40 Hard-To-Believe Funny Stories, As Told By Folks In This Online Community

Short one, yet true nonetheless. Having a hectic day once, running errands I didn’t enjoy. Grocery shopping, quick Home Depot visit, going to bank etc etc. I forgot an item I needed at home for bank teller so I drive back irritated, driving fast, trying to make it back to bank before closing time. As I turn into my apartment’s parking lot there I notice ahead of me a squirrel. I hit my breaks to let the squirrel run by, but he’s just sitting there, nibbling on something. As I slowly drive closer I notice this squirrel is not only nibbling on fries, but he’s imitating dipping a single fry into a crushed and empty ketchup packet. I looked around to see if anyone was seeing what I was seeing. I couldn’t believe it. This m**o was dipping a fry in ketchup. A squirrel. I didn’t take a picture because my phone was dead. PrOoF Or It DiDn’T hApPeN — I know, I know. But, I think about this memory once a month or so and it’s been two years. No one ever believes me. A Big foot sighting would have been more plausible. Sometimes I think the fry eating squirrel was a form of deity or god, reminding me to slow the eff down in life. Who knows.

I was in elementary school, during recess, just kinda daydreaming and looking at some ravens flying overhead, when one of them suddenly took a nosedive... right into an open trashcan.

So of course i rush over there to check it out, but the raven was just gone out of nowhere. I was not the only pne who saw it though, another kid came rushing over as well, and thats how i met my best friend for the next 4 years

Background: my parents live in an old house, and my brother moved into one that's a bit of a fixer-upper. My dad knows how to do carpentry, electrical, and plumbing, and passed this knowledge on to us through home renovations.

I am forbidden from using the phrase, "hey guys wouldn't it be hilarious if...." because every time I do, that thing happens in the worst way possible - even if it's something wild and implausible.

"Would it be hilarious if the old porch was solid concrete?" - it was, with 1-inch thick rebar holding it together.

"Wouldn't it be hilarious if that wire was still live?" - it was, and power to the entire house was shut off. Someone wired this outlet in before the circuit breakers.

"Wouldn't it be hilarious if that old pipe was full of water still?" - Brother cut into it, water began gushing out.

"Wouldn't it be hilarious if this trellis was holding up the entire wall?" - Wall began rapidly sagging down because the damn trellis was structurally integral.

i tripped and fell at the same corner outside subway 3 different times years apart and the same guy tried to catch me every single time.

EDIT: okay i keep getting loads of soulmate/marriage comments so to clarify i was SEVEN the first time this happened. this was a grown man lmao.

EDIT2: this man is not a stalker, him and my mum would recognise eachother because she was with me each time, yes he fell trying to catch me but it was funny so its okay, and no this was not the underground train type of subway i mean the sandwich shop, he did not work there and no he isn't homeless.

Saw a chicken walking along a road, cross to the other side, and keep walking same direction.

Just like the joke

My sister being bullied by a parrot calling her names

Before my husband and I were married, but had been dating for a long while, I was watching Portlandia and BAM there’s my husband on screen. Dumbfounded I called him and he casually said “oh yeah I forgot about that”.

Got stuck in a bank for the night. When the bank is closed, you can still get to the ATM thanks to a security door. Once inside the door decided to stop working. No phone, no emergency button. Just waited here for hours till someone in the street saw me trough the glass and called someone

Was contract programming, dropping into the office every Friday. The assistant QA dude was there to take my work; "Who died and left you in charge?" -- "Jeff died two days ago." :-o

I once threw a ball for my dog and it landed on his head, rolled perfectly down his spine and off his tail.

I was playing basketball in the park with my mom. Neither of us were very athletic, we were just having fun. There was some kid hanging around us and we weren’t trying to be rude so we let him. After a few minutes of some of the worst questions I’ve ever heard, he asked me if I could throw the ball at the basket backwards. I said sure. See, had he asked if I could make it backwards I woulda said no, but he only asked if I could throw it backwards, which I could. My mom knew what I was doing, hell I picked up so much from her growing up it was probably her idea before I said anything. I took a half hearted peak at the basket, turned around, no warm up, just let that ball fly. I turned back around to watch the obvious miss. I started to say, “See, I threw it at the basket,” but all I gout outta my mouth was, “See-“

And then the ball went in. Swish. Nothing but net. Backboard? That thing never even hit the rim. I don’t have the Will to keep a straight face if I looked at the kid. I looked my mom and said “just like that.” She was almost as surprised as I was

That kid told me he didn’t think I could do it again. Mamma beat me to it this time and said, “ I think it’s your turn”

He left us alone soon after

I went to see Mitch Hedberg do stand up. We stayed around awhile hoping to see him leaving. He never materialized though, so my husband and I walked towards our car. As we were walking we heard a woman yell from an ally “Hey! Mitch Hedberg is back here signing autographs!” We walked around the corner behind a scary old building. It was like 1am and pretty dark. There was Mitch Hedberg and no other fans. Just him and his wife, who had been the one to yell about autographs. He was very high and super lovey. He hugged my husband and me and told us what his fans mean to him. HE took pictures of US for his scrapbook page online. He was also hilarious. We were just there behind a building at 1am with Mitch Hedberg and his wife laughing and hugging deep into the wee hours… When I tell people this they go silent and I’m not sure why. I figure they don’t believe it.

Was walking and chatting with 2 friends, all of us in a line, when suddenly the furthest away from me disappears from peripheral vision. Look down and she's fallen face first to the ground, saying she stepped on something slippery. The only thing under her is a banana peel.The girl literally slipped on a banana peel.

I was walking on a hiking/biking trail when a woman rode past me on her bicycle. I yelled out, “keep the pedal to the metal.” Not two seconds later I hear an awful metallic noise and turn to see the poor woman’s pedal mechanism had fallen apart. She told me, “you shouldn’t have said that!” I apologized profusely and asked if she needed any help. Naturally she didn’t…not from me anyway.

I got stung by a platypus.

It’s only funny now because so much time has passed but I had just flown in to visit a buddy and he picked me up from the airport. His house was a bit away from the airport so I ended up passing out. Anyways, I woke up to some commotion outside. He had stopped at a gas station. I stumbled out of the car and found a gun pointed at my head. He had gotten into an altercation with a couple of dudes and I guess I startled the second guy because the windows were tinted and they assumed he was alone.

Probably because I was half asleep and couldn’t really grasp what was going on, I muttered - “Well? Either pull the f*****g trigger or get out of my way cuz I really need to take a p**s.” I guess all of that was enough to dead whatever the f**k was going on and they dispersed.

Texas in case anyone was wondering or shocked. And no, I cannot confirm that is how I would handle situations like that wide awake lol

I was playing 8-ball at a bar one night (I'm not very good just play for fun). I'm on a slight winning streak. My next opponent racks them, and I break. 8 ball goes in on the break so it's an automatic win! Dude refuses to leave the table, continues to put quarters in and racks again. I'm like dude u lost .. there's like 8 people in line to play next. He's drunk and being stubborn and won't leave. So I break again.. and the 8 ball drops again.. dude walks away without saying a word

Back in middle school I was walking back to class after lunch when someone chucked something down the hallway as hard as they could. My natural instinct was to jump up and catch it. It was a perfect catch and not a single person saw. It was a mozzarella stick.

I'm a police dispatcher. You won't believe this, but one time some nutcase called and tried to make us arrest some kid cus they didn't want to help him catch his dog or something

My buddy and I once were out and a dog catcher or whatever tried to make us help them catch this stupid a*s dog. We didn’t help them so they threatened to call the police on us