Only in Britain will you find level 1-5 warnings about the "goose on platform 2." If you're traveling on a day the bird's in a good mood, lucky you. He's relaxed and you can be, too. But if you spot a "Level 5" warning, be afraid. Be very afraid. Today, the goose is peeved, violent, and ready to attack, likely making your day a lot more awkward than it already is.
The goose post is just one of many hilarious problems shared on the Very British Problems IG account. The account has racked up an impressive 964k followers, and that's on top of the millions of people who follow the sister "X" and Facebook accounts.
"Very British Problems" is the brainchild of a bloke called Rob Temple. He's a British journalist, consultant, producer, author, and all-round funny guy. Originally from Peterborough, he now lives in Cambridge "with his alarmingly expansive collection of waterproof jackets," according to the "Very British Problems" website.
Bored Panda was thrilled when Temple agreed to chat to us. He made us laugh from the get-go, with his dry sense of humor. Upon describing himself, he had to add that he likes documenting the intricacies of human behavior, particularly British human behavior, in excruciating detail, and also "loves sitting quietly, drinking tea, and eating biscuits."
Temple has penned some pretty hilarious posts for The Telegraph, including one titled Very British Problems: the small anxieties that plague our nation, from mini-breaks to office speak. His book, Britain According to Very British Problems was published in 2024.
"Very British Problems are what make us so, well, British. And what better place to get to the heart of these problems than, urm, Britain?" wrote Temple on his site, ahead of the book's launch.
"Starting in Land's End and heading all the way up to John O'Groats, this A-Z tour of Britain covers everything from the national sports of apologising, queueing, and bog-snorkelling to our national cuisine of chips, bread rolls, and... chips in bread rolls. You'll take in sights such as Stonehenge (see the iconic prop from Spinal Tap in all its glory), Loch Ness (legend has it there is no monster) and Platform 9 ¾ (after a few hours waiting in a railway station, have your photo taken next to a brick wall) all whilst looking for somewhere decent to stop and eat your packed lunch."
Temple tells us that he started "Very British Problems" in 2012 because he was bored one night. It very quickly went bananas, he says, gaining 100,000 followers in its first month. "Now it has over 6M followers across socials, so people seem to like it, so I keep on doing it," he added. "There’s been no real plan at all. I’m not very good at planning." And we have to laugh while being suitably impressed.
We ask if the success has taken him aback... "I’m pleasantly surprised at the success of anything I do that doesn’t end in disaster," quips Mr. Funny Guy, and again, we can't help but giggle.
He has another book coming up called A Very British Christmas. It’s "number seven in the Very British Problems world," he says, adding that it is a survival guide to the festive season. Something that could probably come in handy for a lot of us.
"The paperback of my current book - Britain According to Very British Problems - is an A-Z of my favourite people, places and things in the UK," Temple told Bored Panda. "They’re a bit of fun and light relief in a world that takes itself too seriously. You can find them both on Amazon and Waterstones if you fancy."
For someone who writes so eloquently and hilariously about his home country, we're curious to know what he loves and hates about Britain... He tells us the best thing is that they have "the best selection of crisps (not chips) in the world," but they also "do very good chips (and I’m not talking crisps)." We'll leave you to figure that one out on your own....
According to the author, the worst thing about being a Brit is that "car parking spaces are too small because cars are bigger than they used to be and it seems illegal in Britain to attempt to make the spaces larger." He says that "once those lines are painted on the ground, that’s the size of the space… forever."
