Darby Saxbe, associate professor of psychology at USC, told the LA Times that there may be a “divorce boom” in the US, just like there was one in China after restrictions were loosened.
“For couples that have a healthy relationship, that are doing pretty well, there are some ways this could bring people closer together,” Saxbe said about couples who can figure out how to weather this pandemic together. “But for couples who are struggling or don’t communicate as well or don’t share the same values, this situation is going to drive a wedge or exacerbate whatever tension is already there.”
According to Saxbe, people aren’t used to spending all day, every day inside their homes. Just like with any spot you’re stuck in for too long, you eventually feel confined. Trapped. Bored. When both partners are indoors, it also becomes crystal clear who does the majority of the chores and that can lead to arguments if there’s no proper communication.
Fortunately, there are ways of making married life easier during the quarantine. People are social animals, but we still need some alone time. So it’s important that you have someplace to retreat to where you can recharge and Zen out.
Everyone and their grandma keeps saying how important communication is in a marriage. But it’s worth repeating. You can’t expect your spouse to read your mind—this eventually leads to resentment, arguments, and binge-eating ice cream. And that’s no good for anyone. So communicate. Talk. Chat. Express your thoughts and feelings.
Finally, let go of your perfectionism. We all thought that the quarantine would give us the time and focus to write our next book/tidy up the garage/pick up painting again. Comparing yourself to some perfect, constantly-energetic, ultra-motivated version of yourself does more harm than good. Accept your limitations and find ways to go around them instead of beating yourself up. You and your partner will both be much happier for it.
