I was 32. I wanted to come out to him for a while, but I couldn't get myself to do it, so I forced my own hand. I ended up buying a pride Boston Bruins t shirt knowing that I would want to wear it to the Pride Night at the local AHL team's arena. I was very nervous about it, but I was right. My desire to wear the shirt gave me the reason to come out to him, and it ended up going far better than I could have imagined.

Then, this past October, I decided to come out to everyone else on National Coming Out Day. I made a post on Facebook, which covered most of the people I know, and I went to my grandparents' house and told them in person. It being a "secret" was weighing on me. I had debated just getting it over with before but hadn't done it. I hadn't even realized it was National Coming Out Day until I went on Facebook that night and saw a bunch of posts about it. Something just clicked, and I went for it.