JokesSEP 23, 2022

126 Funny Things To Say That Would Get You On A Comedy Show

Saimonas Lukošius, Neilas Šurkus and Justė Kairytė - Barkauskienė

Not all of us have been blessed with superb humor or wit as sharp as a whip. Most of us feel caught off-guard when there's a necessity to deliver a funny reconnaissance in a conversation or brighten up the mood. So much so that you might find yourself in very awkward situations, lacking not only funny things to say but things to say at all! Luckily, this pain is shared among many, and plenty of options exist to get out of such a pickle. One of them is to read this list where we've rounded up all the funny expressions. Learn them by heart and use them as a safety net if needed.

You might even use these funny sayings as conversation starters, but be sure to read the room carefully before you do. They might work the best with the people you already know, but those who don't take risks don't drink champagne. Or don't find themselves in a socially awkward situations.

So, dust off your notebook and search for a pen (one that you most likely got for being a loyal customer of your local Chinese joint) to jot down these hilarious, funny random things to say in a conversation. Give the conversion topic you liked the most your vote, and share this article with anyone you'd like!

#1

126 Funny Things To Say That Would Get You On A Comedy Show

Auto-correct should have been named more precisely as auto-assume.

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73points

#2

After Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.

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72points

#3

A cold seat in a public restroom is unpleasant. But a warm seat in a public restroom is worse.

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72points

#4

Why aren’t shorts half the price of pants?

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70points

#5

Organized people are those who are just too lazy to find their things.

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69points

What Are Some Funny Phrases to Say When You're Not Sure How to Respond?

Conversing for those less fortunate in the social world might be hard. It's times like these when funny phrases or silly quotes come into play. Also, nothing will ever beat a batch of funny work quotes if you're at the office.

But there are also occasions when any of the funny sayings will work. So, if you're stuck in a void of awkward silence, try out some trivia questions or spit out a random fact to get the conversation back on track.

#6

I clean my house almost every day. I almost cleaned on Monday, almost cleaned it on Tuesday, almost cleaned it on Wednesday…

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67points

#7

I know they say that money talks, but all mine says is ‘Goodbye.’

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65points

#8

Time is the best teacher of all. Too bad it kills all its students.

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62points

#9

LOL has gone from meaning "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say."

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61points

#10

Sure, alcohol doesn’t solve any problems. But then again, neither does milk.

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60points

#11

I don’t suffer from insanity—I enjoy every minute of it.

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59points

#12

If you’re the kind of person that has no good luck, when you see the light at the end of the tunnel… run, because the train is coming.

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59points

#13

Don't worry if plan A fails. There are 25 more letters in the alphabet!

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57points

#14

The rotation of Earth really makes my day.

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55points

#15

A birth certificate could easily be called a baby receipt.

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55points

What Are Some Funny Expressions to Say After Answering the Phone?

Answering our phones is something we do regularly without giving it much thought; however, you can spice up even that. Get some hilarious quotes out, which are more than welcome to include references to anime TV series, Marvel action movies, etc. You can also use these neutral, funny phrases when answering the phone:

"Go ahead, caller, you're on the air!"
"Bob's crematorium, you kill 'em, we grill 'em."
"This is me, is this you?"
"Goodbye."
"Hippity Hoppity, what's Poppity?"
"Is it done?"

Of course, don't go answering phones in your office with a "moshi moshi"; that probably wouldn't get you an "employee of the month" award. But to your friends and family, it would be an excellent start to a conversation.

#16

9 out of 10 voices in my head tell me I’m crazy. The tenth is just playing drums.

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51points

#17

My head is very slowly 3D printing my hair.

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51points

#18

If you put one lasagna on top of another one, you still have just one lasagna.

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51points

#19

There is too much emphasis on the early bird's good luck and not enough on the early worm's bad luck.

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46points

#20

If you think no one cares whether you're alive or dead, just skip a handful of credit card payments.

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46points