If you're a cynic when it comes to love and all the hearts and sweets make you nauseous, Valentine's Day may seem pointless to you. Even some coupled-up people view it as nothing but a capitalist scam. However, relationship experts say that February 14th can be pretty important for people in relationships.
We asked relationship coach Frances Kelleher whether Valentine's Day should be special for couples. She says that it doesn't necessarily have to be on February 14th. The most important thing is to celebrate your union, and Valentine's Day can be a good reminder to do that.
"We need to keep appreciating our partners and not take them for granted; otherwise, the love dies," the relationship coach explains. "It's as simple as that. You have to keep dating your partner, too. This keeps the emotional bond strong. The health of the emotional bond of the couple is what keeps the relationship alive."
Kelleher has some suggestions on what couples can do. "Have a date night minimum once a month and just reconnect and have fun. Do not talk about the children or the house bills, just have fun and celebrate your union often that way."
With Valentine's Day also comes what psychologists call 'performance anxiety.' No, not that one; settle down, boys. Relationship expert Becky Spelman told Business Insider that it's caused by the expectations that come with the day. "Because [couples] feel under so much pressure to be romantic, they also feel paralyzed and worried that whatever they do will not live up to the hype."
Dating coach Frances Kelleher tells Bored Panda that the definition of 'something special' is different for each couple. "Doing something special does not mean you have to spend lots of money on them or have to do something lavish."
"It could be making them breakfast in bed, washing their car, filling the dishwasher," Kelleher lists some possibilities. "These are all acts of love. It could be putting the children to bed a bit earlier so you have a date night at home watching a nice movie."
Remember Gary Chapman's book "The Five Love Languages?" Although it's mostly based on generalizations, some people find that his described types of love languages may apply to them. A 2006 study found that Chapman's love languages "may reflect behaviors" we use to maintain a good relationship.
"Check what your partner's love language is," Kelleher advises. "There are five. For instance, one is acts of service. Another is receiving gifts. You can do the love language quiz online to see which one you are and which one they are. This is a game changer as people usually give love the way they want to receive it, not in the love language of their partner, which could be totally different."
And what should the loners do on Valentine's Day? Some women opt for a day with their girlfriends – a Galentine's Day. Others might choose to ignore the day altogether. Kelleher says that single people can also use this day for doing something special. "I would advise using this day as fuel to propel you forward in meeting the right partner."
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"Make a decision that, this time next year, you will have found your right partner," the dating expert recommends. "Do three things every day that move you towards your goal, and make love your number one priority. Successful people in any field focus on that one goal that they want and work consistently towards it."
Valentine's Day doesn't have to be just about love between two people, Kelleher says. "Instead of thinking about this day as just romantic love, use it to make the world a better place by giving love to your fellow humans and beings."
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"Do something kind for a person or animal that is less well off than you," the dating coach advises. "This makes you feel good and makes you a love magnet, too, as what you give out, you get back."
"Valentine's is about being kind, remembering that love is the most important thing in the world and that we can give love in many different ways, not just romantically," the relationship expert adds.
