88 Fails So Bad You Have To Wonder How Things Went This Wrong

One expectation vs. reality moment many people experience is going on vacation. They already have an idealized image of the Pacific island they saw on Instagram, only to have their bubble burst when they get there. 

According to educator George Loewenstein, most of us carry that romanticized impression across our lives.

“Different people have radically different images of what the good life is, and for many, when we go on vacation, we are trying to create a life that resembles what we think of as the good life,” Loewenstein said. “It’s not really important what we do, as long as it fits into that idealized image.”

However, Loewenstein also offered some food for thought: horrible experiences make the best memories, which also means the best stories. 

It isn’t wrong to have expectations. According to Yale University psychology professor Robb Rutledge, they contribute to our happiness. 

“If you expect the meal to be great, and it’s actually good, that’s fine. But if it’s not any better than you expected, your happiness won’t increase any more after having the meal,” he explained. 

Rutledge says expectations also allow us to learn from experience. He also emphasizes the importance of having realistic expectations and how useful they are for making sound decisions. 

“Especially for anything that you’re going to do many times—like choosing a place to go for lunch near your office or choosing which coffee shop to go to meet a friend—you want to have accurate expectations, or you won’t make good choices,” he said.

Ruined expectations can lead to disappointments. For some people, that can be difficult to handle. But as researcher Annette Clancy points out, these dissatisfying, even disheartening moments have upsides. 

She writes, “Disappointment can be an important fuel for creativity. It surfaces what we truly desire, clarifies what matters to us, and points us toward what we are not yet willing to accept.”

So how do we reap the benefits of disappointment? One of Clancy’s most important tips is to accept it rather than dismiss it. She advises reflecting on where expectations come from, how they form, and whether we can moderate them to our advantage. 

“If disappointment is a signal that our expectations and reality are out of alignment, then understanding this may be one of the most important forms of resilience we can develop,” she said.