#1 Not A Birb Divorce But Fighting Over Birb Visitation In A Human Divorce
Some of these birds look like they’ve been through the wringer, and who can blame them? Break-ups aren’t easy. Even if you’re not married. But when you throw in a legal contract, shared property, assets, kids, parenting plans, lawyers and divorce court, things can get even messier - and more expensive.
According to Forbes magazine, the average cost of a divorce in the U.S.A. in 2024 is between 15,000 and 20,000 U.S Dollars. That’s quite a pretty penny to spend on dismantling a nest. Imagine doing it twice? Or even thrice?
#2 Henry Had Been Hurt Before; A Man Who Loved Too Much. He Couldn’t Help That He Wore His Heart On His Sleeve...and Pants And Hat
Bored Panda reached out to the moderators of the community to find out what attracted them to divorced birds. Here's what they had to say: "The original mod ChtuluKitty based it on a tweet he saw. Kitty has taken a step back but the general vibe of the community is it runs itself, the subscribers know what they like and do not like so we just listen to the people! It’s one of the coolest corners of the internet!"
While the stories here are fictional and all in the name of fun, it appears some might not be too far from the truth. Research shows that 90% of bird species are monogamous, meaning they stick to one mate, at the very least for a full breeding season. Some even go the extra mile and mate for life.
Among the most monogamous are the black vulture, bald eagle, laysan albatross, mute swan, barn owl and of course, lovebirds…
#3 Julia Glared Into The Mirror. Years Of Carl Telling Her Not To Spend Money On Makeup Drove Her To Spend All Of Her First Alimony Check At Sephora. “It’s Over, And I Can Be As Fabulous As I Want Now, Carl! I’m Putting Myself First, And I Am Beautiful!”
#4 Steph Hadn’t Dated Since 1984 And She Felt Stupid In The Corner Of The Club Dressed Like Cyndi Lauper
Penguins also mate for life, with one species in the Falkland Islands taking part in its very own version of The (Bird) Bachelor. These guys take their quest for love seriously, adding a dash of romance - and rivalry - to their relationships.
Just like some famous Hollywood celebs, gentoo penguin girls expect a big, polished rock before committing. So once a young male penguin has found his perfect mate, he’ll need to search for the perfect pebble to match her beauty. He’ll scour the shore in his black and white tuxedo and once he’s found one fit for a princess, he’ll carefully pick it up with his beak. The hopeful bachelor will then carry it across the beach, present it to his soon-to-be fiancee and propose.
#5 She Knew Gary Was Unreliable, But She Never Expected Him To Abandon Her Before The Baby Was Even Born. She Was A Survivor, Though, And Was Going To Be The Best Mother For Her Child, Even If All She Could Afford Was A Rundown Apartment In The Red Light District
#6 After Losing A Custody Battle With Her Ex Husband Last Year, Ann Myers (33) Of Winnipeg, Manitoba Suffered A Psychotic Break And Kidnapped Her Neighbors 2 Children Claiming They Were Her Own. She Is Believed To Be Heading To Mexico. If You Know Anything About Her Whereabouts, Call 1-555-Crime
If he manages to bowl her over, she’ll signal “I do” by offering him a rock of his own. No long engagement, no lavish wedding. Just happy feet. A simple exchange of rocks to seal the deal - and a promise to be together “until death do us part”.
After the ceremony, the couple continues to search for pebbles together, laying a rock solid foundation for their life as a married couple. The pebbles will become the perfect love nest in which they start their family.
But all’s fair in love and war… and penguin passion doesn’t come without drama. If a guy can’t find the perfect pebble, some will resort to stealing one from another couple’s nest - causing all sorts of crazy chaos.
