According to Anna and Sarah from The Wedding Society, some people tend to focus more on the wedding than the marriage itself. "In the image-conscious, social media-driven world we currently live in, it's so easy to get caught up in the visual aesthetics of how your wedding looks. So much focus goes into planning the day that the actual reason for the day can get lost," they told Bored Panda. However, things are shifting toward a more authentic experience.
"Thankfully, there's a big trend now to go back to what's authentic, meaningful, and significant. That means focusing your day around highlighting what your relationship means to you rather than how the public think it should look. It's an amazing trend and we're 100% here for it."
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Anna and Sarah noted that honeymoons can be incredibly important for the longevity and quality of married life. So it's important not to rush back to your usual routine immediately after tying the knot. "We do find that couples who set some time after the day for a honeymoon to spend with each other and celebrate what's just happened in your relationship together (rather than jumping straight back into day-to-day life) can be hugely beneficial," they said.
"You'll never get this time back so it's important to relish it. That said, it really doesn't matter how amazing your wedding is. If it's not formalizing a relationship that has a good foundation, it ain't gonna make the relationship last. That much we know for sure."
Meanwhile, relationship and self-love coach Alex walked me through the importance of having some alone time in a long-term relationship, how to pick a lifelong partner, and how to rekindle the spark of passion.
Alex fully believes in the saying, 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder.' We need to look after our own needs as an individual from time to time as well. "When we take time to ourselves, we are meeting our own needs, feeling autonomous, and it allows us time to miss our partner. Without regular alone time within our relationships, we can become drained and even resentful," she told Bored Panda.
I asked Alex how someone could tell if their partner is 'the one,' but she told me she doesn't believe in this idea. Instead, she has a more grounded approach than my idealistic version of dating. "What we should be mindful of when picking a lifelong partner is whether or not their core values align with ours, and to determine if they demonstrate healthy relationship skills (or if they are at least learning and implementing them)," she told Bored Panda.
In the relationship coach's opinion, fixating on the idea of 'the one' can actually be harmful. "When we get hung up on this concept of 'the one,' we are less present with whoever we are dating at any specific moment because of this fear or curiosity that something out there is better—which leads to serial dating."
As for anyone out there who feels like there's no spark in their relationship anymore, the key to rekindling it is getting playful. "For some reason, we step into adulthood, get into long-term relationships and believe we must 'adult' now and get serious, which leads us to denying ourselves of playtime. To get that spark back, go do something new together, play a game together, or revisit a nostalgic spot or activity."
Suzann Pileggi Pawelski and James Pawelski, a married couple who know the secrets behind building relationships that last, told me in an earlier interview that people should spend more time thinking about the actual marriage instead of planning the wedding.
“A wedding is magical day no doubt, and of course something to celebrate, but what about planning for all the days to come in our marriage which is intended to last a life-time? Many newlyweds seem to think that ‘happily ever after’ just happens. However, research shows it’s healthy habits that build long-term love," Suzie and James previously told Bored Panda.
"It’s interesting that it’s the only domain in our lives where we think that success will just happen without much effort of our own. For example, when it comes to our physical health, it would be foolish to think that merely buying a gym membership and working out once would strengthen our muscles and build flexibility (if only that were the case!. We all know that in order to increase our strength and tone our bodies we have to work at it regularly,” the couple explained.
“So, too, when it comes to our relational health. However, popular culture seems to romanticize marriage making people think that once you get married you can merely ride off into the sunset together. That’s obviously not the case. It takes work.”
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