A poem can be many things - it can be deep (in fact, that’s probably the first thing that pops into your mind when thinking about poems), it can be sad, and, among all the other things, it can be hilariously funny, too. And even if the topic discussed in such a funny poem isn’t necessarily an amusing one, the way the words are placed and rhymed makes it into a helluva fun poem. And if you need any examples of hilarious poems, you’ve come to the right place because here you’ll find more than a hundred of them!
So, what should you expect from these funny short poems besides them tickling your funny bone? Well, some of these are, in fact, pretty deep verses that talk about the human condition in a snarky way, thus making it all seem eerily funny. But funny nonetheless. Then, there are some pretty charming funny love poems here, of course. Because what’s funnier than love, amiright? Then there are a couple of short poems for kids mixed in and, of course, a dose of cool poems for adults alike. So, any way you look at it, this is a well-rounded selection of hilarious verses that span various topics. And that’s just the way we like it!
Now, ready or not, these funny rhymes are waiting for you just a bit further down. Once you get there, vote for the best poems, and after that, you might want to share this article with your friends!
#1
"Be Glad Your Nose is On Your Face" by Jack Prelutsky
Be glad your nose is on your face,
not pasted on some other place,
for if it were where it is not,
you might dislike your nose a lot.
not pasted on some other place,
for if it were where it is not,
you might dislike your nose a lot.
Imagine if your precious nose
were sandwiched in between your toes,
that clearly would not be a treat,
for you'd be forced to smell your feet.
were sandwiched in between your toes,
that clearly would not be a treat,
for you'd be forced to smell your feet.
Your nose would be a source of dread
were it attached atop your head,
it soon would drive you to despair,
forever tickled by your hair.
were it attached atop your head,
it soon would drive you to despair,
forever tickled by your hair.
Within your ear, your nose would be
an absolute catastrophe,
for when you were obliged to sneeze,
your brain would rattle from the breeze.
an absolute catastrophe,
for when you were obliged to sneeze,
your brain would rattle from the breeze.
Your nose, instead, through thick and thin,
remains between your eyes and chin,
not pasted on some other place—
be glad your nose is on your face!
remains between your eyes and chin,
not pasted on some other place—
be glad your nose is on your face!
unknown
Report19points
#2
"A Crime Scene" by Albert Van Hoogmoed
There's been a murder, a woman was killed,
found in a bathtub, partially filled.
found in a bathtub, partially filled.
A pair of policemen went into the house
and questioned the poor woman's spouse.
and questioned the poor woman's spouse.
He'd just come home from working all night
and found her like that, a terrible sight.
and found her like that, a terrible sight.
The younger policeman looked on with dismay.
He'd never forget that terrible day.
He'd never forget that terrible day.
He saw the young woman from behind the door
and empty milk cartons all over the floor,
and empty milk cartons all over the floor,
Scattered strawberries, slices of fruit,
and spoonfuls of sugar and honey to boot.
and spoonfuls of sugar and honey to boot.
''Who could have done this terrible thing?''
His voice had a horrified, pitiful ring.
His voice had a horrified, pitiful ring.
''Just look at the clues,'' replied Sargeant Miller.
''It looks like the work of a cereal killer.''
''It looks like the work of a cereal killer.''
unknown
Report19points
#3
"The People Upstairs" by Ogden Nash
The people upstairs all practise ballet
Their living room is a bowling alley
Their bedroom is full of conducted tours.
Their radio is louder than yours,
They celebrate week-ends all the week.
When they take a shower, your ceilings leak.
They try to get their parties to mix
By supplying their guests with Pogo sticks,
And when their fun at last abates,
They go to the bathroom on roller skates.
I might love the people upstairs more
If only they lived on another floor.
Their living room is a bowling alley
Their bedroom is full of conducted tours.
Their radio is louder than yours,
They celebrate week-ends all the week.
When they take a shower, your ceilings leak.
They try to get their parties to mix
By supplying their guests with Pogo sticks,
And when their fun at last abates,
They go to the bathroom on roller skates.
I might love the people upstairs more
If only they lived on another floor.
unknown
Report17points
#4
"Live Without" by Owen Meredith
We may live without poetry, music and art;
We may live without conscience, and live without heart;
We may live without friends, we may live without books;
But civilized man cannot live without cooks.
He may live without books—what is knowledge but grieving?
He may live without hope—what is hope but deceiving?
He may live without love—what is passion but pining?
But where is the man that can live without dining.
We may live without conscience, and live without heart;
We may live without friends, we may live without books;
But civilized man cannot live without cooks.
He may live without books—what is knowledge but grieving?
He may live without hope—what is hope but deceiving?
He may live without love—what is passion but pining?
But where is the man that can live without dining.
unknown
Report17points
#5
"Home Alone" by Innarenko
My family’s gone; there’s no one home.
It’s only me who’s home alone.
I shouldn't hear a single squeak.
There shouldn't even be a creak,
It’s only me who’s home alone.
I shouldn't hear a single squeak.
There shouldn't even be a creak,
So what’s that thumping that I hear?
It must mean one thing: death is near.