#8 Clarice, Widowed For The 4th Time In A Row, Attending The Funeral Of Her Late Husband Edward Who Passed Under Mysterious Circumstances. However, Clarice Will Be Able To Cope With This Horrific Loss With Edward’s Life Insurance Policy There To Comfort Her
#9 Everyone Is So Concerned With How The Divorced Birds Are, They Never Stop To Think Of The Children. Connor Is Still Trying To Adjust To His Parents Divorce, But When Mom Brings Over Her “New Friends” He Locks Himself In His Room With The Sounds Of Pink Floyd While He Hits The Bong
On the topic of chaos, what if I told you there's a whole world of scandals in the sky we weren’t even aware of?
While most birds are in it for the long haul, sometimes things fall apart. Not only do birds really get “divorced” - but bird divorce is on the rise. It’s actually something scientists have been studying for decades.
#10 With Her Hair Done Up And Fresh Makeup, Julia Hiked Up Her New Black Capris And Sauntered Past Peter's Job. She Outwardly Ignored The Whistles From His Coworkers, But On The Inside She Teemed With Excitement. "Just Breathe" She Reminded Herself As She Played It Cool
#11 This Is Betty’s Favorite Pink Dress. One Time Robert Told Her She Looked Fat In It And She Was Too Ashamed To Wear It. Now That He’s Gone She’s Pulled It Back Out Of The Closet. She’s Flaunting Her Curves And She Doesn’t Care Who Sees It!
#12 Darren Put On His Best Smile For The New Dating Profile, But The Hurt Was Still In His Eyes
“With regard to birds, divorce is generally taken to mean that at least one partner pairs with another individual, even though both partners are still living and residing within the same population,” wrote William Moskoff in his 1995 research paper “Birds and Divorce”.
“Needless to say, the notion of avian divorce bears little resemblance to what we think of as divorce,” he added. “The concept is simply a convenient way for ornithologists to measure mate fidelity.”
No long drawn-out court battles, no legal fees, no splitting of assets, no parenting plans, no alimony. Just a “Thanks for the memories. I’m out.” Imagine.
Is it any surprise some of these birds look like one flew over the cuckoo's nest?
#13 Gary Had Spent Too Many Years Denying Who He Really Was, Suppressing His True Desires To "Fit In". Once He Opened Up To His Truth, His World Came Into Focus. He May Have Lost His Wife Shelia, But He Found His Steve. This Year Marks Their 20th Anniversary. There Is Life After A Divorce Chickadees
#14 After 50 Years Of Marriage, Dolly Is Beginning To Wonder If Her Husband Had Robbed Her Of The Best Years Of Her Life
#15 Daniel Was Beginning To Wonder If He Actually Was The Father Of Amber's Son. That Was The Only Reason They'd Rushed Into Marriage, But Their Child Looked Eerily Similar To Amber's Boss
In 2023, a new research paper came out titled, “Divorce rate in monogamous birds increases with male promiscuity and migration distance”. Yes, you read that right. Birds don’t just tweet. They also cheat. The guys in particular. You dirty, dirty birds!
The paper states: “Our results showed that only male promiscuity, but not female promiscuity, had a positive relationship with divorce rate. Furthermore, migration distance was positively correlated with divorce rate, whereas adult mortality rate showed no direct relationship with divorce rate.”
#16 Molly Was Devastated When Vince Walked Out Of Their Lives. Money Was Tight, Working Extra Hours Was Taking Its Toll, And Things Were Never Going To Be The Same Again. But She Still Had Her Little Girls, And That Was Enough To Make It All Worthwhile
#17 Mabel Strutted Out Of The Salon, The Brisk NYC Air Made Her Feathers Tingle. She Had A New Make Over, Stan Was History And 2020 Was Going To Be A Year To Remember
The researchers studied 232 bird species from around the world, then split them into male and female groups. They gave each bird species a “promiscuity score”, with 0 being highly unlikely to step out on the relationship and 4 being a serial cheating scumbag.
They found that “plovers, swallows, martins, orioles and blackbirds had both high divorce rates and male promiscuity, whereas petrels, albatrosses, geese and swans had low divorce rates and male promiscuity.”
#20 Marvin Hadn't Been In The Dating Game In 20yrs, But He Knew Suspenders Were Still In
