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However, it’s also true that introverts can have difficulty dealing with loneliness. Sophia Dembling, author of The Introvert's Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World, says introverts might be at a bigger risk of loneliness because they set a very high bar for friendships. "[They] desire and require deep connections and would rather be lonely alone than in a crowd," Dembling writes. In reality, deep connections require time and effort, they're not something that we can establish on a whim.
Emily White, the author of Lonely: Learning to Live With Solitude, talks about the loneliness loop."I was struck during my lonely years at how often I retreated from social interaction,” White said. “People would ask me out for dinner and I would say ‘no’, people would ask me out for drinks after work and I would say ‘no’."
"Social interactions began to make me anxious, and that was the case even though I desperately needed more sociability in my life. And I couldn't make sense of this paradox and I started blaming myself for it."
"When you're lonely, you can start to feel as though you don't have what you need to bring to social situations, you don't feel safe in those situations," White continued. "So you start to retreat and the more you do that, the lonelier you become, and it becomes this vicious circle that you can't get out of."
Sophia Dembling shares some advice for fellow introverts who might want to get out of that loop. She recommends texting – it's low effort, not that daunting and surprisingly effective. For those who want to get off the couch more often, she advises to initiate hangouts and extend invitations to friends. That way, you won't be subjected to someone else's idea of fun and spend time with people that you want to spend time with.
