One of the core problems with using dating apps, instead of more ‘traditional’ approaches to relationships, is the lack of transparency. Most people probably pretend to be better than they really are to leave a good first impression. However, this is much harder to fake in person. Your body language, tone of voice, etc. can make your date suspect that you’re not being as sincere as you might want them to think.
Online, though, you can create the illusion that you’re someone who’s amazing and definitely worth meeting. When, in fact, the exact opposite might be true. So, you have to develop instincts for filtering out nonsense while also honing in on genuine, quality people. That comes from vast amounts of experience interacting with various people, as well as learning from others’ mistakes.
Verywell Mind warns that you are bound to run into major red flag behavior when using dating apps. It’s important not to lose sight of your values, goals, self-confidence, and understanding of inner worth when dealing with such… less-than-stellar (to put it mildly) behavior.
“While you can’t control how others behave, you can control how you respond. Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect. Set boundaries, swipe smart, stay safe, and protect your peace at all costs. Don’t settle for anything less than you deserve.”
According to licensed marriage and family therapist Claudia de Llano, the anonymity that dating apps provide allows people to behave in ways that can leave you frustrated and hurt.
She told Verywell Mind that dating app users can “hide, pretend, string us along, never get back to us, tell us they’re looking for something different than what they really want, and just create plain overwhelm and confusion.”
One example of red flag behavior on dating apps is so-called monkey branching. Essentially, this is when an individual tests the waters with a potential partner before breaking up with their current significant other. To put it simply, they’re ‘swinging’ from their previous relationship to the next one.
“You may be talking to someone for a while who you thought had recently broken things off with their partner. Turns out, they're still with their partner, but keeping you warm while trying to figure out if it's worth the jump—a subtle move that many experts believe is essentially cheating,” Verywell Mind explains.
Monkey branching is very similar to benchwarming. The latter happens when the other person sees you as a backup option. In the meantime, they’re pursuing other romantic interests more seriously.
They might contact you once in a while when they’re bored or when their primary interests are busy. You end up feeling undervalued, underappreciated, and disrespected.
Another type of behavior that is all too common is ghosting, when your romantic interest breaks off all communication with you. They ignore you, don’t provide any explanation, and vanish into thin air. Meanwhile, you don’t get a sense of closure, you don’t feel valued, and you’re left feeling rejected and more than a little confused.
Breadcrumbing is another problematic type of behavior that you’ll find on dating apps. In a nutshell, this is when a person gives you a bit of attention to make you interested (essentially, leaving a metaphorical trail of breadcrumbs for you), but they don’t actually commit to anything. “They might send flirty texts or like your pictures occasionally, but every time you try to make plans, chances are they conveniently ‘forget’ or bail on you at the last minute.”
And let’s not forget so-called negging, where your (potential) date gives you backhanded compliments or subtly insults you. By doing this, they try to reduce your sense of self-worth and raise your insecurities.
