It's true that most of us prefer to communicate via text nowadays. But it's also worth noting that this mode of communication results in way more misunderstandings, fights, and drama than we'd like. Examples of texting miscommunication can vary: misspelled words, undetected sarcasm, or autocorrect might land many of us in trouble with a family member, a romantic prospect, and even our grandma.
In 2024, the researchers at UCLA conducted a survey with students aged 18 to 22. Almost all of the participants agreed that it is much easier to avoid misunderstandings when talking face-to-face, as opposed to using any other medium online. They were able to read the person's body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice much better.
One common complaint from the students was that sarcasm or jokes would often go over their romantic partners' heads when texting. Truly, they weren't exchanging complicated jokes with long premises; one participant even remarked that his tone of voice would have been enough for his partner to recognize the sarcasm.
A lot of times, people are unable to resolve the miscommunications via texting. 50% of the respondents in the UCLA survey claimed they had to get their point across once they met with the person face-to-face. 40% would resolve misunderstandings by calling, and 10% said they would just leave it as it was.
It seems like texting is the perfect way to miscommunicate something you want to say and to misconstrue something another person means. It's the curse of texting and communicating on the internet in general. As social psychologist Alexander Danvers, Ph.D., explained to Bored Panda in a previous interview, having a live conversation demands more energy and skills that we don't even think about.
A lot of it is about timing. "People respond with different facial expressions, tone of voice, body posture, etc. It also doesn't stop when you're not the one talking," Danvers notes. "Conversation involves a lot of back-channeling while the other person is talking, which can really set the tone of the interaction (doing things like say 'uh-huh' when someone is explaining, or nodding in agreement at a statement)."
Danvers told Bored Panda that engaging in a Reddit thread is not as effective in making us feel less lonely as real-life conversations. Similarly, social worker and therapist Cody Harper, MSW, RSW, writes that we shouldn't use texting as an absolute substitute for communication. Aside from misunderstandings, he also draws attention to negative bias.
As humans, we're wired to almost always think the worst. I grew up with a mom who always had a mini heart attack whenever I called her, answering in the most startled voice. She always assumed that something bad had happened, either to me or someone around me; otherwise, I wouldn't be calling. I didn't understand it as a kid, but now, as an adult, I, too, get a faint feeling of worry before picking up every time a loved one calls. Even if it's just to say "Happy Birthday."
That's why Harper urges people not to tackle emotional subjects through texting. "DO NOT ever text these words: 'We need to talk.' The human mind has a negative bias, and this message will send your loved one's mind reeling. If you truly need to talk, tell your loved one in person, or not at all."
