While many kids humble their parents now and then, reminding them they have their own view of the world too, which is just as valid, if not even more, some children take this behavior to a whole new level. On some occasions, children become too assertive and even bossy, not only knowing what’s best for them, whatever that’d take, but also being sure what's best for others, adults included.
Usually, bossy behaviors appear as children begin to explore power in a social context with peers and within the parent-child relationship. There can be many signs that a child is bossy, including: A child has a great idea in mind and she needs others to bring it to life. (“Put the castle over here. You play the baby and I’ll play the mommy.”); A child feels strongly about controlling the outcome of a situation. (“Don’t put the peas next to the mashed potatoes,” “I’m going first.”); A child is insecure and unsure about who makes the final decisions in the household, so he asserts his own power. (“Gimme the cookie before dinner. I want it right now!”)
Parents are often to blame for bossy behavior in kids because the chances are it was brought out by confusion about who makes decisions at home and inconsistency in parenting. That’s why parenting experts remind parents time and again about establishing clear rules and boundaries at home so there will be as little room for the grey area as possible.
Some children carry on with dominating behavior well into adulthood when parents fail to stand up for themselves. If the adult child lives with parents, new rules may be especially hard to set, not only because they haven’t been already, but also because the child is an adult now and sees him/herself as autonomous.
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In order to find out more about such instances, we spoke with Lynn How, a professional educator with years of experience of working with kids and the author of “Positive Young Minds.” Lynn specializes in supporting educators, parents, and children with improving and prevention of mental health issues. “Both parents and children should have a mutual respect for each other's space. The children should remember that they are now adults and their parents should not be picking up after them,” she told us and added that “They should also offer to help with cooking and cleaning.”
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Having said that, Lynn argues that “parents should not be treating their adult kids like children (unless they are behaving like them!) and should encourage their children to help out, learn to cook, etc. for when they do move out.” Meanwhile, according to her, “adult children with jobs and who pay rent and contribute to the household should be free to buy what they want if it doesn't impact the parents' house - A room taken over by a new drum kit might be a step too far, for example!” The life coach added that parents are entitled to an opinion, though, and they may need to share their opinion tactfully.
