To gain deeper insights on the effects of social media on self-presentation and the phenomenon of projecting a "cool" or "tough" image online, Bored Panda reached out to licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Jesse Matthews.
According to Dr. Matthews, the desire to present a more idealized version of oneself online is not a new phenomenon, but rather a continuation of what people have been doing offline for years. “It’s just easier online because it’s not usually happening in real time and you can curate the image that you want to, which is often a more idealized version of yourself than reality.”
“Everyone wants to be cool, however, they define it. And typically guys (and some girls) want to appear tough, which can go hand-in-hand with cool. These are valued traits in society or among some groups, so feeling like you have these attributes gives you self-esteem. This increases through validation in the form of views, likes, or comments.”
As a licensed clinical psychologist, Dr. Jesse Matthews has been dedicated to helping adults improve their mental health and overall well-being. Through his work, he has seen firsthand the connection between self-presentation and self-worth. This makes him well-equipped to address the topic of people attempting to appear "tough" online. In his professional opinion, these attempts are closely tied to one's sense of self-worth and the way one views the world around them.
“Feeling as though you can increase your self-esteem in this way and get validation from others brings feelings of self-worth. And mindset is about one’s worldview and how one approaches each day. More than ever, there is so much content online and people you can follow who discuss mindset, especially as it relates to success, fitness, wealth, or happiness. Men are some of the biggest creators of this content as well as consumers. Often they are tough-looking guys talking about grinding and being disciplined and authentic, and this is all very much portrayed as being cool. If this is what you are into posting or watching, then striving to be more like this is going to create or enhance feelings of self-worth for these individuals.”
As social media plays a big role in our lives, the way we present ourselves online has become increasingly important. However, sometimes the self-image can be slightly or very much distorted by some individuals, as seen in the phenomenon of those who aim to appear "tough" online. But what are the consequences of this kind of behavior? According to Dr. Jesse Matthews, this certainly depends on how one is portraying ‘tough’. “Obviously, if it involves committing crimes, harming others, and so on, there could be legal consequences or someone could become a target in real life for that kind of thing. If it’s more inappropriate or what many would believe to be objectionable behavior (i.e. posting sexist, racist, homophobic, or otherwise disrespectful content), there could be consequences for employment, college admissions, and things like that. For the individual, of course, there could be future regret or the person could get ‘canceled’ in some fashion. In a more immediate sense, it’s not necessarily positive for anyone to try to portray something that they are not. It doesn’t bring real self-esteem if what you are presenting isn’t reality.”
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“If a person characterizes ‘tough’ as self-disciplined, motivated, and as ‘grinding’ or something like that, I don’t think there is anything wrong with it if that’s actually who they are or who they are trying to become. A lot of the mindset content you see out there is of this nature. Of course, it could be harmful mentally or physically if too extreme. As a psychologist and as a man (who a lot of this content is made by and for), I personally love that improving or working on yourself has become cool or tough. I also love that being honest with yourself and others, being more open or willing to talk about things like feelings, and being more willing to do things like ask for help has become cool. Suffering in silence or trying to be some fake masculine stereotype is neither cool nor tough, and I’m so glad people are starting to realize and acknowledge that.”
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Social media has become an integral part of our daily lives, influencing the way we present ourselves to the world. With the constant barrage of images and posts from friends, celebrities, and influencers, it's easy to feel like we're in a never-ending competition for attention. Dr. Jesse Matthews shared that because of that, people are posting or creating content that fits whatever they are trying to portray. “Oftentimes, this is more idealized than reality. Everyone posts about their wins or life highlights, while very few posts are about losses or things they wouldn’t want everyone to know about. And because social media is such a big part of our lives, the lines are often blurred between that world and reality, so there is a carryover."
As we navigate the digital world, it can be tempting to project an idealized image of ourselves, but is this really the best approach? According to Dr. Jesse Matthews, being authentic and true to yourself would be the healthiest way to present yourself online. “The more congruent the real you is with what you’re putting on the internet, the better. This does not necessarily mean oversharing or posting stuff that you might be embarrassed about, but keeping the authenticity and what that means for you in mind. Think about your values and try to live as true to them as possible. And lastly, less is more. Trying to keep social media use to a minimal or moderate amount is generally best, as far as productivity and things like that, but the research has been showing high correlations between heavy social media use and things like high rates of depression, anxiety, and loneliness.”