“You’re an adult, you’ll be just fine.”
I tell myself as I dial “nine”...
It must mean one thing: death is near.
“You’re an adult, you’ll be just fine.”
I tell myself as I dial “nine”...
Was that a knock upon the door?
My heart beats faster than before
I know it's closed; I’ve checked the lock.
At least my killer knows to knock?
My heart beats faster than before
I know it's closed; I’ve checked the lock.
At least my killer knows to knock?
I cannot sleep, though I’m in bed.
I've made amends with God instead.
If He decides that it’s my time,
Then this will be my very last rhyme.
I've made amends with God instead.
If He decides that it’s my time,
Then this will be my very last rhyme.
I hear a bang and then a break.
My head shoots up; there’s no mistake!
I turn my music volume high
So I won't hear the way I die.
My head shoots up; there’s no mistake!
I turn my music volume high
So I won't hear the way I die.
I run upstairs, desk lamp in hand.
Over my head, ready to land,
And right before it did just that.
I remembered—I have a cat.
Over my head, ready to land,
And right before it did just that.
I remembered—I have a cat.
unknown
Report16points
#6
"The Perfect Friend" by Shannen Wrass
Today I found a friend
who knew everything I felt
she knew my weakness
and the problems I've been dealt.
She understood my wonders
and listened to my dreams,
she listened to how I felt about life and love
and knew what it all means.
Not once did she interrupt me
or tell me I was wrong
she understood what I was going through
and promised she'd stay long.
I reached out to this friend,
to show her that I care
to pull her close and let her know
how much I need her there.
I went to hold her hand
to pull her a bit nearer
and I realized this perfect friend I found
was nothing but a mirror.
who knew everything I felt
she knew my weakness
and the problems I've been dealt.
She understood my wonders
and listened to my dreams,
she listened to how I felt about life and love
and knew what it all means.
Not once did she interrupt me
or tell me I was wrong
she understood what I was going through
and promised she'd stay long.
I reached out to this friend,
to show her that I care
to pull her close and let her know
how much I need her there.
I went to hold her hand
to pull her a bit nearer
and I realized this perfect friend I found
was nothing but a mirror.
unknown
Report16points
#7
"This Is Just To Say" by William Carlos Williams
I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox
the plums
that were in
the icebox
and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast
you were probably
saving
for breakfast
Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold
unknown
Report16points
#8
"Peas & Honey"
I eat my peas with honey.
I’ve done it all my life.
It makes the peas taste funny.
But it keeps them on the knife!
I’ve done it all my life.
It makes the peas taste funny.
But it keeps them on the knife!
unknown
Report16points
#9
"Missing" by Anne Scott
I’ve hunted near, I’ve hunted far
I even looked inside my car.
I’ve lost my glasses, I’m in need,
To have them now so I can read.
I loudly swear and I curse
Did I leave them in my purse?
Are they behind the sofa, under the bed?
Oh there they are—on my head!
I even looked inside my car.
I’ve lost my glasses, I’m in need,
To have them now so I can read.
I loudly swear and I curse
Did I leave them in my purse?
Are they behind the sofa, under the bed?
Oh there they are—on my head!
unknown
Report15points
#10
"Yes! No!" by Joanna Fuchs
My turn signal wasn’t working,
So I asked for help from a friend.
“Stand behind the car,” I said.
“Let’s get this problem to end.”
So I asked for help from a friend.
“Stand behind the car,” I said.
“Let’s get this problem to end.”
“When I turn the signal on,
If it’s working, let me know.”
I hit the blinker and then I heard:
“Yes! No! Yes! No! Yes! No!”
If it’s working, let me know.”
I hit the blinker and then I heard:
“Yes! No! Yes! No! Yes! No!”
unknown
Report15points
#11
"Funny Young Fellow"
A funny young fellow named Perkins
Was terribly fond of small gherkins.
One day after tea
He ate ninety three
And pickled his internal workings.
Was terribly fond of small gherkins.
One day after tea
He ate ninety three
And pickled his internal workings.
unknown
Report14points
#12
"Rain" by Shel Silverstein
I opened my eyes
And looked up at the rain,
And it dripped in my head
And flowed into my brain,
And all that I hear as I lie in my bed
Is the slishity-slosh of the rain in my head.
And looked up at the rain,
And it dripped in my head
And flowed into my brain,
And all that I hear as I lie in my bed
Is the slishity-slosh of the rain in my head.
I step very softly,
I walk very slow,
I can't do a handstand--
I might overflow,
So pardon the wild crazy thing I just said--
I'm just not the same since there's rain in my head.
I walk very slow,
I can't do a handstand--
I might overflow,
So pardon the wild crazy thing I just said--
I'm just not the same since there's rain in my head.
unknown
Report14points
#13
"The Elephant"
An elephant slept in his bunk,
And in slumber his chest rose and sunk.
But he snored — how he snored!
All the other beasts roared,
So his wife tied a knot in his trunk.
And in slumber his chest rose and sunk.
But he snored — how he snored!
