Insecure people tend to hurt others and put them down in order to feel better about themselves. British psychotherapist Silva Neves explained to Bored Panda during a previous interview that some people who have an ‘I’m not enough’ mentality lash out at others until they gain confidence in themselves through self-compassion.
"Insecurity carries the message: 'I'm not enough', 'I'm not good enough,' or even 'I'm worthless.' These are painful beliefs to have about ourselves but many do have those underlying beliefs," the expert went into detail with Bored Panda.
"Insecurity can manifest either by making themselves invisible (If I'm not seen, nobody will notice my flaws), or the opposite, by what we call 'bragging': shouting at everybody about how wonderful they are. This is usually to try to persuade themselves that they are good enough,” he said.
"Another way to counter the 'I'm not enough' is by pushing others down, sabotaging other people's success, or attacking people as a way to feel powerful so that they can control their inner pain of 'I'm not enough'. All of these strategies don't work because what they do is either internalizing or externalizing the belief 'I'm not enough' rather than changing it," Silva explained.
"The key to becoming more secure is to change the underlying belief 'I'm not enough' to 'I'm enough.' The way to do it is with self-compassion."
The mentality that we’re not enough can become entrenched in our childhoods and become a part of who we are as adults. But as grownups, we also have the ability to change these beliefs.
"Perhaps parents didn't praise children enough, or they paid more attention to the mistakes rather than the successes. As an adult now, people can give themselves a hug once in a while and tell themselves, gently: 'you're doing good,' 'well done,' 'congratulations.' Eventually, the brain will listen and slowly change the message 'I'm not enough' to 'I'm enough,'" the expert said.
"Rather than shouting your praise at other people, it is about speaking to yourself in a loving way. When people are genuinely aware of their successes, they can become genuinely more confident without the need to impose their power onto others."
