Tantrums usually happen when kids are tired, hungry, or uncomfortable. The little ones can have a meltdown because they can't have something they want (like a toy or candy) or can't get someone to do what they want (like getting a parent to pay attention to them immediately or getting a sibling to give up the tablet).
They're equally common in boys and girls and generally peak during the second year of life, when language skills are actively developing.
Because toddlers can't always express what they want or need, and because words describing feelings are more complicated, a frustrating experience results in a tantrum. But as language skills improve, they tend to decrease.
Vicki Broadbent, a writer, director, and broadcaster who's running the parenting blog Honest Mum, said temper tantrums, whether the kid is 2 or 13 years old, can feel triggering for parents.
"We feel it's our job to protect our children, to stop them from feeling upset or acting out, but the truth is they cannot regulate emotions as easily as adults, and 'acting out' and having temper tantrums are a normal part of their development," she explained to Bored Panda.
"When it comes to teenagers, their moods are affected by their hormones and the pressures of growing up," Broadbent, the author of Mumboss (UK) and The Working Mom (US and Canada), added. "I think it's important to be compassionate to yourself first as a parent, to accept you're trying your best and there's no perfect way to raise a child, and of course, to be understanding to your child who feels more confused than you do. It's their first time living, and yours too."
Parents should keep their cool when responding to a tantrum so that they don't complicate the problem even more with their frustration or anger. Luckily, this list proves that it's possible!
Of course, tantrums should be handled differently depending on the child and the situation, but generally speaking, "distraction is key when young children are acting out/having a meltdown, as is holding them close if they let you so they feel safe and comforted," Broadbent said.
"I also find adding a few drops of lavender on their clothes helps soothe them quickly, or in their bath (baths are always calming) and in some cases, where safe, let them shout and cry for a short while so they can process what they're feeling. Don't leave them alone ever but allow them to 'get it all out.'"
"With older children, speaking calmly to them about what has upset them, once they've cooled off, can help them process their pain," Broadbent said. "Ditto providing examples of your feelings at their age, using examples, might be beneficial. It humanizes you as a parent and allows you to express your empathy."
At the end of the day, the Honest Mum believes all children want to feel heard, seen, understood, and loved unconditionally, and they need this confirmation more than ever when they're pushing you away.
A survey of 1,000 moms and 1,000 dads of kids ages 0-4 found that, on average, their child throws a little over four tantrums per week.
However, results also showed that dads might have a slight edge over moms in controlling these situations (45% vs 42%).
