Father Of 4 Daughters Refuses To Sugarcoat His Instagram Pics, Takes Internet By Storm

I seem to forget to feed myself sometimes. I can get to 5pm and realise I've had nothing other than a cup of tea that's been microwaved 5 times and has a skin on it that's thicker than I feel after watching a documentary of dark matter. The twins, on the other hand, get 3 square meals a day spooned directly into their mouths. I tried crouching between them in the hope @mother_of_daughters would feed me too (FYI I don't have tiny arms) although I was rumbled by Delilah who kicked up a fuss. They have absolutely zero loyalty or compassion for me. Get between these girls & their food and you may just lose a finger. #noidonthavetinyarms #foodoverfathers #arewefeeders #theydontsharefood #nowonderimlosingweight #microwavetea #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife

After dressing the twins as pink fisherman and managing to navigate passed the people selling flashing swords and whirling things without parting with money, we celebrated bonfire night in style. And by style I mean dealing with a huge melt down, an explosive poo that happened against my chest in the carrier literally 2 seconds after this photo was taken (and no nappies) and spending £8 on chips that were luke warm. It was all worth it to see the twins faces when the fireworks started. Fun night out in Crystal palace. #coldchipsandbigshits #bonfirenight #twinslovefireworks #crytstalpalace #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

Delilah shrieking with glee as her older sisters teach her how to trash a room In under a Minute (an important skill when you're a kid) What you don't see here is me encouraging them and @mother_of_daughters having heart palpitations at the horror of things being out of place with no order (she's on the OCD spectrum for sure). What's life if you can't make a mess and have fun doing it now and again. Beer time ....... #messwontkillyou #teaching #lifelessons #dadlife #fatherofdaughters #instadad

Ottie's teething has made her as clingy as a winter cold and she refuses to be put down on the floor at the moment, so I'm doing everything with a 9 month old surgically grafted onto my chest. This includes baking (with mixed success - Her feet were just at the right height to kick the butter, the flour and my manhood, several times). I find it almost impossible not to take over and mix things properly but i must let them make a complete hash of it, so they learn too. I'm sure the cookies will taste fine and we can just pick out the egg shell. I'm also almost certain that no snot made it into the bowl either so that's a real a bonus. #shedbekickedoffbakeoff #snoteggcookiesummmmmm #ifindithardnottodoitforthem #backseatbaker #offtoabakesalewithyou #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife

The curse of being called Simon when at a children's birthday party - I am immediately rolled out for the obligatory game of 'Simon says'. Of course I take it easy to start with and filter out those that can't keep up. After separating the wheat from the chaff, we get to the hard core pros who know their stuff. I finally kill them all off with the old stand on one leg, close one eye and stick out your tongue. The remaining kids think I'm taking it too seriously, get bored and run off leaving me looking like a proper tool. I might have taken competitive dadding too far- they're only 6 after all, oh well. #competitivedad #ifyouplaywithmeweplayforreal #playhard #happybirthday #simonsays #happysunday #fatherofdaughters #instadad #parenting #kidsparty #dadlife

Cooking with the family is important so that they get an early interest in what healthy eating is all about. But when you add two 10 month work experience kitchen hands to the mix who have minimum training and hygiene standards that would get a greasy kebab placed closed down, Jamie Olivers 15 minutes meals turn into Simon hooper's 90 minute botch jobs. In the end you just chuck it all in and hope for the best. The likelihood is that it will get rejected by the discerning clientele anyway. Might as well just short cut the whole process and chuck the raw food directly into the bin. #masterchefiaint #sausageandchipsitis #worstworkexperienceever #ottieatearawgarlicwhole #whydowebother #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad