It pays to have a sense of humor while parenting. And not just for your own sanity. Experts say humor is an effective parenting tool and that a parent's use of humor impacts the quality of their relationship with their children.
According to one study, moms and dads who integrate a dose of laughter into their day have better bonds with their kids. The team from Penn State College of Medicine surveyed 312 people between the ages of 18 and 45.
"More than half said they were raised by people who used humor and 71.8% agreed that humor can be an effective parenting tool," reads the university's website. "The majority said they do or plan to use humor with their children and believe that it has more potential benefit than harm."
“Humor can teach people cognitive flexibility, relieve stress, and promote creative problem solving and resilience,” explained senior author of the study, Benjamin Levi. The professor of pediatrics and humanities at Penn State College of Medicine added that he was brought up by parents who had a healthy funny bone.
“My father used humor and it was very effective," he said. "I use humor in my clinical practice and with my own children. The question became, 'how does one constructively use humor?'”
The experts say that when used appropriately, humor can change the dynamic of situations that are headed for conflict. And what parent-child relationship doesn't have conflict now and again?
The research paper explains that introducing an unexpected or surprise dose of humor can disrupt established patterns of behavior. This, in turn can promote "improvisation" and a different outcome.
"Imagine, for example, a toddler throwing a full-blown tantrum that continues to escalate despite efforts to calm them," reads the paper. "Here, humor as a parenting strategy might have the child’s parent declare 'OK, it’s my turn now,' and then dramatically throw their own tantrum."
The parent's actions catch the upset toddler by surprise. And many children will stop crying and instead, watch their mom or dad's stellar tantrum-performance. "As the parent’s ‘tantrum’ winds down, another adult can take their own turn throwing a tantrum," suggest the researchers.
"When it becomes the child’s turn again, they will typically resume tantruming as if they had never stopped. After a couple of rounds of this, the parent can clap their hands and say 'OK, let’s play a different game.'"
The team explains that this type of playful disruption not only helps resolve tension, but also models creativity and flexibility of mind. And this is good for both parents and children.
"For parents, the irony of turning a tantrum into a game may provide psychological distance that helps parents relieve their own stress and respond more effectively," adds the paper.
“My hope is that people can learn to use humor as an effective parenting tool, not only to diffuse tension but develop resilience and cognitive and emotional flexibility in themselves and model it for their children,” said Levi.
