50 Of The Most Embarrassing Things That Kids Have Ever Said In Public

When I quit smoking, my 5-year-old at the time (she's 23 now) told her kindergarten teacher that she was so proud of me because I quit drugs.

"Look, Mommy, that police has handcuffs like the ones in your bedroom!"

After getting new Toy Story undies, my son yelled to the drive-through workers at Chick-fil-A, “I’ve gotta woody in my pants!”

When my kid was first learning to tell the difference between men and women, he liked to practice loudly, in public. One day we were sitting in a restaraunt, and he decided to review.
"Mom, you're a woman."
"Yes, sweetie, that's right!"
"And Papa's a man."
"Yes, right again."
"And she--" (pointing to an old lady sitting across the room from us) "she's a WITCH!". At the top of his lungs, of course.

There was long receiving line at a funeral, and my child blurted out, "Hurry up! I wanna see the dead body!"

My son (aged 3 at the time) asked me on a packed bus in central London: 'Mummy how does daddy put the seed in your tummy? I was pregnant at the time. His sister aged 3 answers ''mummy swallowed it' I almost died.

My, then two year old, being held by a woman who drew on her eyebrows, exclaimed “You have something on your face!” Followed by proudly wiping off one eyebrow, he said, “There I got it for ya!”

My friend was having a hard time getting her daughter to drink water. At lunch one day the little one loudly exclaimed that “drinking makes mummy happy”.

For amusement we would tie a hotdog to my 4-year-old sister's waist and the neighbor's dog would chase her around trying to get the hotdog and she would giggle and it was funny.

Well one day at the grocery store, as our neighbor is buying a pack of hotdogs my sister blurts out "ARE THOSE HOTDOGS FOR MY BUTT???" Lots of stares.

My mother and I were at Chili's with my son (who was about 6 or 7 at the time) and my mother and I split a margarita during dinner (a small one, not one of those fishbowl ones). After dessert, we get the bill and get up to leave, when my son suddenly starts BAWLING loudly. Alarmed, I squat down and ask, "what's the matter?!!" I'm thinking maybe he cut himself or is in pain or something horrible the way he is wailing like a hyperactive banshee. In between hysterical sobs he manages to screech, "I DONT WANT TO GET IN THE CAR WITH A DRUNK DRIVEEEEEEERRRR!!!! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!!!!!!" Literally everyone in the restaurant is either staring at me horrified or giving me the death eye. It was so embarrassing. I tried my best to soothe him and explain to him that it was ok, but he was just screaming"You're DRUUUUNKK!".

My ex husband once had to take my 3yr old daughter to the gents public toilets as he was on his own with her. She'd been making chocolate crispy cakes in nursery and one was in her bag in it's little plastic bag. During her wee in the gents cubicle she remembered this cake and how gooey it had been and pulled it out of her bag. In a piping voice she shrieked ''Look Daddy, its gone hard!!'' When he tried to shush her she tried again, ''But look Daddy, prod it like this, look its gone hard!''' He honestly thought he'd never make it out of the gents alive.

Was riding on a public bus and my five year old put her hand on a guy's shoulder in the seat front of us and said - "This man is very fat.”

When I was pregnant, I ended up having to take my three year old daughter to one of my OB appointments. My doctor had to do a vaginal exam to which my daughter replied loudly “Mommy, how come you show your ‘gina to EVERYONE!!??”

My cousin loved blackcurrant juice as a kid but couldn't pronounce it, he shouted 'MUMMY I WANT BLACK CUNT' repeatedly at my aunt in the supermarket

Not a parent, but when I was 4 my mom almost got in an accident on the freeway. She slammed on the horn and screamed "jackass" out the window all while flipping them the bird.
Fast Forward a couple weeks. We are leaving my grandparents house and my mom honks the horn as to say goodbye. I proceed to roll down my window and give them the finger, yelling "jackass" as we drove away.

So...I'm not a parent, but I was present for this. My entire family was out for dinner one night, and my sister, my niece, and I were waiting in line in the women's bathroom.

Sister and niece (who was 2) go into a stall together. I'm still in line with several other women, and I can hear sis and niece talking through niece go to the bathroom. I then hear sister say, "Ok, pull your underwear up while mommy pees now" and niece chirps up, "Mommy, I have a bagina!"

Giggle. Ok. Twitters go through the line of women. Kids say the darndest things!
A few seconds later, though, we all hear "Mommy! You have a BIG bagina!!"
Several women lost it, including myself. I've never seen my sister as red as she was when she came out of the stall.

Not a parent but I'm a full time nanny and used to work at a daycare. I was dating one of the dads (he was single and it was totally legit), and one morning, in front of the entire staff, his son asked me "why were you in daddy's bed this morning?". Pretty much horrifying.

Father taking his son to the bathroom in a restaurant when his son exclaims: “ARE WE GONNA GO SWORD FIGHT WITH OUR PEE PEES?!” Dad looked like he wanted to evaporate.

Took my 3 year old son to Disneyland, where we saw his hero Buzz Lightyear. Coincidentally he had just told me he had to "go potty," and I knew I had a matter of seconds to get him to a bathroom, because once a toddler tells you he has to go it means he is near bursting at the seams. I tried gently leading him away, but he started babbling about pushing Buzz's buttons so that he would start flying around. When he realized I was going to drag him the other direction, he started screaming, "Buzz! I want to touch you! Let me touch you!" This got a lot of startled looks. I hoisted him up and started carrying him away under my arm. He immediately wet his pants all over both of us and continued wailing, "Buzz! Let me touch you! I'll let you touch meeeee!" as dozens of tourists started in shock. Suffice to say I hid in the bathroom for a while.

My four-year-old son walked up to a little person at the airport and said " Well you're a funny little man, but I do like your hat". Before I had a chance to apologize - the man replied, "Thank you...and I like you!"