Parenting changes lives. There is no question about it. Caring for a small human being that is completely helpless and in need of your continued support can become the sole purpose of one’s life. At least for a little while, until the child starts gaining independence, forging their own thoughts and dreams and doing their best to reach them.
But maybe it’s even more complex when the sentience starts kicking in and you actually start molding the child into an amazing and fully capable human being of the future. But how does one actually do that? There’s parenting methods out the wazoo and everyone seems to know best how one should be raising and disciplining their child, especially the random stranger standing next to you by the cashier.
According to Krysten Taprell, a Psychologist with over 20 years experience working with children and families, otherwise known as The Therapist Parent on social media, the most important thing any parent can do is reflect on the way they were raised themselves. “If we don't stop and think about how we were parented, we are bound to repeat it,” she told Bored Panda.
“Chances are, these will also be your triggers as a parent—the thing that your child will do that really pushes your buttons,” she continued. “So again, it is good to think about how you want to handle it before it happens.”
Krysten believes that all parents should have an understanding of the basics behind child brain development and the fact that their expectations may be too advanced for what the child is capable of understanding. “Most of the time, they aren't trying to be difficult, they are responding with the skills that they have,” she said. But one fact remains undoubted: Bringing up children comes with having to discipline them and how one does it will influence the kids for the rest of their life.
As stated on VeryWellFamily, researchers have identified four different types of parenting styles and how each tends to affect the child’s development. They are: Authoritarian, Authoritative, Permissive, and Uninvolved. We will focus on a type of parenting, which sits under the Authoritative parenting umbrella and that is Gentle parenting.
Authoritative parents usually have rules and they use consequences, but they also take their children's opinions into account. It assumes children are born good and with the desire to do the right thing, although their reasoning may sometimes lead to misbehavior.
A lot of discussion has been had online about the “gentle” type of parenting, many believing that kids are not given a sufficient amount of discipline for their poor actions. However, as Krysten explained, there is a huge misunderstanding about discipline and punishment. “Discipline means to teach and guide. Punishment is to hurt or harm someone for doing something wrong,” she told Bored Panda.
“Our goal as parents is to teach our children and guide them through life,” Krysten continued. “That doesn't mean that you shouldn't have boundaries. Gentle parenting has clear boundaries, but you don't have to use punishments to enforce them.”
In a blog post from 2020, Krysten explained the reasons why punishment doesn't work. “Children need guidance and direction. They need to be taught what is right and what is wrong, but they don't need to be hurt in the process,” she explained. We learn how to act in society by mirroring those that raise us.
“When we punish a child, they focus on what is happening to them rather than what they did that was wrong in the first place. They become more selfish and don't develop empathy for others,” Krysten stated. “Punishment actually encourages children to lie and avoid punishment rather than avoiding the behavior you are trying to stop.”
So instead of punishment, Krysten believes parents should work with their children “and not be an authority to cause fear, but someone that will help them develop to the same moral standard we have.” Of course, parenting doesn’t come easily or naturally to everyone; the parent themselves will have to learn their boundaries.
As Krysten said, “there is no ‘fool proof’ way to parent. We all make mistakes. It doesn't matter who you are. The important thing is that we apologize to our children when we need to and keep connection in the relationship.” She believes that this can also be an incredible learning opportunity in humility and honest communication.
“We are going to get it wrong sometimes, that is guaranteed. But this doesn't have to cause shame and guilt. It can be an amazing opportunity to teach your child,” Krysten concluded. We’re very grateful for her insight and if you’d like to learn more, you can check out her Instagram and Facebook pages, as well as her website.
As you continue scrolling through this list, make sure you’re upvoting your favorites, leaving comments to share your own experiences, and I shall hope to see you in the next one! Stay awesome and have a good day!
