Having siblings can be a blessing and a curse at once. At times, there is no one more annoying than your little sister whining about some toy she didn’t get, or your brother being a typical stubborn toddler throwing vegetables at the kitchen wall. On the other hand, no one is as good of an accomplice for mischievous endeavors or providing a shoulder to cry on when you need one.
Oftentimes, no other person in the world can get you quite like your sibling does. Not only have you spent so much time together that you can finish each other's sentences, you also have gone through the same happenings in the household, both the good and the bad.
That is why unconditional love bonds most siblings; but one of them stands out as being particularly protective. And that’s the eldest one. They often help parents watch over the baby basically from the moment the younger sibling is born, which is how they become a safeguarding figure in the little bundle’s life.
Unsurprisingly, later in life, moms and dads are fast to jump on the train of using them as a nanny service, no matter how frustrating it might get at times. “Want to go meet your friends in the mall? Take your sister with you”, “Are you going to spend time outside? You are only allowed to if your brother is going, too”; anyone with a younger sibling knows the drill.
However, even before the arrival of the addition to the family, firstborns have to deal with a certain set of challenges. In an article for Psychology Today, parenting expert and child and family therapist Meri Wallace, LCSW, pointed out that they often have to meet the high expectations of their parents.
As it is their first child, they’re learning the ins and outs of parenting as they go—often by trial and error—and might subconsciously put too much pressure on the kid. In a way, they want their kid to succeed, as that would ensure they're doing a good job of raising them.
Before the birth of their siblings, firstborn children are given parents’ undivided attention, which can be a double-edged sword. On one hand, the kid is surrounded by love and support in every possible way as moms and dads want nothing but the best for their little bundle of joy. On the other hand, such wishes might push them to enroll kids in one too many activities, make one too many comments about reaching for the stars, or encourage overachieving tendencies in some other way.
Family and marriage counselor Sarah A. Smelser, LPC, expanded on the way being a first-time parent affects their—at that moment—only child. In an article for Comprehensive MedPsych Systems, she suggested that because of the way mothers and fathers interact with their firstborn, the latter is often more goal-oriented, outspoken, stubborn, independent, and perfectionistic.
Parenting expert Ms. Wallace pointed out that the firstborn also has to deal with the sudden change of household dynamics when their baby brother or sister is born. That in no way means that parents love them any less; however, it often leads to a decreased amount of attention and one-on-one time. And that, as with any other major change in a kid's life, requires adjusting to.
Meri Wallace also emphasized that parents tend to seek help from their oldest offspring, no matter how big or small they are at that point. That might be the reason behind a strong sense of responsibility; however, it can also lead to them being rather controlling of their younger siblings.
In addition to all that they do for their brothers and sisters, the eldest ones are often the reason parents let some things slide easier for the younger ones. For example, the firstborn’s wish to go to a music festival might be met with a definite no; but when the middle child asks the same question some years down the line, it is likely to become a more debatable matter or maybe even a “yes”.
When you’re a first-time parent, everything seems scary and dangerous. And it takes one person to go through life and turn out fine, so the succeeding ones can enjoy a little bit more freedom.
Even though they can be irritating at times, siblings are usually the ride or die kind of partners. Having them not only makes life more entertaining (there’s always someone to play games or take part in activities with), but helps to get through difficult times as well (they are there for you no matter what). Reader’s Digest pointed out that having a sibling can even improve your health and mental well-being.