All the other beasts roared,
So his wife tied a knot in his trunk.
unknown
Report13points
#14
"My Doggy Ate My Essay" by Darren Sardelli
My doggy ate my essay.
He picked up all my mail.
He cleaned my dirty closet
and dusted with his tail.
He picked up all my mail.
He cleaned my dirty closet
and dusted with his tail.
He straightened out my posters
and swept my wooden floor.
My parents almost fainted
when he fixed my bedroom door.
and swept my wooden floor.
My parents almost fainted
when he fixed my bedroom door.
I did not try to stop him.
He made my windows shine.
My room looked like a palace,
and my dresser smelled like pine.
He made my windows shine.
My room looked like a palace,
and my dresser smelled like pine.
He fluffed up every pillow.
He folded all my clothes.
He even cleaned my fish tank
with a toothbrush and a hose.
He folded all my clothes.
He even cleaned my fish tank
with a toothbrush and a hose.
I thought it was amazing
to see him use a broom.
I'm glad he ate my essay
on "How to Clean My Room."
to see him use a broom.
I'm glad he ate my essay
on "How to Clean My Room."
unknown
Report13points
#15
"Toilet Strategy" by Joanna Fuchs
A little boy sat on the toilet;
He was in there way too long.
His mom came in to check;
She thought something was wrong.
He was in there way too long.
His mom came in to check;
She thought something was wrong.
He's sit and sigh, sit and sigh,
Then he'd slap the top of his head.
"Why do you do that?" his mother asked.
"Works for ketchup," he said.
Then he'd slap the top of his head.
"Why do you do that?" his mother asked.
"Works for ketchup," he said.
unknown
Report13points
#16
"Too Careful" by Joanna Fuchs
I don't believe in taking excess risks,
But a person can be excessively careful, too.
A friend of mine checks every detail twice;
He's the most meticulous man I ever knew.
But a person can be excessively careful, too.
A friend of mine checks every detail twice;
He's the most meticulous man I ever knew.
We went to the copy store the other day;
I thought we'd be a few minutes, and then be done.
But he counted all his copies several times,
And then proceeded to proofread every one!
I thought we'd be a few minutes, and then be done.
But he counted all his copies several times,
And then proceeded to proofread every one!
unknown
Report13points
#17
"Why"
Why is it that most people want
The Front seat in the bus,
The Back seat in church and
The Middle of the road?
The Front seat in the bus,
The Back seat in church and
The Middle of the road?
unknown
Report13points
#18
"Mr. Grumpledump’s Song" by Shel Silverstein
Everything’s wrong,
Days are too long,
Sunshine’s too hot,
Wind is too strong.
Clouds are too fluffy,
Grass is too green,
Ground is too dusty,
Sheets are too clean.
Stars are too twinkly,
Moon is too high,
Water’s too drippy,
Sand is too dry.
Rocks are too heavy,
Feathers too light,
Kids are too noisy,
Shoes are too tight.
Folks are too happy,
Singin’ their songs.
Why can’t they see it?
Everything’s wrong!
Days are too long,
Sunshine’s too hot,
Wind is too strong.
Clouds are too fluffy,
Grass is too green,
Ground is too dusty,
Sheets are too clean.
Stars are too twinkly,
Moon is too high,
Water’s too drippy,
Sand is too dry.
Rocks are too heavy,
Feathers too light,
Kids are too noisy,
Shoes are too tight.
Folks are too happy,
Singin’ their songs.
Why can’t they see it?
Everything’s wrong!
unknown
Report13points
#19
"My One-Eyed Love" by Andrew Jefferson
I’ve fallen in love—I don't know why
I’ve fallen in love with a girl with one eye.
I’ve fallen in love with a girl with one eye.
I knew from the start. It was plain to see
That this wonderful girl had an eye out for me
That this wonderful girl had an eye out for me
She’s charming and witty and jolly and jocular
Not what you’d expect from a girl who’s monocular.
Not what you’d expect from a girl who’s monocular.
Of eyes—at the moment—she hasn’t full quota
But that doesn’t change things for me one iota.
But that doesn’t change things for me one iota.
It must be quite difficult if you’re bereft.
If your left eye is gone and your right eye is left.
If your left eye is gone and your right eye is left.
But she’s made up her mind. She’s made her decision.
She can see it quite clearly in 10/20 vision.
She can see it quite clearly in 10/20 vision.
She’ll not leave me waiting, not left in the lurch
If she looks slightly sideways she’ll see me in church.
If she looks slightly sideways she’ll see me in church.
I’ll marry my true love who’s gentle and kind.
And thus prove to everyone that loves not quite blind.
And thus prove to everyone that loves not quite blind.
unknown
Report12points
#20
"I Ate a Chili Pepper" by Barbara Vance
I ate a chili pepper
One a lunch-time dare;
Sandy said I’d burn my mouth,
But I didn’t care.
One a lunch-time dare;
Sandy said I’d burn my mouth,
But I didn’t care.
I ate that chili pepper—
Left not a seed to waste—
And won that truly silly bet,
But lost my sense of taste.
Left not a seed to waste—
And won that truly silly bet,
But lost my sense of taste.
unknown
Report12points