Bored Panda reached out to Crystal Haitsma, a Certified Professional Parenting and Life Coach with extensive experience in working with families and addressing parenting challenges, to glean insights from her expertise in parenting and emotional wellness, especially concerning parents of multiple children.
When queried about the typical struggles parents encounter while raising children (especially multiple), Haitsma told us, "All parents are going to face challenges, no matter how many kiddos you have. In my experience, working with over 100 families, most of the challenges remain the same, regardless of the number of children you have. Here are three common concerns I observe:
- How do we teach our children emotional regulation? In real life, this means getting our kids not to kick, scream, yell, and freak out every time they don’t get what they want. And yes, even older kids, teens, and adults can deal with dysregulation.
- How do we find ways to truly connect (more than just on a surface level) with our kids when SO much of our time is spent feeding them, cleaning messes, shuttling them to activities, managing arguments, and ensuring they do their homework?
- How do we truly enjoy parenting (and our kids) when things are hard? This is especially common in parents with kiddos who are neurodivergent or highly sensitive, whose needs may be significantly higher than neurotypical kids."
Addressing how parents can uphold balance and fairness while also catering to each child's unique needs, Crystal underscores that "All kiddos are SO different. Every child, every age, and every stage is different. It can seem tricky to parent such varying kids through all the stages they go through — but it doesn’t have to feel so hard:
- There are no set RULES for how you MUST parent. Just because you handle things with one kid in one way doesn’t mean you can’t change up how you do things with the next. Allow yourself to be flexible and to question parenting approaches from your own childhood or previous strategies that no longer feel aligned.
- Every parent has that “gut” instinct, or “intuition,” that can guide how to deal with unique challenges in the MOST helpful ways. If you learn how to build the muscle of intuition, it will become your greatest strength
- Learning is DEVELOPMENTAL… not just in academic subjects like math and reading, but in everything, including behavior. Holding space for each child’s individual growth is the #1 thing you can do to assist your parenting."
When we asked the parenting coach to articulate how parents can adeptly manage both emotional and practical aspects of raising siblings, Haitsma spoke to Bored Panda on the importance of emotional wellness over purely practical strategies. She emphasizes, "A lot of parenting advice focuses on practical things like setting up schedules, managing, and organizing things to be more productive, and providing mantras and phrases to use in tricky situations: the “how to”. This is MUCH less helpful than learning emotional wellness tools — understanding how to THINK and how to FEEL. Our thoughts create our feelings, and our feelings fuel our actions… THINK > FEEL > DO.
- Whether it’s sibling rivalry, helping your tweens have more love and confidence, dealing with teens skipping school, or getting your 7-year-old to stop melting down every time they don’t get their way… your OWN inner emotional work will help. In EVERY situation.
- The next time something challenging arises, try this: Write down the challenge at the top of the page, and write out ALL of the thoughts that come to mind. Then, sift through those thoughts and identify which ones are FACTS and which ones are STORY."
Responding to the quandary of managing overwhelming emotions while raising siblings, Crystal puts forth a potent strategy: focusing on self-thoughts and feelings as the cornerstone of effective parenting. She affirms, "The most effective way to feel less overwhelmed, more in control of life, and to enjoy parenting more… is to work on your thoughts and feelings. True self-care stems from how you converse with yourself internally, and how you treat yourself. The more compassion and love you feel for yourself, the more it’ll flow out to your children - they’ll feel it too.
If I were speaking to myself 5 years ago, feeling burnt out and not enjoying my kids as much as I hoped (and feeling guilty for even thinking that)… I would say: find something to help YOU with your emotional wellness. Whether it's Yoga, meditation, Life Coaching, Therapy, or Thought Journaling… start somewhere. Even if it seems small."
For those who seek additional insights, Crystal also offers her podcast, which delves into mindset and emotional tips for parents and can be accessed at. Additionally, parents can explore Haitsma's Mindset Journal, available in both PDF and physical format (at the bottom of the page, in PDF or physical format) as well as find their parenting personality and get tips tailored to them by taking the quiz right here.
