We reached out to Jenn Granneman, founder of Introvert, Dear to gain some insight from an expert. First, we wanted to hear what inspired her to start a community for introverts and what it has been like seeing it flourish. "I started Introvert, Dear in 2013 as my personal blog. I was dating an extroverted man, working an extroverted job (teaching), and living with an extroverted roommate. I wanted to write about what it was like being an introvert living in an extrovert’s world," Jenn explained. "In true introvert form, I wrote the blog anonymously for almost two years because I had no desire to be in the spotlight. Today, my blog has become the world’s largest online community for introverts and highly sensitive people. With the help of 'quiet ones' around the world, I’m on a mission: to show introverts and highly sensitive people everywhere it’s okay to be who they are."
We also asked Jenn what being an introvert means to her. "Being an introvert simply means I prefer to socialize a little differently than extroverts do," she told us. "I love to have meaningful conversations with just one or two people at a time, rather than make small talk with a big group. I socialize infrequently and in short bursts, and I need plenty of downtime afterward to regain my energy. There are times when I might attend a big party or a concert, but generally, I prefer to hang out at home or in intimate spaces. I can make small talk, but doing so takes a lot of effort, so I avoid it when I can. I cherish solitude. My favorite weekend 'plans' are no plans at all. I tend to keep thinking about certain issues, problems, or experiences long after other people have forgotten about them or moved on to another topic. I make my point using a handful of words rather than hundreds."
We also asked Jenn if she thinks introverts are often misunderstood. "Yes, introverts are still misunderstood, despite the positive attention that they’ve gotten in the media in recent years," she told us. "When you’re a quiet person who doesn’t say much, it’s easy for people to misread you." We wanted to know if there were any misconceptions Jenn could dispel about introverts too. "That our need for solitude is about us, not the people in our lives," she explained. "Sometimes our friends and loved ones feel hurt or rejected when we spend time alone. They shouldn’t — introverts are simply wired to need that downtime to restore their energy. It’s not about you; it’s about us. If you have an introvert in your life, please don’t feel hurt if they occasionally decline your invitations or ask to spend the evening alone."
Lastly, Jenn added that she has a book coming out in Spring 2023 titled Sensitive: The Hidden Power of the Highly Sensitive Person in a Loud, Fast, Too-Much World. If you'd like to hear more about being an introvert or be the first to know when her book comes out, be sure to follow Jenn on Introvert, Dear right here.
The term introvert was coined by psychologist Carl Jung in 1910 as part of a personality spectrum with introversion and extroversion falling on each end. Since then, introversion has been deemed one of the major personality traits one can exhibit, with everyone falling somewhere on the spectrum between extrovert and introvert. Verywell Mind defines an introvert as “someone who tends to turn inward, meaning they focus more on internal thoughts, feelings, and moods rather than seeking out external stimulation”. They are often seen as withdrawn or introspective, and they tend to be exhausted easily from too much social interaction.
Introverts typically are seen as shy or nervous in social situations as well, but that is not necessarily the case. They just need time to recharge by themselves, while extroverts usually receive energy from being around large groups of people. Introverts are not by default socially awkward or quiet, but they might appear that way in a room full of loud extroverts.
So is being an introvert a result of nature, nurture or both? Verywell Mind explains that whether we are introverts or extroverts might be mostly determined by a network of neurons in the brainstem known as the reticular activating system (or RAS). RAS is responsible for regulating a person’s arousal levels including how awake we are and the transitions between falling asleep and waking up. This system also controls how much information we take in while awake and increases arousal levels when we encounter potential threats or danger.
Every person has a unique set point for their arousal levels, but psychologist Hans Eysenck theorized that introverts have naturally high levels of arousal. This means that they can easily become overstimulated by loud noise, busy environments, and too many people. Because of this, they just need more time alone to process and reflect than an extrovert might need. So if anyone ever makes you feel bad about leaving a party early or shutting your bedroom door to be alone, just tell them that it's out of your control. Your RAS made you do it!
There are also four common types of introverts, as the trait presents differently in many people. There are social introverts, thinking introverts, anxious introverts, and inhibited introverts. While social introverts might sound like an oxymoron, it just means that they enjoy hanging out with small groups of people. Their ideal night might be a quiet evening at home with a handful of friends rather than going to a loud, crowded club, but they are still happy to have social interaction. You might not even realize that a friend is introverted, as the personality trait is not always obvious until they spend the next day alone recharging from an evening of socializing.
Thinking introverts are introspective and creative, and they spend a lot of time in their own heads. Anxious introverts are what many people think of as the “stereotypical introvert”, as they might be extremely nervous or even scared in social situations. Lastly, inhibited introverts tend to overthink and might spend an extreme amount of time analyzing a situation before making any decisions. Of course, not all introverts fall perfectly into one of these categories, but they are all a reminder that there is no cookie-cutter shape for personality traits.
So if you are wondering if you or someone you know falls into the category of introvert, Verywell Mind breaks down some of the common traits that might persuade you to wear the label proudly. The first indicator that you might be in the introvert club is that being around a lot of people drains your energy. I know it might be hard to believe, but some people actually gain energy from social situations. They don’t feel exhausted when they get home, and they can hang out with friends for days on end without getting tired. If you really need some alone time after expending energy at a party or talking to customers all day at work, you just might be an introvert.
On a similar note, introverted people usually value their solitude. While they can’t all live alone, they do require some time to themselves. Don’t take it personally if an introverted loved one lets you know that they just need to decompress. It can be hard for them to share their thoughts and feelings out loud, but if they get the chance to sit alone for a while, recharge and evaluate how they are doing, they will most likely be in an even better mood when they do emerge from their bedroom or return home from their solo walk. Once they have gained some energy back, they will probably be thrilled to spend some meaningful time with friends or family, and they will be able to be much more present and attentive after having the chance to clear their head.
Having a small group of friends is another trademark sign of an introvert. Because they are usually less likely to go to a big party or approach others in public and strike up a conversation, introverted people may have less friends, but the relationships they do cultivate will be meaningful and often long-lasting. As Verywell Mind explains, “Of the many strengths of introverts, one is that they tend to create profound and significant relationships with those closest to them. They also prefer to interact with people on a one-on-one basis rather than in a large group setting.” It can be hard to get a word in when hanging out with a large group, especially one comprised of extroverts, but in a more intimate setting, introverts feel more comfortable opening up and bonding with others.
Introverts are often very self-aware as well, as they usually spend a lot of time in their own heads analyzing situations and reflecting. Being self-aware and understanding themselves is usually important to introverts, as they tend to turn inward when problem solving. They like to learn by watching as well, as extroverts are more likely to be the center of attention and dive right into a task. This gives introverts the opportunity to observe how something is done and come up with their own game plan for accomplishing a task. Once they have practiced a skill in private before having to perform it in front of others, then an introvert is more likely to jump into an activity.
